03/08/2022
You are magic ✨
Happy international women’s day 💕
The Connected Baby Co
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- The Connected Baby Co
Here to help spread the word about normal infant sleep, help you get more sleep without sleep training & encourage connection along the way. Halifax NS
02/27/2022
slowing down to connect with your baby is big work, it may even be the biggest work
there are many reasons why your baby sleeps best with or on you but there are also reasons why YOU might find it hard to stop staring at them and holding them while they sleep
not only does this time together force parents to take a break from their busy lives, but forming and strengthening this connection from the beginning is so beneficial for a lifelong bond 👨👩👧
it also helps your child form healthy, secure attachments with you that they can use to support future relationships
don’t feel guilty for one second for slowing down with your baby, before you know it life will speed right back up and you’ll be so grateful for the time you spent relaxing and remembering their little features 🥺
02/15/2022
Your child doesn’t “hate sleep,” they aren’t even “fighting sleep” - can we stop blaming sleep? 😅
Hating or fighting sleep is always about something else. It can be the big separation for your child, discomfort, a scheduling issue, hunger, or many other factors causing your child to resist this time - but it is NOT the sleep they are fighting 🤍
Has your child ever fought (or seemingly hated) sleep? Did you figure out the true cause?
02/10/2022
Does your baby nap for 30 minutes? 2 hours? Somewhere in between? What about just 10 minutes in your arms?
All of these nap lengths (and more!) can be ✨normal✨
There are lots of people who say anything under an hour is a “crap nap” or that you need to do the “crib hour or crib 60/75” (leaving baby in the crib for 60 or 75 minutes) in order to extend a nap to a *truly restful* nap. This simply isn’t true 🙅🏻♀️🙅🏻♀️ (and FYI if your baby is in their crib it doesn’t mean they’re sleeping)
Best advice for reducing stress around nap lengths? Ignore the clock, seriously don’t even look at it. Watch your baby 👶🏼 they will tell you if their nap was valid and restful. If they wake happy and rested, even if it’s only been 10 min or 30 min or if it’s been 2 hours or more - then their nap was the right length! 👏🏼
If they’re waking fussy, cranky, seem tired - they may need some support falling back to sleep to extend their nap or may want to be held (if they weren’t already) for nap 2.0 ✌🏼
Please remember, cat naps are valid, normal, and healthy and a clock doesn’t determine if a nap is a “crap nap” - your baby does.
Share this with new mamas who may be stressing about those quick and efficient nappers 😴🤍
01/31/2022
Is your baby a light sleeper? Do they have short sleep cycles? This is NORMAL and healthy!
While as parents most of us would love for our babies to sleep longer and more deeply so we can get solid sleep, this really isn’t the safest sleep goal for our little ones.
Biologically babies are meant to wake frequently and stay in a lighter state of sleep. This actually keeps them safe and decreases the chances of SIDS.
Young babies have two sleep states: quiet and active. As they get a little older, often around the four month mark, they begin to have a third light sleep state as they move from being awake to asleep. Babies spend most of their time is active sleep, which is also when they are most likely to awaken. This lighter state of sleep allows babies to wake themselves when there is an issue.
Their lighter state of sleep and ability to wake easily is crucial if a baby is too cold, too hot, or not breathing. They may also wake for a number of other normal reasons too!
I know light sleepers with frequent wakes can be exhausting, I’m not denying that, but just know there’s nothing wrong with your baby or your parenting choices. Your baby is doing exactly what they need to protect themselves 💕
01/29/2022
Quoting my wise mother today because I think she has an interesting point with this perspective.
Before parenting books, we would have watched the mothers before us and we would have relied on what we just *felt* we should do and what felt right - I don’t think there would have been as much thought or questioning put into our parenting choices.
We would have parented based primarily on instincts because we would have had basically no other choice.
Parenting books have made us feel like someone else is the expert, someone else knows better, and someone else has the answers. But with how different our children and situations are it is impossible for someone else to know what is best for our families.
I do think there are a handful of books that can really help us understand our children and our roles as parents, but those are ones that emphasize the difference in each child and family and the importance of connection.
What do you think? Have parenting books in general helped or harmed our ability to parent from our instincts rather than our thoughts?
01/27/2022
Crying is such a tricky subject and topic of conversation in babies and children. Children who don’t cry or who appear always pleasant and agreeable are viewed as “good” kids and often seen as superior to children who do release their tears.
But children who cry ARE good kids and they AREN’T inferior to their non-crying peers.
We as a society are so uncomfortable with tears, sadness, and any emotion other than positive ones and we reflect these feelings onto our youngest generations.
While it’s true some children naturally cry more easily and more often than others, all children should feel comfortable releasing their emotions while supported by the ones they love.
When we ignore our child’s tears by not physically and emotionally responding to them, they can quickly learn that we are not comfortable being around them in that state. As a result they often stop showing us those emotions in order to keep us close.
This doesn’t always mean they’re happier, rather it CAN mean they’re suppressing their tears to protect the connection with us.
I believe it was Dr Gordon Neufeld who said “the tears we don’t cry out we cry in” - meaning if we can’t express and release our sadness or frustration we will internalize these feelings.
Our job is not to stop the tears of a frustrated, angry, or sad child. Our job is to support the tears and to stay with our child through their heartache as they release these emotions and can move on.
Do you struggle supporting your child’s tears?
01/26/2022
I often hear people say (especially in reference to sleep training) “you’ll know the difference in your baby’s cry: you’ll know if they’re actually hungry or need a diaper or if they just want attention”
When we get to toddlerhood (and even beyond) we often hear “oh they’re just acting out for attention”
What we often fail to recognize or remember is that the desire for attention actually stems from a deep-rooted NEED for connection.
Connection is an absolute need for all humans. It’s a non negotiable, we truly need it to survive and thrive.
If your child seems to be attention-seeking or crying “for attention” (especially when alone in their crib) I urge you to change your perspective. Sometimes just changing the word in your mind from “attention” or “connection” can make all the difference in how we respond 🤍
01/23/2022
This is something I see commonly, this idea that we have to teach babies how to do many things - eat, walk, sleep, talk, etc. It’s actually not true at all (in *most* cases).
Babies are born with innate abilities, eating, sleeping, eliminating are just three examples. They are born just KNOWING how to do these things - they do NOT need to be taught.
And walking, talking, crawling, etc are all naturally developed - we do not need to do anything at all to teach babies how to do these things. In some cases babies do need a little extra support, but for most little ones they will meet these developmental milestones when they’re ready, regardless of the fancy toys or clever strategies.
We don’t give our children enough credit - they can do a lot of things in their own time but what can help them to develop and thrive is a caregiver who is supportive and responsive.
Even if we needed to teach our child to eat, walk, crawl, etc we would NEVER use strategies of leaving them alone to figure it out, responding only at certain times, or responding in certain restricting ways (such as without touch or eye contact). So why do we attempt to “teach” our babies to sleep using these methods?
Why are mainstream methods of sleep “teaching” viewed completely differently than any other form of teaching?
I have my own thoughts, but what do you think? Why do you think we encouraged to respond fully when our child is struggling to walk but not when they are struggling to sleep? 👇🏼
01/21/2022
In a world where information is at our fingertips and advice is everywhere it is almost impossible not to second guess or doubt yourself when it comes to caring for your precious little person.
But remember, you were made for this, the instincts are within you - you may just have to listen extra carefully as you tune out the external noise.
If something feels good, it’s probably the right move. If something feels bad, maybe it’s not right for your family.
Do you know someone who could use this reminder? Let them know they’re doing an amazing job just by following their heart 🤍
01/19/2022
To follow up on my post yesterday regarding sleep training, I wanted to share my thoughts and feelings about parents who sleep train 🤍
While I don’t agree with sleep training, I truly don’t have any negative feelings or thoughts towards parents who sleep train.
In the end, we are all tired parents who love our babies and just want what’s best for them (and also some sleep 💤)
You’re doing amazing 💕
01/18/2022
🚨content warning: sleep training🚨
If you chose to sleep train your child using separation/cry-based methods:
• please use your discretion when choosing to read this post
• this information may be upsetting to some which is NOT my intention
• remember you are the best parent for your child and the decisions you make are personal to you and your family
• if this information is upsetting, take a deep breath and know that you are doing an amazing job, that you may not have known this information in the past, and that it is NOT YOUR FAULT if you felt pressured or misinformed when making past choices
Regardless what decisions you have made for your family, please be kind and understanding about the decisions of others 🤍
References:
• Cassels, T. (2012, January 19). What you need to know about crying-it-out | evolutionary ... Evolutionary Parenting. Retrieved January 18, 2022, from https://evolutionaryparenting.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-crying-it-out/
• Cry it out method: 6 baby experts who advise against it. BellyBelly. (2021, August 29). Retrieved January 18, 2022, from https://www.bellybelly.com.au/baby-sleep/cry-it-out/
• Maté, G. (2006, February 6). From our 2006 archives: Why I no longer believe babies should cry themselves to sleep. The Globe and Mail. Retrieved January 18, 2022, from http://www.theglobeandmail.com/amp/life/parenting/why-i-no-longer-believe-babies-should-cry-themselves-to-sleep/article622978/
• Nolen, J. L. (n.d.). Learned helplessness. Encyclopædia Britannica. Retrieved January 18, 2022, from https://www.britannica.com/science/learned-helplessness
01/01/2022
2022 goals: focus on the baby in front of you, follow your instincts, and ignore the advice that doesn’t make you feel good ❤️
Which resolution do you need most this year? ✨
12/31/2021
This year has certainly been a roller coaster and it seems to be ending in a way that most people wouldn’t have chosen.
So let’s focus on the good things that happened this year ✨
For me, a few highlights have been:
✔️ I got to connect with over 600 of you ❤️❤️
✔️ my parents moved from 4 hours away (and blocked for months by a closed border) to 15 minutes away 🎉
✔️ Lincoln has continued to grow, change, and fill our lives with laughter and love
What good things happened for you this year? 💕
11/22/2021
Little reminder about my goals as your sleep support person 🤍
My goal is NOT:
✖️to force independent sleep before a baby is ready
✖️to have a baby sleeping 12+ hours without their caregiver
✖️to have parents questioning their choices or going against their instincts
Instead, my goals include:
✔️helping the whole family feel rested
✔️establishing a beautiful, secure attachment between baby and caregivers
✔️encouraging parents to listen to their heart and instincts when responding to their child
✔️and so much more 🤍🤍
Healthy, happy families don’t NEED 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep or a baby who falls asleep alone.
They need:
• some good stretches of sleep
• quick and easy wakes when they happen
• quality postpartum support
• enjoyable, uncomplicated bedtimes
• a support system they can trust
• the knowledge that they know best for their baby
• reassurance that they’re doing an amazing job and their baby is thriving
What are your goals for your family’s sleep? 😴
11/20/2021
I’ll go first: my husband had been working a ton in past weeks but this week was actually home earlier in the evenings and it was so fun to watch Lincoln have so much fun with him ☺️🤍
I also randomly watched a few cheesy Christmas movies on Netflix, anyone else love those!?🎄
What’s something good that happened in your life this week or something good coming next week!? 🤩
11/18/2021
When we hear our babies cry it is our instinct to do everything in our power to stop those tears. For the most part this is amazing! Especially when we have young babies it means our little ones needs are met and they are comforted - this is amazing and huge for creating a secure attachment.
However, as babies get older and turn into toddlers, young children, etc the source of these tears often change from tears of need to tears of frustration.
When this happens, it’s important for us to still respond, support, and comfort our child but to also understand that these tears may be necessary for our child to work through a frustrating time (such as not being able to have a certain toy a sibling is playing with) to acceptance and moving on when THEY are ready. During these times it is not our job to STOP the tears, only to support them.
As a society we are so scared of tears and big emotions that we become uncomfortable when they show up in our children and we do everything we can to stop them to make OURSELVES feel better - we redirect, distract, tell our child they’re okay and something “isn’t a big deal.”
But whether something is a big deal or not isn’t up to us. Your child is going through huge developmental changes and learning so much, it’s an important part of their development to have these big feelings and to be supported through them.
This idea that “tears are important and a baby’s way of protesting change” is one that is often tossed around when sleep training to justify a baby crying for periods of time (often alone or with minimal contact). And while yes, it is true that changes can bring tears and this in itself isn’t the issue, it is CRUCIAL that we stay with our child (physically and emotionally) during these times of frustration and change. They need to know that they are supported and that you can handle their big feelings.
Are you comfortable with supporting your old baby/child through their tears and big feelings or do you jump to stop them? How were your tears and big feelings approached when you were young?
11/15/2021
Other people don’t have to agree with your decisions for them to be the right one for your family.
Your family is unique and special and you deserve the space to do what works to accommodate YOUR uniqueness.
Do you struggle with taking the opinions of others into account when making parenting choices?
11/11/2021
Honestly, my main wish for all parents is to trust their instincts and to do what feels right. It really doesn’t matter much to me WHAT you do, just as long as you do it because YOU want to and it’s right for your unique family.
But how on earth are we supposed to “follow our instincts” in parenting when we’ve been told they’re wrong for our entire lives?
• when you were a baby and cried to be held at night but your parent would only respond if you were hungry or wet
• when you were a toddler and didn’t want to hug that person goodbye but you were made to anyways
• when you were a child and your belly was full but you were told to finish all the food on your plate
• when you were a teenager and you didn’t want to try that alcohol but you felt pressured
• when you were a young adult and you didn’t feel comfortable around a stranger but were taught not to be rude
• when you were pregnant and you didn’t feel comfortable being induced but you were told you were putting your baby at risk if you didn’t
• when you had a newborn and you felt good holding them all the time but you were told you were creating bad habits
Chances are you have been told your entire life that you don’t know what’s best, that your instincts are wrong, and that others know best.
But it’s not true, YOU know best, you just have to re-connect with that part of yourself and re-learn that trust 🤍
Were you made to feel that your instincts were wrong growing up?
11/11/2021
Your child does not understand your good intentions. They don’t understand that you want them to sleep well and to be happy and healthy and that you truly just want the best for them.
They only understand the actions happening to them and the emotions around them.
• If they are being left alone while crying so they can “learn healthy sleep habits,” all they understand is the being left alone to cry part.
• If they physically see their caregiver sitting in a chair by their crib to “stay present” but the caregiver won’t make eye contact or touch them, all they understand is the space and distance.
Your baby is so smart in so many ways and they are more intuitive than we can imagine, but they cannot understand your intentions.
11/09/2021
SELF-SOOTHING👇🏼
This is a HUGE topic when it comes to infant sleep and it can be so confusing.
The only way we can “teach” a baby to self-soothe is through supporting that baby again and again and again, by being a calm and regulated caregiver for a baby to co-regulate with. A baby literally cannot learn how to self-soothe - their brain is not developed enough to handle distress alone.
Swipe through the slides to learn a bit more about this concept.
Have you felt pressured to teach your baby to self-soothe?
11/04/2021
The “just abstain, just say no, just walk away” mindset is historically ineffective.
Telling a group of individuals to “just avoid” doing something is not as helpful as we might like but rather pushes individuals to practice the “forbidden” thing in secret, in shame, and often unsafely.
As a society and especially as healthcare professionals providing care to new, vulnerable, exhausted parents there needs to be more open, honest, educational conversations around the reality that the majority of parents WILL fall asleep with their baby at some point - despite the incessant warnings not to.
Honesty and education can help save the lives of our most vulnerable population 🖤
11/01/2021
Letting go of control can be challenging and also so freeing 🧘🏻♀️
What’s something that you want to release control over? 🍃
10/29/2021
Marketing campaigns targeted at new, vulnerable, exhausted, stress out parents can negatively impact infant sleep.
Many baby sleep product companies subliminally (or directly) tell parents that their instincts are wrong, that they need to create separation during sleep, and that their responsiveness will create long term sleep problems for their babies. In place, they offer products that push babies and parents into a level of separation that is unnatural and uncomfortable.
These campaigns might also make parents feel unsure, anxious, and fearful about their decisions. These negative feelings are then felt by the baby, who responds by “fighting sleep.”
Read through the slides to learn more about this common occurrence and for some questions to help you consider purchases in the future.
Have you struggled with companies making you feel anxious or inadequate?
10/27/2021
*There are generalizations here, I realize this will not apply to ALL sleep trainers and pediatricians, but this is extremely common!*
I’m going to be blunt.
When a sleep trainer (or any person) says to “consult with your doctor/pediatrician to determine if baby can remove night feedings” it feels like a ❗️cop out❗️
Let’s be honest here, they know what the doctor is going to tell them. The generic criteria is right there in the AAP guidelines: baby doesn’t need night feeds after 6 months, 14lbs, etc.
Pediatricians are NOT feeding experts or infant sleep experts. They simply aren’t. They are experts in many things but sleep and feeds are not included (unless they have chosen to do extra education).
If a sleep trainer truly believes your child is ready to drop night feedings and has their best interest at heart, they need to be encouraging parents to seek out TRUE FEEDING EXPERTS.
The suggestion needs to be: “consult with your doctor AND an IBCLC to determine if your family is ready for this change”
But the reality is, almost no true feeding expert will advise a family to drop feedings for such a young baby. They may help support the family if it’s a necessary change, but they will almost always encourage family to keep night feeds if possible.
Tagged in the final slide are some amazing infant feeding experts. Not all are IBCLC’s by they are all wonderful resources who will help you make the best choices for your family ❤️
10/25/2021
🎉 500 follower giveaway 🎉
*closes October 29 at 10pm EST*
Thank you all so much for being here, it means the world to be able to connect with you all ❤️❤️
To celebrate 500 friends, I’m giving away a prize to (2) winners! 🥳
PRIZE:
Two winners will receive either👇🏼
•a 4 week sleep support package with me (valued at $350).
This includes a comprehensive intake form + food and sleep log, a 60 minute sleep education call, follow up email with resources AND 4 weeks of support to make changes and work on optimizing your family’s sleep 😴
OR
• if you do not require sleep support, you can instead choose one of my favourite parenting books 📚
To enter:
👉🏼Follow
👉🏼Like this post
👉🏼Tag any friends you think may benefit from this support! (Unlimited tags, one tag per comment)
✨bonus 5 entries - share to your stories (and tag me so I see it!!)
✨bonus 10 entries - subscribe to my email list (link in bio and grab a freebie!)
I’m so excited to continue to connect with you all and to continue to spread the word about biologically normal infant sleep and to help you connect with your babies ❤️❤️
*this giveaway is not sponsored or affiliated with instagram*
10/25/2021
happy monday friends 🤍
I hope you all had a beautiful weekend and are having a beautiful start to your week.
Today, I want you to repeat and remember this
“I am important and deserve to be taken care of”
It’s true! And as parents, especially moms, this can be hard to remember and even harder to enforce.
You are important and worthy of being taken care of, that might mean taking care of yourself and might also mean allowing others to care for you - both are important.
Do you find it hard to take care of yourself or allow others to care for you? Which do you find more challenging?
Love to you all this week 💕
10/23/2021
🛑 please stop talking negatively about yourself and calling your parenting decisions “weak”
If something is or isn’t right for your family that is perfectly fine, but it doesn’t mean you are stronger or weaker than another parent ❤️
We are all just doing our best: learning and growing as we go, and making the decisions that best suit our family based on circumstances, beliefs, and lived experiences.
YOU ARE STRONG 💪🏼💕
10/22/2021
It's true, sleep problems are VERY RARELY actually a sleep problem.
So why is your baby struggling to sleep? The reasons are endless. Good sleep happens when we are fulfilled, healthy, and secure in all other areas in our lives. If something is happening in our life, sleep is typically the thing that gets impacted. In most cases (especially for babies) sleep is the most vulnerable, quiet, solitary part of our day so it is when issues show themselves.
Have you ever noticed that if you're
- stressed
- excited
- sick
- missing someone
- or have anything else out of whack
your sleep tends to become interrupted?
✨babies are the same✨
Any little interruption or issue can impact their sleep and cause wake ups.
How can you work on your child's sleep? Optimize everything you can during the day including (but not limited to) ensuring they're well fed, have lots of connection with caregivers, have lots of outside time, and lots of time to work on new skills.
And staying close to them at night can help with the long stretch of separation that nighttime brings for your baby!
Have you noticed when something changes in your baby's life their sleep changes? What about your own life + sleep?
10/20/2021
Sleep associations: part three
Swipe through to learn more about sleep associations including how to change or remove sleep associations you don’t love anymore!
Sleep associations are NOT something to be scared of. Giving your baby lots of sleep associations and supporting them to sleep while they’re young will help them learn how to support themselves later in life.
What’s a sleep association you do with your baby that you both love? 💕
For me, I usually love nursing to sleep or almost to sleep (and Lincoln LOVES it!) because it’s simple and effective and I can do it while laying down!
10/18/2021
✨I allow myself to change my mind when something doesn’t feel good✨
This can be a really tough one! In all areas of our life it can feel like once we make a decision we have to stick to it. If we don’t, we are letting ourselves or someone else down or we might feel like we are failing.
But allow yourself the space to make changes in the things you thought you needed or should do.
We are constantly growing, learning, changing and sometimes the things we thought we needed - or did need for a period of time - are not right anymore.
Here’s a story about a time I made a change to a decision I initially thought was right for me:
When I was 17 I went to university on a scholarship - I had always been a really great student and university, specifically to study “sciences” (what does that even mean?), always felt like what I “should” do. I didn’t even consider other options, it was just the plan. I quickly realized it was not the path for me: I failed many courses, did not really attend classes as I should, and dropped out before first semester.
I felt so ashamed, embarrassed, and stupid because everyone thought I would succeed at this venture. I also felt like I wasted so much of my parents money (thanks guys, sorry 😬). But looking back, it shifted parts of my life and mindset that I needed shifted. It put me on a different path than I expected and started to change my perspective on what I needed in my life.
For some people changing their mind when something doesn’t feel good looks like getting a divorce, moving across the country, changing careers, or choosing to stop sleep training after deciding to do so.
Give yourself the space to change your mind, you do not have to stick to every decision you make. That’s the beauty of choice.
What’s a decision you made and later changed❓
10/18/2021
Sleep associations: part two
I take back what I said about “no bad/negative sleep associations” - there are a few exceptions and a few things that may be *actually* harmful to a child’s development.
BUT I stand by what I said that parental sleep associations are NOT negative and any healthy sleep association can help your family long term.
Swipe through to learn about how sleep associations can help families 💕
10/16/2021
Let’s talk about: sleep associations
In general, they get a bad rap. There is so much conversation about good/positive sleep associations and bad/negative sleep associations. Swipe through to read about how these “types” of sleep associations are categorized and why they may be flawed.
We all want what is best for our babies but we are constantly being given information shouting
“you shouldn’t be doing that!”
“you’re hindering your child’s chance at good sleep!”
“YOU are the problem!”
Let me remind you: your responsiveness, comfort, and support will NEVER BE THE WRONG CHOICE. YOU are exactly what your child needs regardless of the time and regardless what outside sources tell you.
This is part one, in part two we will talk about HOW sleep associations can actually benefit your family 🖤
Share this post to remind families that they are not a sleep association, they are a parent and an integral part of their child’s development 😘
10/14/2021
Hi friends! With so many new faces showing up in the past few weeks, I thought I’d introduce myself again.
I’m Shelby, and I am a first time mom to a 15 month old daughter, Lincoln. We live on the beautiful east coast of Canada.
Throughout my life I struggled hard with deciding what I wanted to “be” and what type of job I wanted to “do” (just ask my parents who helped me pay for a university that I quickly dropped out of 😜) - honestly it was hard to openly say that all I wanted was to be a mom.
Ever since I was a young child, being a mom is truly ALL I could picture myself as.
But, if you haven’t noticed, being “just” a mom doesn’t get you paid. And by society’s standards not getting paid means you’re not successful, and honestly I wanted to be successful.
I’m still working on changing these beliefs about success. I’m still working to convince myself that all of the snuggling, bathing, tickling, laughing, learning, supporting, exploring, and loving my girl so hard IS my way of creating success. Giving her the best start I can IS success.
I loved being pregnant, there are some parts of the birth I could leave behind, and I truly LOVE being a mom.
That doesn’t mean it’s easy - some days are really hard, but it also does feel so natural, it feels like I’m finally becoming who I was meant to be. I’m finally fulfilling my lifelong dream of caring for my tiny person.
This is MY story. Yours might be different and that’s okay. Maybe you love being a parent but you love your career too. Maybe you’re struggling with loving being a parent. Maybe some days you really hate it (lol same here some days! 🙋🏻♀️). Maybe your transition to parenthood felt clunky and unnatural.
These are all valid parts of this journey.
Don’t let one person’s story change the way you interpret your own story.
How was your transition to parenthood? 👨👩👧
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