25/09/2026
The Choice
Have you ever woken feeling elevated, feeling finally free from the shackles of what is...
Finally, lightly stepping on the earth, knowing you had found your path, only to be pulled crashing down again because of all the energetics around you?
Recent realisations have shown me that I had finally come to appreciate a sense of grounding through which I now grow.
Appreciation of time that has now since passed, supporting the evolution of my mind, my body and soul, almost feeling reincarnated.
The reality of past pain, where I had periodically celebrated through solo experiences as I yearned to be of my own volition.
One where the cycles have propelled me forward rather than purely enabling another to guide as I previously thought necessary. With crushing reality that another cannot possibly understand our own light, our own need, as their experience is separate to us, as with the interpretation of dreams desired by you.
And yet, we all trust this other to provide, to deliver unquestionably, because isn’t this what we have come to believe?
But then only to fall with devastation when reality is faced, when another can assert their needs higher than our own, framing our mark of love as devotion to another before ourselves.
All too fast, we chase the approval of another to keep our connection alive. If only, we could quieten our willingness to see this devotion as potential reciprocation for us, then we might not choose to chase, as we appreciate our own priorities first.
As we lie our head down at night, it is with self that we lie.
And if when we lie, it is with grief, sadness or frustration, we cannot then blame another.
Life has become so much more complex than one ever thought.
The matrix within we live, ever pulsating with the needs of others, creating a need ever so more, that we learn our own need for devotion to self, first. To practice, appreciate and knead this learned skill, understanding where the weakness lies.
Life is not meant to be perfect. And as individuals neither are we.
I now wonder if by crinkling the page life unfolds on, we could fold our paper of experience back over these past years. Not to remove or hide their significance but to shroud the subtle energetics they may still hold.
I feel the same age when it all began, finally listening to something from within to instigate the change, but having no concept of the journey that was to unravel for me over the coming years.
It's like meeting her again but now with a choice she didn't yet know she had.
But with the chapter now laid to rest, an anchor I never wish to hold, happy that its heavy ropes are now frayed from around my soul.
That the fabric of my life continues to crinkle, straighten, and even tighten through the variety of experience.
But as with fabric, we can adjust, trim realign its line of emphasis to reset its new measure.
One that reflects the feel of now, one that flows, not too much or cumbersome in its feel.
To tread softly ... lightly on my space. To be able to float between the woes and highs of life, without a footprint.
To allow the cascade of whatever to unfurl, present itself whether with relief or tragedy but to remain within the flow, to experience its touch without the commitment until it is deemed by me, that I must, due to the path unfolding before me.
Where it feels light, fresh and willing for new adventure, new experiences with fresh feel.
Why couldn’t I simply be this within life?
Simply to fold back to when it all began, without the heaviness, or the damage the journey has caused, but as the reset of who I already am?
I have spent much of my life deeply sensitive to the emotional atmosphere around me. I am tired of merely accepting the energetics of another without reciprocation.
Aware my own sense of calm had become dependent upon the emotional state of others around me.
This newfound awareness has me perplexed as I emerge again into the world.
For so long, I was unable to tolerate the surrounding energetics, always attempting to quieten, to soften its impact, or to hasten away.
But now I appreciate that some noise never quietens nor seemingly wants to, and so it becomes only through my own choice that I remain.
I can walk into an unsettled room without making its settlement my responsibility.
I can also leave the room unsettled.
A choice up until recently I had no idea I had!
