Whole health coaching for physicians and other health care professionals.
Operating as usual
Yesterday evening I had the pleasure of informally discussing wellbeing, burnout, stress, meditation and mindfulness with Sujan shah on LinkedIn. Check out our perspectives and I'd love to hear yours! https://www.linkedin.com/in/virginia-hurdon/
And, I developed a personal wellbeing worksheet for you to help you define your own version of wellbeing!
Don’t you love finding little treasures? These are some from my nature walk this morning. What do you do to bring joy and meaning to everyday experiences?
I am panting at the top of the steep short hill. My hip flexors are burning, my legs are shaking, and my face is bright red. I can barely control my breathing enough to take a sip of water. Embarrassed, I wonder again whether I will make it to the end of this trail. One of my ‘dark sides’ is now obvious to my companions- my physical fitness is poor.
What other negative attributes are coming to light in this scenario? I see: not feeling capable to speak up or ask for my needs (to slow down); shaming myself for not being able to keep up; letting my emotions (shame, fear) run the show in the moment.
In truth, we all have negative attributes (sometimes called our ‘shadow side’), and generally we are more able to recognize them than our positive attributes (!). Recognizing them, however, does not equal dealing with them. We tend to ignore them until they pop up (again), ruminate about them, and blame ourselves for them.
Just as for positive attributes, there is empowerment in accepting our less-than-stellar qualities. Acceptance helps us see our humanity, and gives us a sense of belonging to the larger human circle. It also is a more stable platform from which to launch personal growth and change.
"THE CURIOUS PARADOX IS THAT WHEN I ACCEPT MYSELF JUST AS I AM, THEN I CAN CHANGE." ~CARL ROGERS
Acceptance is a skill that we can develop.
Coaching can help if you feel stuck with this, unsure where to start, or need some assistance with motivation and accountability to help you stay on track. Get in touch if you’d like to explore this further.
Have you ever had that experience, when you’re given a sincere compliment and you feel embarrassed or even ashamed? I think most of us have. Why is that?
➡️There is often a disconnect between how we see ourselves and how others perceive us. In the compliment situation, our inner critic pipes up: ‘But it wasn’t perfect!’ or ‘You could have done it better’ or ‘You don’t deserve a compliment’, etc. Can you get in touch with how your inner critic responds to a compliment?
➡️We may have been conditioned to be ‘humble’ when faced with a compliment, brushing it aside with ‘Oh, it was nothing’; diverting attention to something we don’t do well, or focussing entirely on complimenting the complimenter. These are very effective ways to prevent the compliment from penetrating our ‘filters’ and letting it sink in.
What’s the worst thing that could happen if we did let the compliment ‘sink in’ and feel the pride and sense of accomplishment that comes with it? You may worry about developing a ‘big ego’ or being narcissistic. The reality, however, is that truly accepting a compliment is simply more likely to balance your self-perception (which is usually skewed toward the negative). It’s also much more likely to make the complimenter feel heard and appreciated.
Self-acceptance is also part of this balancing process. Acknowledging and accepting what is positive about you, the skills and talents you’ve developed, your behaviors. How can you get in touch with these? Some suggestions include:
🔆Listing at least 15 positive attributes you have and reflecting on them (ask loved ones for help with this if you need to). How have you shown these attributes?
🔆Taking a strengths assessment (VIA Character Strengths and CliftonStrengths are two good ones)
🔆Reflecting on what you’re proud of in others and how that applies to yourself
🔆Noticing when you feel good about a thought pattern, action or effort
Coaching can help you see the limiting beliefs which may be getting in the way of this aspect of self acceptance, and develop ways to put those positive attributes to work to achieve your goals. Feel free to reach out for a complimentary conversation with me about how I can help!
Ever hear of a new term and think instantly “Ooh, I need that!’? That happened to me around ‘self-acceptance’ a few years ago. I grew up in the era of the power of harsh self-criticism (spoiler alert, not so helpful in terms of mental health and personal development 🤔).
Then along came ‘self-esteem’, and that seemed like a major step forward. However, it is founded on comparison to others (eg. I’m good at knitting compared to some other people), and tends to ignore how we deal with our negative attributes.
Enter the concept of self-acceptance, now becoming more popular and researched in the West and foundational to some ancient practices like meditation and Taoism.
What is it? It’s the practice of accepting your whole self- mental and physical, positive and negative- exactly as you are, in a kind and realistic way.
Why might we want to do that?
(Source for benefits, https://www.happiness.com/magazine/personal-growth/self-acceptance/)
😀Mood regulation
😀A decrease in depressive symptoms, the desire to be approved by others, fear of failure, and self-critique
😀An increase in positive emotions, sense of freedom, self-worth, autonomy, and self-esteem
Some people have a predisposition toward self-acceptance- the rest of us need to cultivate it.
What’s your level of self-acceptance?
If it’s low, what would be the most powerful benefit of developing this skill?
Yesterday, I took a hike in what my daughter called a ‘fairy forest’. It’s called the Carp Barrens trail, because a lot of it is Canadian Shield solid rock. But when you look and listen, it’s anything but barren: breeze in the white pines, birds talking, so many tiny things to notice- the shiny mica flakes on the trail, at least 3 different kinds of lichen, moss fruiting bodies, a strawberry blossom, palm sized painted turtles basking on a log, hopeful maple seedlings.
‘The devil’s in the details’ is a popular saying, but what if the opposite is true? I think we need both the wider perspective and the willingness to be up close with our desires, feelings and fears. And not only our own, but others’ as well.
What could you learn by slowing down for a few minutes and spending time getting to know yourself or another, looking at the small things that together make up all of us?
What’s your favorite ‘cloak of invisibility’? You know, the one that allows you to disappear into thin air 😉? Mine was ‘I can’t do that’. A few years ago, I wore it almost all the time- it allowed me to step away from risks/opportunities and responsibilities, and not even try. If I didn’t try, I didn’t risk being hurt, or failing. Wearing the cloak was costly though- I had to suspend any sense of self-confidence and capability.
What broke that habit of reaching for the cloak when I was challenged? A 4 step process:
🧐Awareness of the cycle, and that I’m at risk of entering it again.
🥰Self compassion- breaking the cycle isn’t easy, I’m not alone in this issue, and I can be kind to myself about those two things.
👊🏻Action! Even if it’s small, it’s worthwhile.
🎉Celebration of each action I take in the direction I want to grow- allowing success to really sink in.
What could happen if you set aside your cloak more often?
What does ‘I treat myself with care’ mean?
Here are some thoughts that come to mind from my own practice- how many of these are you already doing?
🧡Being compassionate with my perfectly imperfect self
🧡Creating realistic goals and expectations of accomplishment
🧡Daily consistent movement (‘exercise’ and non-exercise)
🧡Eating lots of whole, unprocessed food (about a 90/10 ratio of whole foods to ‘treat’ foods)
🧡Having fun! on a frequent basis
🧡Being grateful for my body, my mind, my emotions and my environment
🧡Accepting who I am now while still striving to grow
🧡Celebrating how far I’ve come and my efforts
🧡Dreaming of and planning for the future
🧡Nurturing positive relationships and limiting negative ones
🧡Facing disagreements and conflict kindly and squarely
🧡Recognizing that changing patterns (mental or physical) takes effort, and pausing to recharge
🧡Engaging with my circle of friends and family
🧡Prioritizing sufficient restful sleep
🧡Getting out into nature as often as possible
🧡Being willing to start small and work my way up to ‘self-care ninja’ 😉
🧡Not obsessing over this list!
I’m sure there are many more ways to treat oneself with care. Let me know your favourite ones, and if there’s something from this list you’d like to try.
If the list seems daunting and you’re not sure where to start, coaching can help you discover your priorities and take action on them.
What if we craved things that are good for us? Like movement, meditation, whole foods, healthy relationships, restorative sleep, natural light and connection.
Wait… who says we don’t?
Maybe that craving shows up as the symptoms of unmet needs: moodiness, anxiety, lack of energy, unhealthy food choices, fatigue, body pain and stiffness, sleep disturbances, diseases, etc.
I’m bringing an experimental mindset to a new (for me) practice- getting up before dawn to have undistracted time to think and write. I’m going to give it 4 weeks and evaluate its effect on my mood and outlook and sleep cycle (also working on early bedtimes to facilitate early rising).
What’s one thing you could experiment with to improve your wellbeing and deal with those cravings?
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away 😉 I was working in a small group of physicians. I stayed part of that group much longer than I should have- I felt mistreated and undervalued, and was a bit miserable the last couple of years there. I wasn’t living in alignment with my value that everyone, including me, deserves to be treated with respect and fairness. Thankfully, I was able to leave that situation and join a fabulous group that did live up to my values!
Values are beliefs that inform how we go through life- what’s important to us. When we are living in alignment with our values (consciously or not), we tend to feel well- and the corollary is also true.
What are your core values? Most of us haven’t intentionally worked this out. There’s a link in the comments to a pdf of 100 values to help you pinpoint your top 5. I invite you to circle the ones that stand out for you, then pare it down to 5 that really strike a chord. It may take a little time and reflection to come to your core values.
Why 5? It’s hard to align with a long list! And you may notice that some of your values are in conflict with each other (eg. truthfulness vs. always being kind to others). That’s ok! Perfectly normal.
Now that you have a sense of what your values are, just notice (without judgment or story) where you are and aren’t living in alignment with them. What can you celebrate, and what would you like to change?
Not sure how to make those changes? Let’s connect to have a conversation about that.
We know we should set limits with ourselves and others, but are sometimes unsure about when, why or how. Here’s a simple test: do I feel resentful, angry, upset or overwhelmed about something someone has asked me (or I expect myself) to do? If so, here’s a process to try:
✅Acknowledge (to ourselves) how we are feeling about the proposal. If naming the feeling is difficult, try checking in with your body- what do you notice?
✅Recognize that the feeling goes with thoughts. Can you catch them? ‘Don’t they know how exhausted I already am?’ ‘I just can’t put another thing on my plate!’ ‘I can’t handle this!’ ‘This isn’t my responsibility!’ etc. And underneath: ‘I have to prove myself’ ‘I can’t pull my weight’ ‘What will they think if I say no?’ ‘Will it get done if I don’t do it?- I guess I better do it’ along with associated fear, shame, guilt or anger.
✅What beliefs about yourself and others are you perpetuating by not setting an appropriate boundary?
How do we set a boundary? I like to think of it as the 3 C’s- compassion, clarity and collaboration:
🧡Have compassion for both the asker and yourself. Acknowledge their situation, and your own.
🧡Don’t be afraid to be clear with yourself and the other person- if something is beyond your capacity right now, say so, and let them know what else is on your plate. Chances are that the other person is so focused on finding a solution to their problem that they haven’t really considered what you’re already involved in.
🧡Collaborate around a solution *if you can*- offer to help find a solution if you can, or offer other resources/options eg. ‘I can’t cover your call this weekend, but I could help you call a couple of other people, or perhaps these resources for childcare might help’.
I’d love to hear from you about boundaries- what’s difficult about them for you? What helps?
What if you could be truly nourished at work, and not go home drained, empty and exhausted?
By ‘nourished’, I mean nutritionally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Thinking about those areas, where are you now, on a scale from 0-10? Where would you like to be?
Nutrition at work is almost impossible for some. In surgery for hours on end, or working shifts without breaks. What is possible for you?
💧Hydration is arguably more important than eating in those situations- it’s been shown that dehydration affects cognitive function and physical performance.
🥬Eating healthily when you’re not at work supports your performance at work as well. If you do have a meal break, bring healthy food from home rather than purchasing something on site.
🧡Eating mindfully and intentionally will help you digest better- sit down, start with a deep cleansing breath, use your senses to enjoy your meal. Try not to work (or scroll) and eat at the same time if you can avoid it.
Physical nourishment involves opportunities to move.
🚶♂️Stand, walk, stretch and squat.
🙆♀️Take a moment to stretch tight shoulders or neck. Where do you carry your stress physically? Pay special attention to those areas.
😌A few deep slow breaths, saying ‘soften’ silently on the exhale, can work wonders.
Emotional and spiritual nourishment often go hand in hand.
🙏Practice realistic optimism with a focus on gratitude-it helps us balance our hardwired negativity and acquired cynicism. Sometimes that’s as simple as asking 'What could go right here?’ along with ‘What could go wrong here?’
🌎Connect to something larger than ourselves. We individual humans are part of a much larger, richer picture that is sometimes easy to forget.
🙋🏾♂️Find and cultivate nourishing relationships at work. Be curious! Laugh, support others and allow them to support you.
What ideas here spark something for you? I’d love to hear what else helps you be truly nourished at work.
I recently got a new-to-me ball chair, the kind with an exercise ball set into a frame so you can sit at desk height (and if you’re vertically challenged like me, your toes just touch the floor…). I also have an adjustable height desk, so I can stand at will and continue working.
These efforts are based on the knowledge that prolonged sitting is detrimental to health. Since most of my work is online, I have a lot of opportunity to learn not to sit!
How could you incorporate less sitting into your day?
Some ideas:
✅ If you’re sitting for some time, take regular stretch breaks. Two muscle groups that get shorter from sitting are the psoas and hamstrings. Stretch them out, gently but at least a couple of times a day.
✅ Stand and walk more. If you can, stand to work and to hold meetings (if everyone can stand). Make standing more dynamic by shifting your weight frequently, or if lower back pain is an issue, stand with one foot up on a support like a low stool or the base of a cupboard. Standing is associated with better insulin sensitivity in people with metabolic syndrome. Walk more and sit less by parking farther away from work or stores, or getting off the bus a stop or two early. Please don’t stand or walk to eat if you can avoid it (your digestion will thank you).
✅ Unless it’s already on a different floor or far away, don’t always use the closest washroom. Try one a flight of stairs away, or the second closest one. Being a post-menopausal woman, that might add up to six flights of stairs a day for me 😉
✅ Put on a song or two and dance for a few minutes! This is a great way to clear and refocus your mind, and lighten your mood at the same time.
✅ Use a timer to remind you to take breaks, or to differentiate sitting and standing time.
✅ Try not to schedule back-to-back sitting activities, like multiple meetings in a row.
Is there something in this list that resonates for you? What are your favorite ways to sit less?
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