10/23/2026
She tells me her libido is gone, then adds, almost apologetically, that she thinks it is really her marriage. Desire runs on physiology and on connection and on how much you are carrying, which is why a hormone-only plan keeps not working.
And she might be partly right about the marriage. That is worth taking seriously rather than waving away.
But she is also carrying a full load, sleeping badly, and running on hormones that have genuinely shifted. The hormone-only version and the relationship-only version fail for the same reason. Each is trying to explain a three-input problem with one input.
Foreplay is in the kitchen. It is physiology, but it is also connection, and it is also the dishwasher getting unloaded.
So I do not pick a side, and I do not let her pick one either. Save this if you have been quietly deciding it is your marriage.