25/10/2026
How are we all doing in this never ending retrograde season? 😂🤦🏼♀️ Even my brand new pen ran out on the first draft of this post lol. You actually couldn’t make it up.
Yea, retrogrades have a set period but we also have the shadow periods either side. Just as a full moon can affect us the day before and the day after.
I wanted to bring a little story time your way because sometimes it’s not necessarily a person returning. Sometimes it’s the gift of the Ghost of Christmas Past… ie a memory. A memory that returns so a lesson can be learned, so that you don’t repeat the cycle.
Now, embarrassed enough to admit it but woman enough to say it! Let the story time begin. 😂
Almost a month or so after I separated from what I’ll call my nail in the coffin (we’re going back a few years here), I did what I always did. Suppressed everything and kept moving forward. I’m fine, it’s fine. 🤨😂🤦🏼♀️
I’d been invited to a wedding evening do. Well sorry, WE had been invited. His name was on the invite etc. I asked him if he was still coming and his reply pretty much amounted to how ridiculous a suggestion that was.
Ok, well I was mildly toxic at this point but mostly aiming for the whole “I don’t care, whatever” attitude. So I said I’d take someone else. It’s fine. And that’s exactly what I did. I took my friend, who kindly agreed to come with me.
Now let me give you the short version. I was overflowing with absolute happiness for the beautiful bride and her groom whilst simultaneously spiralling internally over my breakup. My devastation wasn’t going to stay suppressed and this non drinker… had a drink. 🥴
We’d been at the wedding about an hour or so when I had to leave. I felt like an absolute mess and honestly, I didn’t want to make a fool of myself. Even though I very much felt like I already was. (I’d literally spoken to almost nobody there 🤷🏼♀️)
So I did what probably 75-90% of you reading this have done at some point. When I got home, I called him.
By the time I’d got into my PJs, he was standing in my kitchen. Less than 10 minutes.
The truth was, since our breakup I hadn’t slept for more than 2-3 hours a night. Sleep was what I desperately needed. So he obliged to hold me until I fell asleep.
Arms wrapped tightly around me and then his phone went off…
“Where are you?”
“Nowhere.”
“Are you actually joking right now?”
“I’m about.”
“OMG you’re with her?!”
Silence.
“I need to speak to you right now.”
“Ok tomorrow.”
“Just sneak out like you normally would.”
“I’ll speak later.”
“Well don’t do anything stupid there.”
“Don’t worry I won’t.”
I remained silent until the call was over.
Then I asked, “Why would I be something stupid? Why would being near me be a bad idea?”
His reply? “Ugh it’s not about you, why are you making it about you?”
Before I fell into a drunken sleep I remember thinking, why does she think I’m a bad idea?
Now for context, the call was from the very person I’d been told I was being crazy about. Except I wasn’t being crazy. I’d clearly stated months previously that if there was something between them, then go. Just leave me out of it.
A month later I went on holiday, still desperately trying to be fine. It was a disaster from start to finish. (Go read Missing Child, Always Present, available now on Amazon for the full details.)
By the time I got home I was met with a statement about how I’d treated this woman, delivered via her husband. I asked for clarification but he said nothing.
What could possibly have been said to make him think I was the as***le? Although looking back now, I do sometimes wonder whether we were on two completely different holidays. 🤷🏼♀️
And after all of this… that’s when the full breakdown happened. Psychologically, physically, emotionally. I broke.
And it took nearly two years, a house move, walking away from a career and a whole load of “friends and family” along the way. A lot of you already know that part of the story.
Which brings me to today… almost four years on.
Well actually, something came up around 5-6 weeks ago. Someone came at me with their point of view of me. My red flags, their interpretation of my words etc.
I read it. Reread it. Then read it again.
I paused.
And then I replied.
“If and when you feel called to, reread what I’ve said. I never accused nor did I attack. That’s not who I am as a person. And on that note, right now I choose to do what’s best for me.”
And that was that.
Because I know what I said.
Because I know what I see.
Because I know who I am.
Nor will I convince anyone of anything.
And maybe that’s the whole point of this particular visit from the Ghost of Christmas Past. Not to relive it, not to reopen it, but to recognise just how differently I respond now.
If the nail in my coffin wasn’t trying to paint me as the bad guy… cool. 😎
If the one I was told not to be concerned about thinks I’m “something stupid”… more power to them. Let them.
If the holiday friend wants to change the story… ain’t nothing I can do about that. Why bother?
And if the random texter wants to twist my words to fit their own narrative and defence? Ok, have fun with that. But you have the receipts, so do I. And I said what I said.
I know a lot of people struggle with being the villain in somebody else’s story. But truth is, even a saint has been an as***le to someone.
And Libras, Libra risings and even the first born children of a certain generation… I think you’ll understand this one particularly well. 😂
We double down, accommodate, balance things out, comfort everyone else and carry all of their BS. Rarely stopping to consider… wait a minute. They’re OUR scales, why are we holding the weight of the world instead of ourselves?!
Ohhhh… because the moment we choose ourselves or even attempt to balance those scales in our own favour, we’re suddenly the as***les. 😂🤷🏼♀️
So let it be said, Libra risings and first borns, girls mostly but not exclusively, consider this a little public service announcement to everyone else.
We’re not cold when we walk away, burn the bridge or cut the cord. There will always be love. ALWAYS. But access? Sorry, no.
That’s how we remain aligned and peaceful.
And I think that’s the lesson here. Four years ago I was questioning myself because of what other people were saying, thinking or implying about me. Trying to understand, trying to make sense of things, trying to work out what I’d done to deserve being seen that way.
This time? I read it, considered it and chose not to carry it.
Because sometimes the lesson isn’t about learning to forgive someone else. Sometimes it’s about realising you no longer need to defend yourself against a version of you that only exists in somebody else’s story.
And if you wish to paint me as the villain, please allow me to hand you the brush and offer you my best side for the portrait. 😂😉
Thank you Venus retrograde… also you’re back in Libra as of TODAY, so stay tuned for more lessons and epiphanies. 😬🤞🏻
Apparently we’re not quite done yet. 😂❤️
