Alessia Manzoli - Registered Psychotherapist

07/09/2024

I heard something like this in a yoga class. It was about moving from one pose to another with patience…but wow, does this ever apply to life off the mat too!

When we are in a transitional phase - graduating school, switching careers, moving homes, ending relationships, starting relationships, starting families, figuring out your identity, etc - we can sometimes expect ourselves to get to the other side very quickly... sometimes, EXTREMELY quickly.

This is such an unfair expectation. Not only does it put pressure on ourselves to make the impossible happen, but it also downplays a huge part of what gets us to the other side, which is the strength that we find along the way.

In each moment that we move patiently through our discomfort, we teach ourselves that we are safe here. That discomfort isn’t dangerous. Here, we learn that we are capable of facing our challenges.

This patience creates room for curiosity, for self-awareness, for resilience, and for a fully embodied experience. We don’t need to disregard or even abandon our authenticity in order to find some sort of relief. In this mindful navigating, we can be present to our alignment, whether that is physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual.

I invite you to give yourself grace in your transition, whatever it may be. Remind yourself of the incredible strength and resilience that comes with your self-compassion, patience, and (slight) (or not so slight) discomfort.

✨🕊️🌱

06/17/2024

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05/23/2024

There are so many ~ t h i n g s ~ out there that try to convince you that you don’t know what you’re doing. Or that you’re not necessarily allowed to do the thing you’re doing. Whatever position you’re in, you’re not enough as you are.

I’m talking about the ads that tell you you have a problem to be fixed, the social norms that create “us vs them” dynamics, and then the fast fixes, the “hacks”, the “5 quick ways to change your life” kinds of ~ t h i n g s ~

Sadly, these ~ t h i n g s ~ can be tempting to listen to, because they often are paired with binary, clear cut solutions, which are enticing to most (if not all) humans. We love order!

But here’s the thing: life doesn’t inherently have order. In fact, it’s inherently chaotic. Things are not so binary, and there are no well-rounded cookie cutter fixes. So when you defer your choices, and the permission to make those choices, to someone outside of yourself, you risk putting yourself into the “all or nothing” box. You risk losing your truest self. You risk losing the life that authentically align with you. You risk losing your empowerment, and you risk living a life that is rooted in the expectations of everyone around you.

Remember: It’s you who gets to decide the “how”. And it’s you who gets to permit yourself to carry out the how. Even if it’s unconventional. ✨

05/08/2024

Check out my newest blog post about the importance and function of emotions! www.alessiamanzoli.com/post/importanceofemotions

What's the point of our emotions? Why do we have to "sit with them"? Why can't I just figure out why I feel this way, so I can figure out how to "fix it"? These are all questions I've heard before. They're even questions that I've contemplated in my own healing journey. What's amazing about this par...

03/31/2024

Sometimes it’s hard to tell. Both include circular motion. Both include repetition. Both can feel like spiralling 😵‍💫

This repetition can be confusing. We often wonder why we get “stuck” on something and repeat certain cycles. Unfortunately, we also often shame ourselves for being in these cycles.

But the truth is, the way we learn is through repetition. There is no shame in that. When we accept that, we can start to incorporate a self check-in along the way. Each time we notice the cycle, we can ask ourselves, “am I revolving or am I evolving?”

Revolving is more often the initial response to a situation or a pattern, where it’s important to acknowledge and be with your emotions. We might spend a lot of time replaying a scenario or repeating it in different contexts. This happens when we aren’t ready, for one reason or another, to look at how we are contributing to a situation. It’s okay to be here and to feel out the emotion. However, it can hurt to be here longer than we need to. And sometimes we trap ourselves here.

The process of evolving is where we can add a new element to our experience. Where we can take a step - yes, even a tiny micro step - into the direction that serves us better. Here, you may ask yourself, “how am I contributing to this?” (Or “how did I get here?” 🎶)

In the process of evolving, there is curiosity, intention, and awareness. Its important to note, this does not mean that there will be ~life changing paradigm shifts~ overnight. Boundaries might still be hard to set, but you are more aware of when they’re necessary, and you practice setting them. You might not find the love of your life immediately, but you know you are no longer willing to accept the bare minimum. You might not feel suddenly inspired or motivated to write your book, but you’ll know when the discipline is necessary.

Baby steps baby steps baby steps.

This is how we evolve.

Through progress, not perfection.

02/07/2024

We can often feel that progress isn’t progress until we get to the finish line, or see some drastic change. But the transformation happens in the baby steps (or the micro steps, if baby steps feel too big).

I often encourage people to take things day by day, hour by hour, or even minute by minute.

Through being present and intentional with each step, and consistent with our actions, we create transformation.

There’s beauty in the slow down, and in progress over perfection.

Give yourself permission to not rush, and to celebrate each step along the way. 👣

02/01/2024

Hello my friends! Here is a rare Alessia sighting for your gloomy Thursday afternoon. 👋👩🏻‍🦰

Thought I’d take a second to reintroduce myself here, and share a bit about my practice. If you have any thoughts, questions or inquiries, please feel free to DM me or email me at [email protected].

✨💛

01/23/2024

The power of a safe space is unmatched.

Whether it’s a friend, a loved one, a therapist, or anywhere else that safety is created, there’s a great potential for transformation when you are met with compassion, love, and reassurance. Especially when the story you’ve told yourself is “no one can ever know these parts of me, because they are so unloveable”. I know I’ve certainly had the thought of “I’m taking this to the grave”, wanting to keep my deepest pains a secret to all (including myself sometimes). It was through my own therapeutic journey that I really began to experience first-hand the truth of this quote, and the lightness that can come from releasing the shame and owning who you are with love and grace.

Your shame is not your truth.

You don’t need to bury it, or be buried by it.

My wish is that we can all find and create those safe spaces, for ourselves and for each other. There is power in the release 🕊️

09/06/2023

Guilt gets a bad rap, but guilt in and of itself is not a “bad” feeling. As with any other emotion, it is a visitor, here to deliver a message. Guilt informs us about our values and morals, and can reflect to us when we are not living in alignment with those values.

It’s important to distinguish when this goes beyond guilt and becomes something else. Sometimes it can become shame, other times it is an overwhelming discomfort. This can happen when you make a decision that’s in alignment with your values, but goes against someone else’s expectations. This can be super uncomfortable, especially if boundaries are a challenge for you - but it doesn’t actually mean you’re doing something wrong.

Self-inquiry and checking in can be a great way to distinguish between these states and how to navigate a given situation going forwards. If it’s guilt, it’s a great time to reassess your choices and decisions going forwards. If it’s discomfort, remind yourself that saying no, disagreeing, or setting a loving boundary is absolutely okay. Give yourself some grace and compassion in this process. 💫

Inspired by ’s podcast We Can Do Hard Things: Episode 221 How To Lose Half of Your Guilt

11/16/2022

A moment of appreciation and a farewell to one of the most vibrant Fall seasons we’ve had in a while 🧡🍂 Time to lean into cozy season ❄️

09/24/2022

Something I often return to is the power of our words and our self-talk. Language has such a great influence on our experiences! So I thought I’d share another piece of the language puzzle as a tool to enhance how we relate to ourselves. This is an emotional processing technique from the brilliant Dr. Dan Siegel. Name them, tame them, validate them, decide what to do, breathe 🌬

Dan Siegel does a lot of his work with children and parenting, so this can also be a great technique to use with kids in order to help them connect with their bodies and learn to identify and cope with emotions. Instead of naming your experience, you can help them label theirs by saying “you’re feeling angry/scared/excited/frustrated” etc.

09/13/2022

Hi 👋 it’s been a little while since I’ve appeared on here and I wanted to reintroduce myself!

• I’m a Registered Psychotherapist, and I mainly work with young adults and millennials who experience anxious or depressed feelings, self-doubt, relationship concerns, or general “stuckness” around their direction in life

• I could happily live off of peanut butter 🥜

• I love music, baking, podcasts, nature, hockey, and generally learning/trying new things - right now, that’s go karting! (I will always encourage any form of play as a part of self care 🤸‍♀️)

• I have been referred to by colleagues as the millennial-aged cool grandma (Did I mention I love crocheting?)

• One of my biggest passions is providing a safe, compassionate, and empowering space for people to explore their inner worlds, and reconnect with their true sense of self ✨

• I believe in the power of integrating the mind, body and spirit, which is reflected in my sessions through mindfulness techniques and tools 💭

• I have been vegan for 8 years and am happy to support those who have questions or anxieties around their own relationship to veganism

• On Mondays I offer in-person therapy in Vaughan, and I offer virtual sessions throughout the week!

• Thank you for reading!! Please feel free to contact me if you ever need support 💫

09/09/2022

The rest of the quote goes: “and what a wonderful thing to realize! We can begin to be free in this moment!”

Of course, this is not to downplay the impact of the events or traumas leading up to this moment. This refers more so to the patterns we repeat and stories we tell ourselves.

Next time you catch yourself saying “that’s just who I am” or “I’ve always been this way”, remind yourself of this very thing. You are here, now. You get to choose differently at any point in time. It’s not always easy, but it’s very much possible. 🐛🦋

05/14/2022

If we cast our feelings into the shadows, then we won’t have to feel them. Logically, this seems like a great idea, doesn’t it? Burying our pains into the darkness can feel like such a relief in the short term.

However, this might not necessarily mean that healing is happening. Time itself doesn’t heal all wounds. Effort and acknowledgement have to be a part of the process.

When we bury our feelings, what actually happens is that we may spend our whole lives trying to avoid the things that rub up against them. We start to protect ourselves and build walls surrounding the thorn in our hearts. We pretend it’s not even there, even though it might be our main source of motivation.

Seeing our pain, acknowledging our feelings, recognizing the wounds….that’s the true way towards healing. If we can be vulnerable and recognize what’s not working, that’s when we actually have the power to create change. Once we have the ability to be honest with ourselves, there is so much potential for releasing what has been trapped in the shadows for so long. We let go of the need to control our lives. We let go of the fear and avoidance. We let go of the pain. Letting go, letting go, letting go… 🦋

03/17/2022

Will always reshare this ✨

01/20/2022

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01/14/2022

🙏🔥🌐 AlanWatts.org

01/03/2022

Shame. The universal human experience (even for those who don’t care to admit it!… That might be the shame talking 🤭)

It used to be believed that shame is a good motivator. That someone feeling bad about themselves would encourage changed behaviour. However that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Healthy guilt is more telling of how we might act out of line with our core self, and can redirect us to aligning with our values… but shame can be debilitating. It becomes an identity.

Shame is painful, and goes against our very natural desire and need to connect.

Shame convinces us that we are flawed, unloveable, not enough - and it encourages us to hide.

And, unfortunately, shame grows stronger in the shadows of secrecy. Shame says, “They can’t find out ______ about me, or they’ll know how flawed I am.” It holds a tight grip and convinces us to refrain from sharing, to withdraw from vulnerability.

But shame isn’t telling the truth. Shame operates out of fear. You are more than your fear.

You are a lovable, worthy, beautifully unique human being, who deserves the empathy that can transform your shame. This is one of the reasons that therapy is so powerful.

When shame comes creeping in, try to meet it with a reminder. “I am allowed to make mistakes, and still be worthy of love. I can be true to who I am, and can still belong.”

12/14/2021

I love this quote and all the different meanings it can have. Right now, I’m thinking about it in terms of the beauty of neuroplasticity - or in other words, the flexibility of your brain. It may be wired one way due to upbringing, past experiences, or traumas, with beliefs that the world is unsafe or that you are inherently flawed in some way…. But the brain, and these beliefs, are malleable. Just as you strengthen your muscles through exercising, you can strengthen new neural pathways with practice and patience. You are capable of creating feelings of safety, self-compassion, and empowerment in your mind and body, to the degree that it eventually becomes your norm. This is why positive self-talk, affirmations, and language choice is so so powerful! If you’re reading this, take this as a reminder to use kind words to yourself today. You deserve it ✨🧠💪

12/13/2021

Laughter is some of my favourite medicine. 😊 You can find me at on Mondays for in-person sessions.


(Photo taken in 2019. Safety measures, masks and plexiglass are now in place!)

11/17/2021

11/16/2021

🦋

11/09/2021

The Inner Critic is a pervasive voice that shows up in many hurtful ways. It can affect your sense of self-worth, your career, relationships, and fulfillment in life. Though we might experience it differently, the Inner Critic often has a consistent core message: “something about you is inherently flawed”…..but this simply isn’t true! ✨

Exploring how and when your Inner Critic shows up and affects you can be a very eye-opening experience. Awareness is the first step towards transforming its hostility into a compassionate and empowered relationship to Self 💖

11/02/2021

When we move from a place of fear, we are investing a lot of energy in avoiding something 'bad', whereas when we move from a place of love, we are investing in our greater good.

This subtle difference can create potential for healing and honouring yourself rather than punishing yourself. We can even take the same behaviour and look at it from both mindsets to see the difference in experience. For example, exercising can be seen as a punishment (fear), or an opportunity to do something that will feel good for you in the short and long term (love). One of those two is much more enjoyable than the other!

When we shift our perspective towards love, we can interact with ourselves in a much more compassionate and courageous way. By extension, we are also more able to relate to others in that same way. Love creates room to explore, get curious, take accountability, and create powerful changes towards alignment in our inner and outer worlds.

Moving towards love takes practice. Our fear mindsets have been protecting us for so long that it can feel vulnerable and risky to choose love. When you notice the fear mindset comes in, try to ask yourself, "what would love do next?" and see what comes!

10/14/2021

We have different self care needs at different times. Generally, our needs can fall into the categories above. Yet when we are already feeling stressed or burnt out, it can be hard to think of different ways to meet our needs. That’s why I love this exercise! Take some time to brainstorm different self care activities that you can do based on your available time/energy levels, and type of need. Refer to this list when it’s time for self care!

(This is not an exhaustive list - other ideas might be going for a drive, playing a team sport, exploring a new part of the city, getting coffee, doing your nails, painting, baking, knitting, going to the movies, playing an instrument, joining a support group, etc) What do you do for self care? 💪🧠

10/13/2021

🍂

10/10/2021

Stigma is isolating, isolation breeds shame, shame perpetuates the idea that you are fundamentally flawed, and believing that you are flawed can be one of the most painful, hopeless, and isolating human experiences... And so the cycle continues.

This is why facilitating conversations about mental health needs to go beyond a few dedicated days a year. Human beings have mental health, every day. Like physical health, quality of mental health can ebb and flow. On good days, we don't always think about it. But on bad days, we might feel shame for having the low points; when we've been taught to "push through", or that it's "weak" or a "failure" to have these feelings, we lose the opportunity for healing them. Instead, we reject our beautifully dynamic humanness, and we perpetuate the idea that we aren't "good enough". We might distract ourselves, hate ourselves, or feel a need to escape.

This is why connection can be an antidote. When we hold space for our humanness, when we see each other, when we feel supported, we take away the power of shame, and re-empower ourselves. Through something as simple as expressing, without needing a solution or a fix, we can heal and transform the pain. In fact, if we can accept that being human comes with a wide spectrum of emotions, we can learn to find comfort in the discomfort, sit in the painful feelings, and lovingly nurture them.

The last thing you deserve in your most challenging moments is shame for being human. Today, and everyday, I want you to know that you are not alone.

09/23/2021

Don’t take anything personally ~

09/20/2021

Positively Present

09/02/2021