20/10/2026
What you see:
A full-time carer mum living her best life, seeing her favourite childhood band, WESTLIFE, live for the very first time. 🥹❤️
I laughed, I cried, I danced, and I sang my absolute heart out.
Oh, and Shane grabbed my hand, which very nearly resulted in my untimely death. 🤣🤣❤️
But what you didn’t see was…
The mum who almost cancelled several times.
The mum who watched her son extra closely in the days leading up to the concert, looking for even the smallest change that might justify staying home.
The temperature checks.
The blood glucose checks.
The counting of seizures.
The action plans.
The constant calculations running through my head.
If something happens, what’s the quickest route to the hospital?
How quickly can I get home?
What if the worst happens while I’m out enjoying myself?
Because when your child has complex medical needs, leaving them isn’t as simple as arranging a babysitter and walking out the door.
Even when you know they’re in the safest possible hands.
Even when you know their dad is more than capable of caring for them.
Even when you know you deserve a break.
A part of you still feels like you should be at home.
Because you’re so used to being the one who watches, monitors, anticipates and prepares. You’re used to being the person who notices the slightest change. The person who knows what to do when things go wrong.
And switching that part of your brain off? That’s almost impossible.
As it happens, Jack did have several prolonged seizures requiring rescue medication while I was away.
Nick deliberately didn’t tell me until I arrived home.
He knew me well enough to know that, had I known, I would have walked straight out of that venue and headed for my boy.
Even though I couldn’t have done anything more than Nick was already doing.
Even though Jack was being cared for by the person who loves him just as fiercely as I do.
I would have wanted to be there.
Because that’s what this life does to you. You can be physically somewhere else, but your heart never really leaves home. ❤️
And that’s why I’m so thankful for the relationship Nick and I have, even when life feels impossibly hard.
Quality time together is rare. Time to ourselves is rare. Time to simply exist as Amanda and Nick, rather than Mum and Dad, is rare.
But we recognise how important it is.
We take turns holding the fort so the other can take a breath. We give each other permission to step away, even when it’s difficult, because we know that neither of us can pour from an empty cup.
Nick knew how much I wanted to see Westlife. He knew what this night meant to me, and he understood how precious these moments of freedom can be when your world revolves around complex care, hospital admissions, medication schedules and the constant fear of what might happen next.
So he held everything together at home, just as I know I would do for him.
And for that, I am so grateful. ❤️
I had the most wonderful night.
I sang until my voice hurt. I danced. I cried. I held Shane’s hand (still not over that, by the way 🤣).
And then I came home to my beautiful family.
My baby was safe.
And for a little while, I got to be more than the mum who carries so much.
I got to just be me.
And that’s what I wish more people understood about full-time carers.
When you see us having a rare night out, enjoying a concert, going for a meal, taking a holiday or simply doing something for ourselves, you don’t always see what it took to get us there.
You don’t see the guilt we had to work through.
The anxiety we had to manage.
The mental checklists we ran through a hundred times.
The preparations, the contingency plans, the constant what ifs.
You don’t see how hard we fought with ourselves just to give ourselves permission to go.
And you certainly don’t see the part of us that is still at home, even when we’re standing in a room full of thousands of people, singing our hearts out.
We don’t love our children any less because we need a break.
We aren’t any less devoted because we want to experience something wonderful.
And we aren’t selfish for wanting to feel like ourselves again.
We are still people outside of our caring roles. We are still allowed to have moments that belong just to us. ❤️
Sometimes, those moments take an enormous amount of courage to reach.
And sometimes, they involve Shane Filan grabbing your hand and making every single second of anxiety worthwhile. 🤣😭❤️
So here’s your reminder, if you’re a parent or full-time carer who is struggling to take that break:
You can love your child with every fibre of your being and still want to go.
You can worry about them and still walk out of the door.
You can miss them and still enjoy yourself.
Both things can be true.
And to Nick, who held everything together at home so I could make a memory I’ll treasure forever, thank you. I couldn’t do this without you. ❤️
Westlife, you were everything I hoped you’d be.
And Shane… call me. 🤣🤣❤️
