Healing With Sass

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Healing With Sass 16 years in narcissistic abuse.

Now I help women heal, rebuild & rise after toxic, narcissistic & abusive relationships - without the bullsh*t
Certified Life Coach | NLP Prac | Reiki Master | Bachelor of Psychology
Online worldwide + in-studio Somerville

08/10/2026

You left the abusive relationship. ⁣
𝐒𝐨 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐢𝐧 𝐢𝐭?⁣
⁣
Because leaving doesn’t automatically undo years of living on edge, keeping the peace, second-guessing yourself and trying to avoid the next abusive rage outburst.⁣
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Some of the habits you developed to survive that relationship can follow you long after it’s over.⁣
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And sometimes you don’t even realise you’re still doing them.⁣
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You just know you’re exhausted, overwhelmed, not feeling like yourself and wondering why the f**k you can’t seem to move forward.⁣
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The relationship might be over, but 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐥 𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐫𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰.⁣
⁣
And recognising these patterns is a good place to start understanding what you might need to work on.⁣
⁣
𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝟽 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘨𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧?⁣
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⁣
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07/10/2026

For years I thought I just needed to try harder at healing.⁣
⁣
𝘔𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘴𝘦𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬.⁣
𝘔𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨.⁣
𝘔𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘫𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨.⁣
𝘔𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦.⁣
𝘉𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴.⁣
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And some of that s**t absolutely helped.⁣
But I eventually realised I wasn’t failing at healing.⁣
⁣
𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞.⁣
⁣
I knew the relationship was over.⁣
I knew I was safe.⁣
But my body was still reacting like danger could happen at any moment.⁣
⁣
That’s why I now believe healing has an order.⁣
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It’s also exactly why I created Hot Mess to Healing — my signature step-by-step digital healing system for women who are out of a narcissistic or abusive relationship but still feel stuck in survival mode.⁣
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And if you’re thinking, “𝐅𝐮𝐜𝐤, 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝” — comment HOT MESS and I’ll send you the waitlist.⁣
Waitlist get it first & get it cheaper.⁣
⁣
𝐇𝐨𝐭 𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐓𝐨𝐝𝐚𝐲. 𝘏𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘛𝘰𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸.

29/09/2026

𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐡𝐮𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐚 𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭 — 𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬.⁣
⁣
Don’t react.⁣
Don’t argue. ⁣
Don’t justify yourself.⁣
⁣
They are not looking for resolution. ⁣
They are looking for your reaction.⁣
⁣
And the moment you give it to them — 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐧.⁣
⁣
Honestly the best thing to do with a narcissist – 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲!!⁣
⁣
𝘍𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 — because nobody told us this stuff when we needed it most.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣

24/09/2026

You can leave an abusive relationship and still be living by its f**king rules.⁣
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That was one of the things I wasn’t prepared for.⁣
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𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐞.⁣
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And physically, I was.⁣
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But years of living around someone else’s moods, reactions, anger and control had changed the way I survived in the world.⁣
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I’d learned to second-guess myself.⁣
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To anticipate how someone might react before deciding what I wanted.⁣
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To expect consequences for saying no.⁣
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To look outside myself for reassurance because I didn’t trust my own judgement anymore.⁣
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And those things didn’t magically disappear just because the relationship ended.⁣
⁣
𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐛𝐮𝐬𝐞.⁣
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But there can still be a whole lot of work afterwards in helping yourself feel safe again, rebuilding your self-trust and learning that you don’t have to live by those same f**king rules anymore.⁣
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That’s the part of leaving we don’t talk about enough.⁣
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You can be out.⁣
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You can know it’s over.⁣
⁣
𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘥.⁣
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If that’s you, comment 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐃 and I’ll send you my free guide that can help.

23/09/2026

You can understand your triggers.⁣
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You can know how to 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧, 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘳𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴, 𝘴𝘦𝘵 𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 and 𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴.⁣
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You can have done a 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐝 of healing work.⁣
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And still have moments where one trigger hits and suddenly all of that knowledge seems to have f**ked off somewhere. ⁣
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𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘩𝘢𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘦𝘥.⁣
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Because there’s a big difference between knowing what to do when you’re sitting there calm and being able to access it when you’re completely activated.⁣
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And I think this is where we can be really f**king hard on ourselves.⁣
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𝘐 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳.⁣
𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘢𝘮 𝘐 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴?⁣
𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘐’𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴.⁣
𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘢𝘮 𝘐 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯?⁣
⁣
But healing isn’t about never getting triggered again.⁣
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It’s also learning to recognise when you are triggered and understanding that maybe this isn’t the moment to analyse, reframe, solve the problem or have the difficult conversation.⁣
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Sometimes the first job is much simpler:⁣
⁣
Get yourself calm enough to access all the s**t you already know.⁣
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Then deal with the rest.⁣
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𝐅𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 for more on what healing after abuse actually looks like. ⁣

20/09/2026

Abuse doesn’t just affect you while you’re in it.⁣
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When you spend years adapting to someone else’s moods, reactions, criticism or abuse, you learn ways of being that help you survive that environment.⁣
⁣
𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘳.⁣
𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘳.⁣
𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨.⁣
𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘭𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧.⁣
𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘴.⁣
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Do it for long enough and those survival habits can become so automatic that they start to feel like your personality.⁣
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𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐈 𝐚𝐦.⁣
⁣
But maybe it isn’t.⁣
⁣
Maybe some of 𝐢𝐭 is who you had to become to survive.⁣
⁣
And I think that’s part of the work that comes after leaving.⁣
⁣
You got yourself out of the relationship.⁣
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Now you get to start figuring out who the f**k you are without it.⁣
⁣
𝗪𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐨 𝐈 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞?⁣
𝗪𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐨 𝐈 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭?⁣
𝗪𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐨 𝐈 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞?⁣
𝗪𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞 — 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐥?⁣
⁣
Because healing isn’t only about recovering from what happened to you.⁣
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𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦. ⁣
⁣
𝐅𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 if you’re figuring o

19/09/2026

One of the more insidious forms of control in an abusive relationship can be being treated like you’re not a capable f**king adult.⁣
⁣
𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘥.⁣
𝘠𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥.⁣
𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳.⁣
𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵.⁣
𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯.⁣
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And over time, that s**t can get inside your head.⁣
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You start second-guessing yourself.⁣
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You lose confidence in your own decisions.⁣
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Things you were perfectly capable of doing before suddenly feel f**king terrifying to do alone.⁣
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And that’s what makes infantilisation in narcissistic abuse so damaging.⁣
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It’s not just about being treated like a child.⁣
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It’s what can happen to your self-belief, independence and self-trust when you’re treated like one for long enough.⁣
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Because if you’ve been made to believe you can’t cope without them, 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠.⁣
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And THAT can become part of the trap.⁣
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It isn’t care.⁣
It isn’t help.⁣
𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥.⁣
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If you experienced this in an emotionally abusive, controlling or narcissistic relationship, you weren’t incapable.⁣
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You were being treated like you were.⁣
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Follow for more on narcissistic abuse, coercive control and rebuilding yourself after an abusive relationship.

17/09/2026

Women recovering from abusive relationships don’t need to be told bu****it like “𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘵 𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴.”⁣
⁣
𝗪𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚 𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐢𝐬.⁣
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The problem is that for years, having them came with consequences.⁣
⁣
You said no → 𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐮𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭.⁣
You disagreed → 𝐚𝐛𝐮𝐬𝐞.⁣
You stood your ground → 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐬𝐞.⁣
You asked for what you needed → 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟𝐢𝐬𝐡.⁣
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So you learned that sometimes it was easier to give in.⁣
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𝘒𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘦.⁣
𝘋𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘧𝘶𝘴𝘴.⁣
𝘚𝘢𝘺 𝘺𝘦𝘴.⁣
𝘉𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯.⁣
⁣
And those patterns don’t necessarily disappear just because the abusive relationship ends.⁣
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That’s why boundaries after narcissistic or emotional abuse can feel so f**king uncomfortable.⁣
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The hard part isn’t always saying NO.⁣
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Sometimes the hard part is accepting what comes afterwards from people who are not happy that you are now enforcing boundaries.⁣
⁣
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And learning:⁣
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Someone being unhappy with my boundary doesn’t mean my boundary is wrong.⁣
⁣
You don’t need everyone to agree with your boundaries.⁣
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You just need to stop abandoning them the second somebody doesn’t.⁣
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𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘍𝘜𝘊𝘒.⁣
⁣
Follow for more on healing and rebuilding yourself after narcissistic abuse.

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