29/10/2026
Reflecting on the reason for taking a chance on myself, my middle child was off to preschool and once that happened, there was all of a sudden, a whole 2 days without him and there was a feeling of now what do I do.
A huge part of that was loneliness and to fill those hours that he wasn't at home, up until that point I had a list of things to do in my head when he was at preschool but when the time came and I went to being on my own, I would check the clock regularly to make sure it wasn't time to pick him up, check my phone to see if preschool had called, ring my mum to ask random questions that google could've easily answered. I started to wonder who I was without my kids.
I started to question that a lot, something that I had focused on a lot was my size and weight and the way that I looked. I saw a self love guru posted a short course on loving your body and I took a chance on that, but she had no other takers so opted me in to an Intense Self Love workshop that went for a period of 3 months or 6 months I don't remember now.
During that course we went through various things like journalling, forgiveness, screaming things out, dancing in the street, opening up about my dreams and how I always wanted to draw.
I took a chance and booked into an art class, OMG the nerves went like crazy to go and do something I always wanted to try but didn't want to "look" silly for not knowing how to draw and yes it is an art class but yet this was a fear of mine, that I didn't want to look silly not knowing how to draw or what to do.
People knew that I was on this quest to do life better than I was, I continually talked about the latest thing I had tried and the change I had seen in myself, the crystal I bought, the tarot deck, the oracle deck, I threw out my weight scales, I embraced wearing bright colourful tights, I tried vegetable juice (not my thing), wore bright colourful shoes, threw out various art ideas, bought more art stuff (some never opened), changed my hair colour, essential oils, number signs, angel signs.
Constantly trying new things to find myself.
In the middle of all that, someone suggested I try releasing emotions and I thought well I have tried everything else why not.
Totally a sceptic on this one, but hey if I have a tendency to feel a crystal is capable of helping me to feel better than why not.
It ended up working and has had a profound effect on me in so many ways, and I totally recommend it (since I am very good at it) but also over the past 5 years of releasing negative energy and emotions around just about everything in my life.
I have forgotten what it felt like the intense emotional moments of the loneliness when my kids went to school, when my kid was bullied so badly that her spirit was almost gone from her eyes, being pregnant and home schooling during COVID, the loss of my grandparents, the fear of losing my husband, my Mum's cancer, the heavy bleeding with every period.
I have not forgotten those moments, they are still a part of my life and are easily talked about, I just don't remember how the emotions impacted them, I see them differently now, my body doesn't instantly respond and drown in the emotions that came with any of that. I can talk about any or all of them without being overly emotional and with that people don't realise how intense those moments were for me.
They ask about my child who was bullied and how is she going. Totally fine and it doesn't bother her anymore because guess what her emotions and negative energy is gone from that too and it was like a bump in the road, at the time it wasn't, people look at me like they are expecting my daughter to be struggling after such an intense experience. Then they look at me like they just expect an emotional breakdown and you can see on their faces they are confused by how straight forward I am about the whole thing they are like WHAT expecting an outpouring of emotions, going how can you go from your child being told to remove herself from this earth to standing here chatting saying yeah we are all good.
You know what, it feels good, it feels really good, that it's easy to talk about those tough moments and not fall apart emotionally, it feels good to be able to connect to my heart and spirit without the worry or fear of the way people are going to react to things I do or say. I get to choose life the way it works for me and that's the best part.
The hard part connecting with the way you are feeling in that space, where I was 8 years ago when my kids became more independent because now each time they become more independent, I take a bigger chance on myself and who I am, yeah I still do the washing, cook dinner, sort of clean the house (I really just have to accept that is not my thing), and be there for my kids but I do it my way, not the way other people say I should be doing things and that is the best part.
If any of this sounds like you, then what are you waiting for send me a DM we can have a chat.
