Ruth Tubbs Coaching

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Ruth Tubbs Coaching I help women rewire their brain & nervous system to shift overwhelm, over-control and disconnection in real time.

“I don’t know where I’d be without it.”These were the words of a client talking about our coaching sessions and the TINS...
23/10/2026

“I don’t know where I’d be without it.”

These were the words of a client talking about our coaching sessions and the TINS work we do together.

And honestly, this is why I do what I do.

Because it’s not about collecting more information about yourself, understanding why you do the things you do, or learning another strategy to manage how you’re feeling.

It’s about experiencing a real difference in how you feel, how you respond to life and how you experience yourself.

And knowing that you don’t have to keep living the way you learned to survive.

Because every time you feel guilty for saying no, taking time for yourself or making a decision someone else might not l...
20/10/2026

Because every time you feel guilty for saying no, taking time for yourself or making a decision someone else might not like, you have a choice.

You can take that guilt as proof that you’re doing something wrong.

Or you can get curious about why it feels so wrong in the first place.

Maybe you’ve learned that being a good person means being available to everyone.

That disappointing someone makes you selfish.

That your needs can wait.

That keeping everyone happy is your responsibility.

And when those beliefs run deep, even the most reasonable decisions can leave you feeling like you’ve done something wrong.

So you go back on your decision. You say yes when you meant no. You put your own wants aside.

Not because you don’t know what you want.

But because the guilt feels harder to tolerate than the cost of continuing as you are.

Here’s what I want you to understand…

Feeling guilty doesn’t automatically mean you’ve done something wrong.

Sometimes, it’s because you’ve spent so long putting everyone else first that choosing yourself feels wrong.

And until you understand what’s driving that emotional response, you can spend years knowing you need to change while still finding yourself doing the same things.

You don’t need to stop caring about other people.

You need to understand why caring for yourself can feel like you’re letting them down.

And if you’re tired of knowing what needs to change but still finding yourself doing the same things, this is exactly the work I help women with.

Message me to explore what that could look like for you.

I’d send a message and if someone didn’t reply for a while, my brain would get to work.Had I said something wrong?Had I ...
28/09/2026

I’d send a message and if someone didn’t reply for a while, my brain would get to work.

Had I said something wrong?

Had I upset them?

Maybe they didn’t like me anymore.

Maybe I’d really offended them.

I’d go back over what I’d written, picking it apart, looking for the thing I’d got wrong.

And before long, I’d created an entire story about why someone hadn’t replied.

At the time, I thought I was just overthinking. That I needed to stop being so ridiculous and get a grip.

But through my trauma-informed work, I began to understand something different.

My brain wasn’t making up these stories for no reason. It was trying to protect me from the threat of being ignored, left out or abandoned.

If not getting a reply felt threatening, then finding a reason for it, even a painful one, could feel less frightening than sitting with the uncertainty.

The problem was, I was putting myself through all that stress over something I didn’t actually know.

Now, I can send a message and get on with my day.

Someone might take hours to reply. They might not reply until tomorrow. They might not reply at all.

And I don’t automatically assume I’ve done something wrong.

Not because I’ve learnt some clever trick to stop overthinking, but because I’ve worked on the patterns underneath it.

And that’s the difference between trying to manage a reaction and understanding why it’s happening in the first place.

How could I feel so lost when I had everything I’d ever wanted?I remember thinking this.I had the family I’d always want...
24/09/2026

How could I feel so lost when I had everything I’d ever wanted?

I remember thinking this.

I had the family I’d always wanted. A career. A home. All the things I’d grown up believing would make me happy.

And yet, something didn’t feel right.

I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I just knew that the life I’d worked so hard to create didn’t feel the way I thought it would.

I grew up in a generation where girls were told they could have it all.A family. A career. Financial success.

We were encouraged to work hard, aim high and make something of ourselves. But somewhere along the way, many of us also learnt to be the good girl.

The one who didn’t cause trouble.
The one who kept everyone happy.
The one who worked harder, tried harder and made sure she wasn’t letting anyone down.
And for a while, we could manage it.

We became very good at spinning plates.
At achieving. At anticipating what everyone else needed. At pushing through when we were tired and putting our own needs to one side.

Until we couldn’t keep spinning anymore.

And when things started to feel difficult, what did we tell ourselves?

I must be doing something wrong.Why can’t I cope when everyone else seems to manage?

I’m not doing enough. What if I get this wrong?

For me, the real shift came when I began to understand these patterns through a trauma-informed lens.

I started to see that my drive to achieve, my need to keep people happy and my fear of getting things wrong weren’t random flaws in my personality.

They were patterns I’d learnt.

Ways of responding to the world that had made sense at some point in my life, even if they were now leaving me exhausted and disconnected from myself.

My nervous system had learnt certain ways of navigating life. And I couldn’t simply think my way out of them.

And when you begin to understand that, you can stop treating yourself as the problem and start exploring what those patterns have been doing for you, and what it takes for them to change.

My DMs are always open.

My summer didn’t go according to plan…and most of it was out of my control. There was loss, grief, fear and the pressure...
09/09/2026

My summer didn’t go according to plan…and most of it was out of my control.

There was loss, grief, fear and the pressure I put on myself to create family memories and make the most of summer.

It felt uncomfortable, stressful and at times very scary. It felt like a lot.

There were moments when I felt like I couldn’t breathe, like I was going through the motions, and I could feel old habits and behaviours starting to take over my days. Things I genuinely thought I’d left behind.

The pressure to take responsibility for everything, to not let anyone down, the need to have control and for things to be perfect.

I wanted to push through it all so badly.

But as I look back now, I can see that I didn’t.

And as I reflected on this yesterday with my mentor, I recognised how this would not have been possible for me in the past.

I would have pushed harder. I would have tried to do more, ignored what I actually had the capacity for and said yes anyway because that was what I thought I had to do.

Instead, I listened to my body and responded to what I was feeling rather than pushing through it.

I acknowledged the fear and the grief whilst at the same time being able to feel a deep sense of gratitude and appreciation for what I do have.

I took a necessary pause from the things I didn’t have the capacity for. Work, parenting, home life and socialising all looked different for a while, and that’s ok.

I’m learning that my capacity for these things is allowed to fluctuate depending on what life is asking of me. It doesn’t mean I’m failing.

And actually, some of the things we did as a family were the simplest.

We had slow mornings, played board games, went for walks and had early nights. We kept it simple.

Then I asked my son what he thought about the holidays and his response surprised me.

“It’s been great!”

We had done the least we’ve probably ever done, and yet from his perspective, it had been great.

I have never been through what I experienced this summer before, and I hope I don’t have to again any time soon.

But I am deeply grateful for the work I have done that meant I could meet it differently.

Continued in the comments ⬇️

It isn’t my business. Don’t get me wrong, I’m incredibly proud of what I’ve built.But that’s not it.The thing I’m proude...
21/07/2026

It isn’t my business. Don’t get me wrong, I’m incredibly proud of what I’ve built.

But that’s not it.

The thing I’m proudest of is that my son gets a version of me that never existed before.

One who isn’t constantly overwhelmed.

One who doesn’t react to everything.

One who can be present instead of always thinking about the next thing.

My husband no longer has to wonder which version of me he’s coming home to.

Our home feels calm.

Not perfect.

Just… calm.

And honestly, that’s something I never thought I’d be able to say.

I spent years trying to think harder.

Control more.

Plan for every outcome.

I genuinely believed that was what kept everything together.

It didn’t…it was keeping me disconnected from the people I loved most.

If you’d asked me 18 months ago what success looked like, I’d probably have talked about my career.

Now?

It looks like a calm home.

A son who gets a different version of his mum.

A husband who gets a wife who’s present instead of constantly bracing for what’s coming next.

Turns out, that’s what mattered most.

Because I spent years trying to think and control my way to a life that never felt safe enough to live.

Healing isn’t measured by how you cope when life is easy.It’s measured by what happens when life gets hard.This week has...
15/07/2026

Healing isn’t measured by how you cope when life is easy.

It’s measured by what happens when life gets hard.

This week has been personally challenging, and it’s made me realise just how different things are from a year ago.

Not because I don’t feel overwhelmed.

But because my nervous system doesn’t turn against me anymore.

Here are five things I’ve noticed I can do now that I couldn’t have done 12 months ago:

1. I recognised the overwhelm and took things off my list instead of trying to push through.

2. I said how I was feeling and delegated what I didn’t have the capacity for.

3. I rested without feeling guilty.

4. I worked when I had the energy and let the rest wait.

5. I spoke to myself with compassion instead of criticism.

None of that happened by accident.

It happened because I stopped trying to “fix” my thoughts and started doing the deeper work of healing my nervous system.

That’s the difference.

Life is still hard sometimes.

But I don’t make it harder by fighting myself anymore.

This is the work I do every day, both for myself and with the women I support.

And it’s why I’ll never stop believing that healing is about so much more than positive thinking or mindset.

…It’s saying yes to the possibility that life could feel different.Because if you’ve been hurt by people before…If you’v...
09/07/2026

…It’s saying yes to the possibility that life could feel different.

Because if you’ve been hurt by people before…

If you’ve trusted the wrong people…

If you’ve learned that opening up isn’t always safe…

Then of course your nervous system doesn’t leap towards support.

It pauses.

It questions.

It looks for reasons to stay where it’s familiar.

That isn’t weakness.

It’s protection.

The brave part isn’t never feeling afraid.

The brave part is noticing the fear, understanding where it comes from, and choosing not to let it make every decision for you.

Healing doesn’t begin when you’re 100% certain.

It begins when you decide that staying the same has become more painful than taking one small step towards something different.

If you’re standing on the edge of making a change, whatever that looks like for you, know that it’s okay if it feels scary.

Courage isn’t the absence of fear.

Sometimes it’s simply choosing not to let fear have the final say.

My DMs are always open 🤍

📷

Your nervous system doesn’t ask, “What’s possible?” It asks, “What’s familiar?”Have you ever wondered why you keep findi...
06/07/2026

Your nervous system doesn’t ask, “What’s possible?” It asks, “What’s familiar?”

Have you ever wondered why you keep finding yourself in the same patterns...

Even when you know better?

Even when you’ve done the therapy.

Read the books.

Promised yourself, “This time will be different.”

It’s easy to think you’re lacking confidence or motivation.

But often, that’s not what’s happening at all.

Your nervous system is constantly trying to do two things:

Predict.

Protect.

It looks to your past to decide what to expect in your future.

Because what it can predict, it believes it can protect you from.

That’s why familiar often feels safer than healthy.

If you’ve spent years putting everyone else first, choosing yourself can feel uncomfortable.

If you’ve learned to stay quiet to keep the peace, speaking up can feel risky.

If chaos has always been normal, calm can feel strangely unsettling.

That doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.

It means you’re stepping outside of what your nervous system has learned to expect.

Healing isn’t about convincing yourself not to be afraid.

It’s about helping your nervous system discover that unfamiliar doesn’t automatically mean unsafe.

Little by little, your brain gathers new evidence.

Your nervous system updates its predictions.

And what once felt uncomfortable begins to feel natural.

That’s what real change looks like.

Not forcing yourself to become someone else.

Returning to who you were before survival became your normal.

Join me for The Return to You masterclass tomorrow ✨ simply comment or DM the word RETURN

My upcoming masterclass isn’t for everyone. It’s for the woman who’s exhausted from carrying the weight of everyone else...
02/07/2026

My upcoming masterclass isn’t for everyone.

It’s for the woman who’s exhausted from carrying the weight of everyone else.

The woman who looks like she’s coping, but inside she’s constantly questioning herself.

The woman who finds it easier to meet
everyone else’s needs than to recognise her own.

The woman who’s read the books, listened to the podcasts, practised mindfulness, repeated the affirmations... and still finds herself slipping back into the same patterns.

I created The Return to You because I know what it’s like to believe you’re the problem.

To wonder why change never seems to last.

To think that if you could just be more confident, less anxious, more disciplined or better at setting boundaries, everything would finally fall into place.

But what if those patterns aren’t flaws?

What if they’re intelligent survival strategies your nervous system learned a long time ago?

And what if the answer isn’t trying harder...
..it’s helping your nervous system realise it doesn’t have to keep surviving a life that’s already over.

Because here’s what I believe.

You don’t need another mindset hack, morning routine or another list of things to fix about yourself.

You need to understand why your nervous system still believes those old protective patterns are necessary.

Because once your nervous system no longer needs them...

Everything changes.

You stop apologising for existing.

You stop abandoning yourself to keep everyone else comfortable.

You stop looking outside yourself for permission.

You stop believing that your worth depends on what you do for other people.

And for the first time in a long time...

You begin to trust yourself.

This masterclass won’t give you another self-improvement project.

It will challenge the belief that you ever needed fixing in the first place.

If you’re ready to stop managing the symptoms…to stop living from survival...and discover what becomes possible when those old patterns no longer run your life…

Join me live Tuesday 7th at 1pm.
DM for the link or find it in my bio.

Not to become someone new.

But to remember the woman underneath the survival strategies you’v

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Halesowen
Bromsgrove

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