25/09/2026
Let’s talk about resilience!
We often hear that children, particularly those with disabilities or additional needs, ‘need to learn to be more resilient’.
But resilience isn't simply about tolerating more distress. It is about being able to adapt, cope and recover from a stressor , and to do that, a child needs the right skills, environment and support.
We shouldn't automatically assume there is a lack of resilience. We need to ask why they are struggling.
Long-term stress, without the opportunity to feel safe, recover and return to a sense of ease, can have a significant impact on a person's wellbeing, sense of self and ability to learn.
It can increase masking, and reduce self worth, confidence, trust and feelings of safety.
If you are told ‘they just need to be more resilient’, you could respond with something along the lines of:
‘I feel my child already shows a great deal of resilience. They manage excessive levels of sensory and emotional overwhelm every day while still being expected to meet demands that may be much harder for them because of the challenges they experience. Despite trying, my child is clearly struggling, and I fear they will reach burnout trying to continually ‘push through’.
So, it is important that we look at what is making it difficult for them to manage and recover. How has it been determined that they have the skills, emotional maturity, reasonable adjustments and support they need to do this, and is too much being expected of them?
It could be very detrimental to automatically interpret their distress simply as a lack of resilience.’
Resilience shouldn't mean expecting a child to tolerate more or to not have boundaries, especially repeatedly!
