10/14/2026
Please tell me I'm not the only 80s kid who says "that's just the way it was" 🙋♀️
You're not. We left the house after breakfast and came home when the streetlights came on.
And somehow this is the childhood we're nostalgic for.
Some of what we remember as freedom was actually absence. You wore the house key around your neck and came home to nobody. And a lot of us learned something very early:
Handle it yourself.
Sad? Handle it.
Scared? Handle it.
Bullied? Handle it.
Parents fighting? Turn up the television.
Dad drinking? Don't talk about it.
Mom exhausted? Don't add another problem.
Here's the part I hear about in my office now: "That's just the way it was."
It usually comes right after something that makes me stop. Then there's a little laugh, and we're on to the next thing before I can ask about it.
It has cousins. "We turned out fine." "Everybody got spanked." "My parents did the best they could." "I'm good."
Most of our parents were raised by people who had it harder, and they passed on what was passed to them.
I don't hear it as a lie. Most of the time it's true. It's also the sentence we learned so we could stop feeling it and keep going.
So when someone says it, I ask one thing: how does your body feel when you say that? The shoulders come up. The jaw sets. Your head decided it was fine a long time ago, and your body never did.
The best parts of us came from the same places that hurt us. We got independent, resourceful, funny, and tough. A lot of us are also lonely.
None of this means blaming your parents. You can love them and still say it was hard. You're allowed to need people now.
You're finally old enough to understand the kid riding the bike. To just ride next to her for a while. And eventually say: "You're good. You're a good kid. And you're loved, even though no one told you."
Then we'd go get a Slurpee.
Got a question you'd like me to answer? Send it my way, and it might be the next one I answer here.
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