Before That

18/09/2026

October 8th 1pm at Your Voice Inverclyde

🧠💭 Understanding Ourselves and Others

Why can saying no feel so difficult? 🤔

Why can one comment bother us for the rest of the day, or a conversation we have been avoiding slowly turn into resentment? 💬

Why do we sometimes assume the worst before we actually know what is happening?

📅 This October, Before That is starting a new six week group looking at some of the things that come up in our everyday relationships with other people.

We’ll look at boundaries, triggers, resentment, difficult conversations, catastrophising, defensiveness, rejection and why we can sometimes put other people’s approval ahead of what we actually need. 🧠

💬 There’s no pressure to talk about anything personal. You can join in, listen, ask questions or just take something away to think about.

⏰ One hour a week for six weeks, starting in October.

🌱 Not therapy or counselling. Just a chance to understand ourselves and others a little better.

Before That

18/09/2026

Gaslighting is more than disagreement, dishonesty or two people remembering an event differently. The important distinction is the pattern: repeated denial, distortion or reframing that leaves someone increasingly unsure of their own perception.

Individual phrases are not proof on their own. Context, repetition and the wider pattern matter. Trusting your gut can alert you to
inconsistency; discernment helps you test that feeling against evidence, behaviour and what happens over time.

17/09/2026

Self-awareness matters. Understanding where a pattern came from can make it less confusing and give us more choice.

But insight has a limit.

It is possible to become extremely good at explaining your behaviour while continuing to repeat it. Sometimes the analysis itself becomes comfortable: another explanation, another conversation about why the pattern exists.

None of that is useless. But eventually the important question changes.

Not only: “Why do I do this?”

Also: “What will I actually do differently when the familiar moment arrives again?”

Understanding a pattern and interrupting a pattern are related. They are not the same skill.

16/09/2026

Avoidance is not always obvious. It can look like scrolling, staying constantly busy, changing the subject, reaching for something soothing or trying to force a feeling away.

That makes sense because avoidance often works briefly. The discomfort drops, and the brain gets a powerful lesson: escaping the feeling brought relief.

The difficulty is what happens over time. If we repeatedly need to escape a feeling, the feeling itself can start to seem increasingly threatening.

The alternative is not forcing yourself to like distress. It is gradually learning that a difficult feeling can be present without having to decide your next move for you.

15/09/2026

A compliment can be surprisingly difficult to receive.

Sometimes it does not fit comfortably with the way you already see yourself. Sometimes being noticed feels exposing. Sometimes positive attention is simply unfamiliar.

So you minimise it, explain it away, make a joke or immediately return a compliment.

You do not need to force yourself to believe every positive thing someone says. But you can practise allowing kind information to exist without immediately disproving it.

A simple “thank you” leaves room for the compliment without asking you to become a different person on the spot.

14/09/2026

Sometimes the hardest part of changing direction is accepting what has already been invested.

Psychologists call this the sunk cost effect: previous time, money or effort can influence what we choose next, even when that previous investment cannot be recovered.

That does not mean every difficult situation should be abandoned. It means the past is not automatically a good reason to keep paying a future cost.

A useful test is to imagine the history removed. Knowing what you know now, would you choose the same thing again?

13/09/2026

Motivation is useful, but it is unreliable.

On days when energy is low, the usual version of a task can feel much further away. Shrinking the starting point gives you a way in without pretending you suddenly feel ready.

One email, five minutes, one plate, a short walk, opening the document - small actions are not a failure to do the "proper" version. They can be the bridge back into movement.

12/09/2026

When you are tired, even a small decision can turn into a long debate.

That does not always mean the choice is especially difficult. Low energy can make it harder to keep several options in mind and adjust when new information appears.

Try reducing the choice to two realistic options. If the decision is not urgent, it may also be worth leaving it until you have rested.

09/09/2026

Understanding Ourselves and Others

Why can saying no feel so difficult?

Why can one comment bother us for the rest of the day, or a conversation we have been avoiding slowly turn into resentment?

Why do we sometimes assume the worst before we actually know what is happening?

This October, Before That That is starting a new six week group looking at some of the things that come up in our everyday relationships with other people.

We’ll look at boundaries, triggers, resentment, difficult conversations, catastrophising, defensiveness, rejection and why we can sometimes put other people’s approval ahead of what we actually need.

There’s no pressure to talk about anything personal. You can join in, listen, ask questions or just take something away to think about.

One hour a week for six weeks, starting in October.

Not therapy or counselling. Just a chance to understand ourselves and others a little better.

10/06/2026

We've been discussing at group attachment styles and some people have been asking a good way to test their attachment style, if you head over to https://quiz.attachmentproject.com/ you can begin the quiz immediately, whilst not an exact science it gives you a rough idea of your attachment style based on your relationship with your parents and your last long term relationship, looking forward to hearing everyone's results on Thursday.