31/10/2026
Have you met the dementors of shame? They're powerful, they're scary, they get under our skin and have negative consequences for all sorts of aspects of our lives.
Not everyone with a BFRB lives with chronic shame, but it's a common experience for many of us.
For decades I assumed that I would feel better once I stopped pulling out my hair. I.e. the hair-pulling was the problem, and fixing it was the key to feeling better. For all of those years I was focused on the wrong thing.
I had help that was focused on shame. Compassion-focused therapy helped me to peel back the layers of coping mechanisms that kept shame hidden. Only once the dementors were named and in the open was it possible to start to challenge and weaken them. It wasn't quick or easy, but it changed my life.
I still pull out my hair, but I live free of shame, and therefore I no longer have a disorder. My pulling is much more manageable (I rarely cause major bald spots) and I think that's because shame kept me trapped in a vicious cycle (distress -> pulling -> (brief) relief -> shame -> distress).
Lots more about this (any many other things) in the book - link in bio.
What do your dementors say to you? Can you imagine life without them?
