19/09/2026
Hey beauties 😘
You see those “How to Spot a Narcissist” posts all the time, right? Well, full disclosure: as a psychotherapist who has recently dealt with two of them back-to-back (one male, one female) neither romantic, you’d think I’d have a built-in radar.
Nope. Completely bypassed! 😅
The problem is that in the beginning, they aren’t wearing a sign that says "Run." They are Oscar-worthy actors in their own personal feature film. Total chameleons.
They say everything you want to hear, mirror your personality, compliment your hair/bag/outfit, and shower you with shiny gifts and attention. They look just like your average, lovely person—meanwhile, their secret agenda is running silently in the background while you're completely in the dark.
By the time you realise what’s happening, you’re usually already running through the 4 Ds:
* DAZZLE: They sweep you off your feet with shiny words, dinners, even trips away.
And more grand gestures to DRAW you in. It feels amazing.
* DEVALUE: Once you’re hooked, the shift happens. The sweet words turn sour—you're suddenly "too much," "weird," “too thick, ugly, fat, thin” or "annoying." It only takes about three weeks of this drip-feed criticism for our brains to start believing it, stripping away your confidence until you're second-guessing your own reality.
* DISCARD: Once they’ve extracted whatever their agenda needed, out comes a manufactured argument out of nowhere, and boom—you’re dropped, and they’re off to the next victim.
The 4 Ds are spot-on, but here’s my issue: by the time you hit "Devalue", the damage is done. You’re already in the thick of it!
I am officially done with them, but I really want to help others spot the red flags much earlier. So, I’m passing the mic to you lot and made this infographic.
Does anyone have a "ninja top tip" for spotting them before the Dazzle wears off, because I’m an easy target it seems, empathic, want to help everyone, etc etc
What’s the subtle clue you wish you’d noticed sooner?
Drop your best wisdom in the comments below! 👇🙄