16/10/2026
Can we PLEASE stop telling people to JUST STAY POSITIVE?! š
Along with a few other completely unhelpful things we say, often with the best of intentions.
"You just need to stay positive!"
No. Actually, I don't.
When my mum was receiving end-of-life care, someone actually said to me, "You're not being very positive, are you? She's not dead yet."
I remember thinking, what the actual f**k?! I knew my mum was going to die. I could be hopeful, optimistic and make the most of our precious time together. But I did NOT have to be positive about losing her.
And then there'sā¦"Cheer up, it might never happen!"
Well, perhaps it already HAS happened. You have no idea what someone is carrying.
"Just don't worry about it!"
BLOODY HELL! Why didn't I think of that?! 𤣠I'll just switch my worry off then, shall I?
"Stay strong."
Perhaps that person is exhausted, overwhelmed and barely holding it together. They don't need the added pressure of being strong.
Here's the thing, most people mean well. They want to help. But sometimes, in trying to make someone feel better, we actually make them feel unheard.
Toxic positivity can leave people feeling like they SHOULD be okay, SHOULD look on the bright side and SHOULD put on a smile, even when they feel like absolute s**t.
So what if we stopped trying to fix people's feelings and started acknowledging them instead?
ā¤ļø "I can hear how difficult things are for you."
ā¤ļø "I can see this is really weighing on you. Do you want to talk?"
ā¤ļø "You don't have to hold everything together all the time."
ā¤ļø "You don't seem yourself. Is everything okay?"
ā¤ļø "I don't know what to say, but I'm here and I'm listening."
Because you don't always have to offer advice, find the silver lining or fix everything. Sometimes people just need to feel heard.
We can be hopeful without being positive. We can be resilient and still fall apart. We can be strong and still need support. Two things can be true at once.
Can we make more room for real, honest, messy human emotions instead of forced positivity?
Because life isn't always sunshine and bloody rainbows. And that's okay. ā¤ļø
What's the most unhelpful thing someone has said to you?