04/02/2019
This is a very important message! Read the blog information attached to the picture to gain more understanding of building a consent driven family system.
When we ask someone, “May I...?,” before moving forward with an action, we are acknowledging the other person’s right to their own choice in an experience, and we’re acknowledging that permission is required to move forward with an action. As we receive the response, the important next step is that we respect and adhere to the wishes and boundaries of another, without being dismissive or coercive. This process is a foundational component of consent.
Before it has anything to do with s*x, parents and caring adults can create a consent-conscious home by integrating this approach in many different ways:
❇️ “May I take a picture of/with you?”
❇️ “May I give you a hug?”
❇️ “May I try a bite of your snack?”
❇️ “May I share with them what you shared with me?”
❇️ “May I help you with that?”
❇️ “May I post this picture for others to see?”
❇️ “May I borrow your...?”
Some may argue, “why do I have to ask permission from a child?” or “they’re MY child, and until they’re on their own in the world, they do what I say.” Thinking such as this is what gets children accustomed to being controlled by another, operating out of a sense of obligation, and less able to assertively communicate their needs without fear. It essentially grooms them to be victims or oppressors within abusive relationships.
Some sound exceptions are when children are in stages of earlier development or if they’re living with different abilities that require adults to make decisions on their behalf. In those cases, the leading phrase before an action is performed may sound more like, “I’m going to...,” as a way of walking through intentions with open communication. Paying attention to non-verbal cues is still important, being ready to make adjustments as needed in response.
When we don’t seek consent, we assume another person’s feelings, wants and needs. We send the message that our will and desire is more important than theirs.
Raising children who become adolescents and adults that understand consent, respect and healthy boundaries means creating a home culture where the necessary skills and communication are consistently practiced, long before it has anything to do with s*x.
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