The first picture is 12-year-old Carley. I talk to her a lot. I meet her in meditations. At first she was reluctant to open up. She was insecure and cautious with her heart, didn’t trust love. She would make herself known in my adult life whenever I felt my body clam up around affection, the aloofness I would adopt when someone was complimenting me, or a red-blotchy neck whenever I was talking about something emotional or important to me. I used to betray her when she would come around. Tell her she was ridiculous to feel this way. Tell her she was “getting in the way” of me living my life.
One day I started doing a course on @dailyom called ‘Reparenting your Inner Child’. She rushed in and started screaming. Started telling me things I forgot about her – “I feel unnurtured, unsafe, and lonely! No one sees me and I’m hurt.” The thing is, I knew that all along….I just pushed it aside because I couldn’t help her. I was hurt too.
The second picture is the woman who saved her. The woman who told her, “it’s my job to protect you now. It’s my job to hold you”. This is the woman who would meet that little girl in meditations, cradled her as she cried, and advocated for her when she felt unseen, unheard, or powerless. This woman made sure to gain her trust as slowly as it needed to be until that little girl could let it all go. Until that little girl felt safe again. At some point, in the cosmos, they realized how important they were to each other and developed this deep love and respect.
We now travel this life together. There are times where I have to remind her, “I’ve got this”, and other times she squeezes my hand to remind me. She is one of the bravest most powerful little girls in the world. There was a voice that kept whispering this to her as she grew up. We both recently realized, that voice was mine.