Tanya Forster Psychologist

31/10/2026

This is particularly for the parent who reads:

“Spend more quality time with your children”

and thinks:

Lovely. I’ll just add that somewhere between work, school drop-off, dinner, washing, homework, baths and keeping everybody alive.

Yes, children need connection.

But connection doesn’t have to become another parenting task.

It can happen inside the life you’re already living.

Driving.

Cooking.

Bath time.

Bedtime.

Walking into school.

Sitting at Saturday sport.

Even the chaotic ten minutes before everyone leaves the house.

And it doesn’t require us to be completely present every second we’re with our children.

That’s neither realistic nor necessary.

Instead, look for micro-moments.

A glance.

A laugh.

A question.

A cuddle.

An inside joke.

A moment of genuine interest.

A repair.

Small moments, repeated over time, can create a powerful message:

“I see you.”

“I enjoy you.”

“You matter to me.” 💛💛

30/10/2026

When parents hear that connection is important for children, I worry it can become yet another thing we’re supposed to be doing.

Have I spent enough quality time with them today?

Should we have special one-on-one time?

I was working all day — have I connected enough?

But connection isn’t measured in elaborate activities.

And it isn’t something we either “achieve” or don’t achieve each day.

It’s built gradually, across thousands of ordinary interactions.

The smile when your child walks into the room.

The ridiculous joke nobody else would understand.

Listening to the story they desperately need to tell you while you’re driving.

Sitting beside them when they’ve had a hard day.

A kiss on the head as you walk past.

Repairing after you’ve both lost your cool.

Of course, there are times when intentionally setting aside time together can be really valuable.

But don’t overlook the tiny moments.

Childhood relationships are built in ordinary life too.

And you may be connecting with your child far more often than you realise 💛

30/10/2026

My latest blog is up ✨

Boundaries without the battle. How we can strive to find the balance between being warm, firm and flexible with our kids.

Hit the link in bio to check it out.

29/10/2026

Big school transition sessions ✨

Most schools have a transition program in term 4 where kids get to go along to the school a few times and learn a bit about what to expect.

Some kids need a little more than this, and that is ok!

Whether that is small group sessions or individual sessions, ensuring the right transition program for your child is so important.

If you feel your child would benefit from additional support and a more extended transition program, speak with your child’s future teacher or the head of learning support.

Strong communication from the start can help so much!

Questions about your child’s transition program? Reach out below!

28/10/2026

27/10/2026

I don’t want my children to struggle unnecessarily.

If something is genuinely too hard, I want them to know I’ll help.

If they’re overwhelmed, I’ll step closer.

If they don’t yet have the skill, I’ll teach it.

If something isn’t safe, I’ll intervene.

But I also don’t want them to grow up believing:

“If something feels difficult, someone needs to make it easy for me.”

Life will contain waiting.

Losing.

Mistakes.

Rejection.

Disappointment.

Things we’re not immediately good at.

Problems that don’t have an instant solution.

And I can’t prepare my children for those experiences by ensuring they never have them.

What I can do is give them lots of small, safe experiences of finding something hard while they still have support nearby.

Not:

“You’re on your own.”

But:

“I’m here. Let’s see what you can do.”

There’s a big difference 💛

26/10/2026

You don’t have to choose between empathy and boundaries.

This is something I wish more parents heard.

Sometimes parenting advice makes it sound as though we have two options.

Be firm and risk being harsh.

Or be emotionally responsive and risk becoming permissive.

But those aren’t our only choices.

We can say:

“I understand.”

AND

“No.”

We can say:

“You’re really angry.”

AND

“I won’t let you hit.”

We can say:

“You desperately want to stay.”

AND

“It’s time to leave.”

The validation isn’t there to make the boundary more palatable.

And it isn’t a clever technique for stopping the meltdown.

Your child might remain extremely unhappy.

Validation simply communicates:

“I can see your experience. Your feelings don’t frighten me. And I’m still going to do my job as your parent.”

Hold the limit. Hold the feeling.

Both matter 💛

25/10/2026

But if I give in once, won’t they learn that tantrums work?

Context matters.

There is a difference between repeatedly abandoning a boundary because we can’t tolerate our child’s reaction...
and thoughtfully deciding that a boundary doesn’t actually need to be held.

Sometimes we realise:

I said no automatically.

This isn’t actually important.

I misunderstood.

The circumstances have changed.

My child has given me information I didn’t have before.

We are allowed to reconsider.

What I would try to avoid is turning the change into:

“Fine! If you stop crying, you can have it!”

because now we may inadvertently connect escalation with the outcome.

Instead:
“I’ve thought about what you said. You’re right — we do have enough time. We can stay for another ten minutes.”

That teaches something quite different.

Boundaries don’t need to become battles about who wins.

Sometimes we hold.

Sometimes we flex.

The skill is learning which is which.

24/10/2026

We talk a lot about holding boundaries, but here’s the other side:

Not everything needs to become a boundary.

Sometimes we accidentally create battles because we’ve decided there is a “right” way for something to happen when there really isn’t.

Does it matter if the clothes don’t match?

Does it matter which cup they use?

Does it matter if they want to do something in a slightly unusual order?

Sometimes yes.

Often no.

And particularly for children who already find flexibility, transitions or sensory experiences difficult, I think it’s worth asking ourselves:

Why am I saying no?

Is there a safety issue?

Does this affect somebody else’s rights?

Is there an important family expectation here?

Am I teaching something that genuinely matters?

Or...

do I just want it done my way?

Boundaries matter.

But so does flexibility.

And one of the easiest ways to reduce unnecessary power struggles is to stop creating boundaries around things we don’t actually care about.

Save your parenting energy for the hills that matter 💛