Deborah Berryman Wellbeing

13/10/2026

INCOMING RANT… which may have turned into a rallying cry.
I’ve been wrestling with this for a while.

I talk a lot about creating a life that feels more like yours. More joy, more aliveness, more YOU!

And I mean it. Life is short, and precious, and I don’t want us getting to the end of ours having been terribly responsible but not very alive.

Then I look at the world right now and think “Really, Deborah?

Wars, mad people doing mad things. Financial pressure, political and social division. The planet, this beautiful planet. And the bloody news.

Seriously, is “have more of what you love in your life” really what I want to be talking about?

And I keep coming back to the same answer.
YES! And here’s why.

Because the women I work with aren't oblivious to what's happening in the world. Good God, no!

They're smart, socially conscious and care deeply.

They're raising children, supporting ageing parents, running businesses, teaching, leading, caring, volunteering, campaigning, holding families and communities together.

They're paying attention. AND quite a lot of them are bloody exhausted.

My loves, its true - we have INIFINTE love and care.
But we have finite capacity. Finite time. Finite attention. Finite emotional energy.

And I think one of the biggest lies we live by is that it ALL matters.
It doesn't and it can’t.

Some things matter deeply and some things matter less. Some burdens we gladly choose, and some things aren't ours to carry at all. Part of the work is learning the difference.

I see women pouring extraordinary amounts of themselves into places where, quite frankly, it is not their goddamn job.

Managing other people's feelings, keeping everybody happy. Trying to prevent disappointment, taking way too much responsibility for relationships that require two people.
Thinking for folks who are perfectly capable of thinking for themselves. Replaying a conversation for three days because somebody might have misunderstood them.
Stepping in. Smoothing over. Anticipating. Fixing. Trying to get somebody else to change so that they can finally be okay.

It's exhausting. And it doesn't leave much room for the things that really matter to us - our health, our creativity, our relationships, our communities. The work we care about. The things happening in the world that we genuinely want to put our shoulder behind. Our joy, our one actual PRECIOUS life.

So when I talk about nourishing ourselves, I don't mean bubble baths and pretending the difficult stuff isn't happening.

I mean stop pouring yourself endlessly into places that aren't yours to carry. The discernment is the work.

Rest my love. Eat properly. Move your body. Go somewhere beautiful. Make something you love. Spend time with people who you feel completely yourself around. Have an afternoon in which nobody needs anything from you.

Resource yourself and then ask: With the energy I have now, what do I want to give myself to?
Not: what can I possibly squeeze in after everyone else has had their share of me?

That's the bit I'm increasingly interested in. Not conserving all our energy just for ourselves, but RECLAIMING it so we can spend it more deliberately.
On our own lives, yes. And on the people, places, work and causes that genuinely matter to us.

I don't think the world needs more exhausted women sacrificing themselves on the altar of everyone else's needs, expectations and opinions - to prove they’re 'good' women.

But I also don’t think the answer is to disappear into self-care. To make our worlds smaller and smaller until the only question left is whether something feels good for me.

I want something else.

I want more women who are resourced enough, awake enough and self-trusting enough to participate.

Women who can hear themselves and trust themselves. Who know what matters to them.

Who can say “No. I don't agree. That's not okay with me. I'm not participating in that. This matters enough for me to act.”

Women who don't need everyone around them to approve or agree when they speak.

Who can say I was wrong. I've changed my mind.
Who can be frightened and do something anyway.
Who can let somebody be disappointed without immediately twisting themselves into a more acceptable shape.

And yes. I want those same women to take the afternoon off, go walking, paint the bloody picture. Book the train somewhere they've never been, sit in a café for far too long. Fall in love. Dance. Rest. Laugh so hard they p*e a little. Want things simply because they want them.

I don't think we have to CHOOSE - between caring for ourselves and giving a damn about the world.
Between pleasure and purpose.
Between a life that brings us joy, and a life that means something.
Between being fully ourselves and being part of something bigger than ourselves.

Actually, I whole-heartedly believe they're connected.
Because when a woman learns to hear herself, trust what she hears and act, something else becomes possible.

She doesn't just become better at choosing how she spends her Sunday afternoon.
She becomes harder to SILENCE. Harder to persuade out of what she knows simply because somebody else doesn't like it.

She's less willing to go along with something simply because speaking up would make things uncomfortable.
More able to stay present when things get messy. More willing to ask: What do I actually think? What matters here? What is mine to do? Am I REALLY ok with this?

That's a BIG part of what Living Whole means to me. Maybe more than I've said out loud before.

It's not about creating some lovely little life where nothing hurts and everyone leaves you alone. Although honestly, some days that sounds bloody marvellous.!

But I want more for us than that.

It's about becoming more available to your life. All of it. The beauty and the heartbreak. The afternoon meandering around somewhere new and the moment you have to stand your ground and say “No. This isn't okay.”

The things that delight you and the things you can no longer look away from.
Your own precious life.

AND this messy, frightening, extraordinary world we're living it in.

I want women who are awake for both.
THAT's the kind of wholeness I'm interested in.
💛
(Rant over, phew! thanks for listening)

12/10/2026

Night swimming ✨ Well this is new, and quite lovely!

09/10/2026

This morning I watched leaves falling from the trees.

They always look so darned joyful in their letting go - I imagine a high pitched 'weeeeeeee!' as they catch a gust of wind: delighted it's finally their turn.

No resistence AT ALL, just a readiness for this next transition.

Ahhh, to be a leaf! 🍁 🍂

06/10/2026

Last week’s coaching event looked a little different 🌲

Some time in the forest, learning, experimenting and remembering what matters NOW, in this season of life.

There's always another layer - another way of listening to ourselves, or another question that opens something up in us.

There's so much magic when we come together!
And who doesnt love a campfire and a sauna?!

04/10/2026

FAY's STORY: from knowing to living it

There’s a particular kind of frustration that comes when you know yourself really well, … and still find yourself doing the darn thing you said you weren’t going to do.

I met Fay years ago when she came on one of my yoga teacher trainings.

She was one of those brilliant women – insightful, loving, attentive, funny. Deeply empathic too.

Earlier this year she joined my Becoming Whole group.

There were relationships in her life where she KNEW she was over-giving, self-silencing or not honouring what she really felt and needed.

She could articulate the patterns beautifully and understand where they came from.

Honestly, Fay was HIGHLY self-aware - arguably *too* self-aware 😂

Because sometimes all that awareness simply gave her more material to think about.

And her empathy could become part of the tangle too. She could understand everyon - why they behaved that way. What they might be feeling. What had happened to them. Why they probably didn't mean it.

Until somewhere inside all that understanding, her own voice became harder to hear.

I see this so much in the wellbeing world. We can become SO GOOD at compassion, understanding and seeing every side that we forget to include ourselves in the circle of care.

And my friends, listen in - there isn’t a place in this world where it’s loving or spiritual to continually disregard the truth of your own soul.

Fay had done plenty of inner work - books, courses, retreats.
She had insights coming out of her ears!

Now she needed somewhere to practise living what she already knew.

• pausing when something upset or activated her, rather than saying yes, firing off the message, reacting immediately or trying to make the discomfort go away;

• noticing when she was disappearing down the rabbit hole of analysing everyone else’s feelings and motives, and coming back to: What do I feel? What do I need? What do I actually know to be true for me?

• saying the difficult thing and then letting the other person have their response - without rushing back in to explain herself, soften it, fix it or make sure they were OK.

And then the really bloody difficult bit - live from there!

Over the weeks, something began to shift. Fay described it like this:

“I feel the most internally stable and least reactive to life than I ever have… I am able to be self-aware and trust myself without turning it into overthinking.”

This week, I checked in with her. Life, inconveniently, had not stopped supplying messy human relationships. 🙄

But Fay said “I’m noticing what happens when I’m right there in the messy reality of life and choosing differently now… I’m so much further forward than I’ve ever been... I’m living it more than I’m not.”

I’m living it more than I’m not.
God, I love that! Because THAT is the work.

Not becoming some perfectly healed woman who never gets triggered, people-pleases, loses her nerve or falls into an old pattern again.

But noticing sooner, coming back - forgiving yourself quickly (no self shaming needed!) and remembering what matters to you.

Then finding enough courage and kindness to make the next honest choice.

Again and again.

Until, little by little, the gap begins to close between the woman you know inside and the way you actually live, love and choose.

Not a new you, a more WHOLE you.
And a life that feels more alive, more honest, more YOURS.

Which brings me to this…

I’m opening the doors to the next BECOMING WHOLE group today. HURRAH! 💛

We start 14 October, and I'm bringing together another small group of women for this work.

I'm looking for women a lot like Fay. Not necessarily in the circumstances of her life, but in this particular place:

You know yourself pretty well.

You've already done some inner work.

And there is something in your actual life you're ready to start living differently.

Maybe that's relationships where you can be more fully yourself.

Work that lights you up again.

Feeling strong and at home in your body.

Making room for the thing you've wanted for years.

Or simply waking up with more moments of: "God, I love my life like this."

Because ultimately, my love, we're not doing all this inner work just to get better at understanding ourselves.
We're doing it so we can LIVE!

Different women with different lives and different edges.
But underneath it all, the same question:

Can I trust myself enough to live into what I know, and create the life I want NOW - in this season?

If you're reading this with that little "this might be for me" feeling, comment below 'WHOLE' or DM me .

I’ll send you everything – what we’ll be working on, dates, investment and how it works – and if you're leaning towards a yes, we can have a chat.

And if you've been waiting for the perfect moment when you feel completely ready? My love, I’m not convinced she’s coming. 😉

Maybe readiness looks a little more like hearing the quiet pull towards something more honest, more alive, and being willing to take one small step towards it.

Walking alongside you,

Deborah 💛

24/09/2026

For over 20 years, I've taught yoga, run teacher trainings and led retreats.

I kept meeting these incredible, thoughtful, self-aware women who could connect deeply with themselves - feel clear, grounded, brave, ALIVE, more fully themselves - in practice, but then tell me they hated their job. Or felt lonely in their marriage.
Or were exhausted from being there for everyone else, while their own life felt somehow on hold.

There was this gap. Between the woman they could access on the mat, on retreat or in meditation and the woman who went home and had to have the conversation - say no, ask for something, risk disappointing somebody as she started to prioritise herself a bit more.
Or actually change the thing she’d known for a long time wasn’t working.

Yoga was showing her something real. But accessing it wasn't the same as living from it.

I saw it again and again. Enough times to realise this wasn’t just one woman struggling to follow through. There was something in the gap between who she could access in those spaces, and who she could be when she went home.

Some of you reading this have practised with me, trained with me or been on those retreats. You might know EXACTLY the feeling I’m talking about.

That gap became my work.

And as I paid attention, I realised: it wasn’t only on a yoga mat that I saw this woman come alive. There were other places she would suddenly become more fully herself.
There are places where you're unmistakably THERE -

On retreat for sure, or walking somewhere wild. Travelling, dancing. Making something soemthing you love, teaching or doing the bit of work you’re bloody brilliant at.

Talking about something you care about deeply. Being with the friends you don’t edit yourself around and laughing so hard your face hurts.

Or maybe it’s much quieter than that. Gardening. Swimming. Writing. Reading. An afternoon completely to yourself.

Something IN YOU comes back online. You feel spacious. Clear. Creative. Connected. And there’s this little sense of "Oh. There I am."

And then you go back to the marriage or work. Children, parents. inbox, washing. All the people who need something and all the relationships in which you already have a well-established role.

And gradually you can disappear back into managing your life, rather than actually living in it.

This fascinates me, because SHE - the clear, brave, alive one - hasn’t gone anywhere.
You can access her. But perhaps you haven’t yet learned how to LIVE from her.

How does THAT woman come home with you?
How does she show up in the conversation with your husband?
In the meeting with your boss?
In the way you spend a free Saturday?
In what you say yes to, stop tolerating or ask for.
Decide whether you stay, or go.
Or whether you allow yourself to want something for no better reason than "God, I love this!"

Because I don’t think that aliveness is frivolous.
It’s information!

I think the places where you come alive are telling you something, about what matters to you - what you’ve missed, what you need more of.

So perhaps the work isn’t just finding more places where you can 'go off' and remember yourself.
It’s learning how to bring HER home. Letting her take up more space in your actual life, and having more of a say in how your life is lived

Letting her be as present in your everyday as she is on the mat, on retreat or in those precious pockets of freedom.

It's actually what my work 'Becoming Whole' grew out of - whether it's 121 or group coaching.

This isn't just about just feeling more connected to yourself - although that's a necessary step.

We take HER into the actual relationship, job, decision, how you spend your time, or tackle the part of your life you know can't keep carrying on quite as it is.
You know... the things you've been thinking about changing for FAR too long.

How do we stop only visiting that woman like she's a guest, and practise actually living from her?
Letting her have a proper place in your life - not just whatever space is left over.

Becoming Whole is a 12-week small group for women in midlife where we learn and practise exactly that.

I’m inviting a small group of women to join me for the next one, starting in early October.

I’ll share more about it over the next few days, but if you’ve got to the bottom of this thinking "Oh God. This is me" Just comment WHOLE below or DM me, and I’ll send you the details.

Walking with you, all the way
Deborah x

P.S. The photo is from a morning ocean swim in India - the glorious “mermaids”. A pretty good snap of women looking very much ALIVE. :)

15/09/2026

Tomorrow, we're doing this: THE GAP BETWEEN KNOWING AND DOING WORKSHOP

12.30pm. Live. Free.

Bring the thing you've been circling - the conversation, decision, change.

The thing you keep saying you want to change and then somehow… not actually doing anything about.

We're going to look at why, when you know you want to live, relate or do something differently, you can still end up right back where you started – and how to start moving forward from there.

I'm teaching this because I've been in this place a MILLION times myself – and I see it ALL the time in the women I work with.

Smart, thoughtful, capable, VERY self-aware women (yogis, I see you!) who know themselves well - and yet! Still find themselves having the same bloody conversation with themselves six months, two years, sometimes ten years later.

So if that's you, you're in very good company.

And importantly, I know there IS a way through this.

Not by forcing yourself into a massive decision or finally becoming brave enough to never feel scared again. (Good luck with that!)

But by learning to notice the moment you start talking yourself out of what you want, and knowing what to do differently when that moment comes.

"But Deborah, I'm working." I know, love. COME.
Stick me in your ears on your lunch break if you have to.

"But I can't stay for the whole thing" - COME anyway, do what you can.

The workshop itself is an hour. If you need to disappear at 1.30, disappear. I won't take it personally.

"But I don't really know what my ‘thing’ is."

COME. You don't need to arrive with a beautifully articulated coaching goal and a colour-coded life plan (although welcome, obvs!)

"But I do know what it is, and I'm terrified you're going to tell me I need to DO something I'm not ready for"

I hear you hun, COME. Nobody is leaving their husband, resigning from their job or moving to France before 5pm.

"But I'm exhausted. I genuinely don't have capacity for another bloody thing."

Oh love, I KNOW. And actually, that's part of why I want you there.

Because waiting for life to calm down before you do anything about the life that's exhausting you can become a very long wait indeed.

We're not going to add another enormous project to your life.

We're going to take one real thing, look at what actually happens between “ENOUGH. Something needs to change” and “Maybe it's not THAT bad…” – and practise one piece of movement that fits the life you actually have.

"But I might not want to share."

You don't have to.

"But I've already done loads of therapy/coaching/personal development and I probably know all this."

Excellent. COME. Because tomorrow isn't about giving you another 47 things to KNOW. It's about why you know and still aren't doing.

The Gap Between Knowing and Doing
Tomorrow – Wednesday 16 September
12.30pm UK
Free + live online

Bring the thing.

We're going to look at what keeps pulling you back when you know you want to live, relate or do something differently - and how to start moving forward.

Booking link in comments 👇

10/09/2026

I shared a blog on Sunday about the loop we can get stuck in for YEARS.

Some version of "ENOUGH! “I can’t keep doing this!”
…“Actually, I’m fine.”

It stirred up a LOT of noise.

I got emails, DMs and comments with many versions of "Oh God. This is me!”

And honestly, this is why I write about this stuff. Because when we're stuck in it, we're so bloody convinced it's just us.

It isn't. I see versions of this ALL the time.

I said if enough of you were interested, I’d run a workshop to unpack what’s going on and look at what actually helps us get out of the loop.

Well, you lot were pretty clear.
SO HERE WE ARE

Next Wednesday I’m running a free live workshop:

THE GAP BETWEEN KNOWING AND DOING
Why you keep talking yourself out of what you know – and how to start moving forward

Because you know those moments when you reach the end of your tether - ENOUGH! Something HAS to change.

And you absolutely mean it.
You talk about it, think about it. Research jobs, houses, courses, retreats, campervans.

Or decide that "from Monday...." (we do love a Monday!) you’re going to get to the gym, stop working through lunch, go to bed on time and generally stop treating your own needs as the optional
extra.

Maybe you even email a therapist, open 17 tabs on Rightmove and ask ChatGPT to dish out life’s secrets until 1am. (I see you!)

And then something rather annoying happens.

The pressure starts to lifts. The relationship feels A BIT better. Work becomes bearable again because, well, you’ve had three good days.

And suddenly "Maybe it’s not actually THAT bad, maybe now isn’t the right time. Maybe I was being a bit, well... dramatic."

You close the tabs and tuck it neatly away.
Until next time.

Because perhaps things AREN’T that bad.
But you don’t want another ten years of THIS either.

There’s a whole world between blowing up your whole life and staying as you are.

THAT's the gap we’re going to work with.

🗓 Wednesday 16 September | 12.30pm UK
60mins. Free | Live | Online

Booking Link in comments/bio.

I’ll also stay for 15 minutes afterwards to coach a few people live. That bit won’t be recorded so people can speak freely.

Bring one real thing you’ve been circling. You’ll work with it privately as we go with absolutely no pressure to share anything.

Maybe you've been going round this loop for longer than you'd like to admit. That's ok,most of us have done a few laps 🙂

Start where you are. You don't have to solve your whole life, but you don't have to keep putting yourself on hold either. You can take one small step towards what really matters.

Come join me.

Deborah x

06/09/2026

“ENOUGH! I CAN'T KEEP DOING THIS!” … “Actually, I’m fine.”

I've heard this a few times in recent weeks, so I think we need to talk about it.

A woman recently contacted me in utter desperation “I can’t keep living like this.” She’d been unhappy for years and had reached that point of ‘Enough!’

But when we finally jumped on a call together “Actually, things aren’t quite as bad – I don’t think now is the right time.”

Sound familiar?

I know this merry-go-round intimately.

In the last few years of owning my yoga studio, I’d regularly reach ENOUGH.

Another 12-hour day. Another staffing crisis. Another weekend working. Another friend’s BBQ missed because somebody had left and I was stepping in. Again.

I’d talk to friends. Strategise, with better planning, obviously! Try to become a better, cleverer, more boundaried studio owner.

Then I’d have a few good days - a brilliant class, a laugh with the team. The pressure would lift, and before I knew it…
“Maybe it’s not so bad” was driving the bus.

Until the next time.

I’ve done it in relationships too.

And I see women doing it ALL THE TIME.

You reach “I cannot live like this anymore.”
You journal, research, look at jobs, houses, courses, retreats, campervans. Maybe ChatGPT into the early hours.

And it helps, of course it bloody helps. There’s hope and possibility. You feel less powerless because finally you’re DOING something.

You feel better before anything has actually changed.

Then you sleep well, work gets easier or you have a lovely weekend together and he’s trying again.

And “I CAN’T LIVE LIKE THIS” starts to look rather, well... dramatic.

Which version of you are you supposed to trust?

The one who was absolutely certain something had to change on Saturday? Or the one who, by Monday, is wondering if she’s being ungrateful or about to make a massive mistake?

And then, of course, there’s the small matter of what actually changing things might cost.

What about money? What if I hurt someone? What if I’m the bad guy here? What if I make a massive fu***ng mistake?

But a good day does not erase a pattern that’s been playing out for years. (read that again!)
That delicious temporary relief can masquerade as resolution.

It's useful to run this over your own life. Look at the 'thing' you once said you couldn't keep living with.
Are things genuinely better ? Or have you just become so bloody good at coping that you barely notice what it’s costing you?

I have enormous compassion for this because, as you can see, I’ve done a LOT of laps myself.

But I also believe waiting until life becomes unbearable before taking yourself seriously is a terrible way to live.

Because underneath all the should I stay or go, stick or twist, do something or be bloody grateful for what I’ve got… there is usually something you know as an unchanging truth. We know what we know.

And this is the work I care about most: helping you get underneath all that noise and find what’s actually true for you – then building a life from there.

Not necessarily by blowing everything up.

But by taking yourself seriously enough to start living differently.

I was thinking this week....I see this loop SO often, I think we need a conversation - to not only understand it better, but see a way out.

I’m thinking of running a FREE workshop in the next couple of weeks to explore that gap between knowing something needs to change and actually being able to DO something differently.

Interested?

LMK in the comments or DM me, and I’ll get something in the diary. 💛

And if you recognise yourself in this merry-go-round, I’ve written much more about my own (many!) laps around it here 👇

Full blog in comments.

I’m Deborah Berryman. After decades teaching yoga, leading teacher trainings and retreats, I discovered somatic movement when even my “wellbeing toolbox” wasn’t enough to stop the burnout and self-doubt. Now I help women come home to themselves through movement, coaching and community: Yoga ...

30/08/2026

To the woman who is well and truly off the wagon...

My love, this is a little end-of-summer love letter to you 💛

Summer is such an interesting season. We loosen our rhythms and routines to make space for more freedom, spontaneity and time off - from work, school timetables, heck, from trying so darn hard all the time with all the things.

Something in us LOVES the structural rebellion. (I’m convinced it’s our inner teenager.)

And then we get to the end of August and think, holy cow!…
I've put on 3lbs. Gah, how did I let myself get so off track?
My sleep is all over the place.
I haven't been on my yoga mat since July.
I did it again – took care of everyone else but me.

Mine was going out-out more in the evenings (gasp!) which inevitably meant later nights and later mornings.
And you know how I feel about my beloved sleep routine...!

It was fun. And also, I'm done 😊 Maybe you're feeling a bit of that too.

Summer was perhaps more freedom, or more chaos, probably a bit of both.

You’re allowed to say:
That was fun.
That WASN'T fun.
I've had enough.
My body wants something different now.

And before you launch into the full September overhaul - new morning routine, supplements, strength training, journalling and finally sorting out that crazy cupboard (I see you over-functioner!) – perhaps listen to that last one.

What happens in your body when you imagine carrying on exactly as you are?

And what shifts when you imagine returning to the things you know help you feel like you?

We don't have to beat ourselves up to get back on track. That doesn't help one tiny bit, and just makes things harder.

Perhaps somewhere along the way you learned that being hard on yourself was how you improved, stayed on track, or earned your sense of being okay and belonging.

My invitation is to try something else. To love where you are right now, whatever happened or didn’t happen, and then begin again.

Not from shame or frustration, but simply because it’s the next loving thing to do.
My god, life is hard enough. We don't need to be our own drill sergeant!

Something I've seen again and again when I'm coaching, is the woman making the deepest changes isn't necessarily the one who never falls back into old patterns.

She gets really bloody good at catching herself and coming back – without the story of "I've blown it" and disappearing down a shame spiral for three weeks.

What if THAT'S progress? Not never wandering off (good luck with that!).
But learning how to return without fighting, forcing or shaming ourselves all the way home and just cracking on again.

So forget ten things. What's ONE thing you know helps you feel like you, that you're ready to come back to?

Maybe it's going to bed when you're tired.
Getting back on your mat.
Walking without your phone.
Cooking yourself something that actually resembles food.
Saying no because you've had enough (gasp!).

No catching up, or making amends for August. No earning your way back into your own good books. Who has time for that?!

Just begin again.

We can wander off, forget, get distracted. Spend six weeks eating beige food and wondering where our good intentions went.

And knowing how to find our way back – a loving return, rather than dragging ourselves home by the scruff of the neck.

I wrote a little more about the art of the loving return in this week’s blog. You can read the full thing - link below in the comments.

I am so ready to return to rythms and routines that feels good.
But first, a full-moon swim HURRAH over the bank holiday!

What's the ONE thing you can't wait to get back to?

Deborah 💛