21/10/2026
When we see people attack empathy or say things like, “The fundamental weakness of Western civilization is empathy” (Elon Musk, 2025), we should ask ourselves, “What harm, pain, or hurt do they not want us to see or feel? Who do they want to hurt, humiliate, or dehumanize without accountability?”
Based on our research over the past 25 years, creating meaningful connections and human-centered systems requires a combination of compassion and cognitive empathy. I think of compassion as the daily practice and cognitive empathy as one its most powerful tools.
We define compassion as the daily practice of recognizing and accepting our shared humanity so that we treat ourselves and others with loving-kindness, and we take action in the face of suffering.
Most definitions of compassion share a commitment to action. It’s not just feeling, it’s doing. Compassion is fueled by accepting that we’re all made of strength and struggle—no one is immune to pain or suffering. Compassion is not a practice of “better than” or “I can fix you”—it’s a practice based in the beauty and pain of shared humanity.
Most researchers agree there are at least two elements to empathy: cognitive empathy and affective empathy. Cognitive empathy, sometimes called perspective taking, is the ability to recognize and understand another person’s emotions. Affective empathy, often called experience sharing, is one’s own emotional attunement with another person’s experience.
The empathy we desperately need is understanding what someone is feeling, not feeling it for them. If someone feels lonely, empathy doesn’t require us to feel lonely too, only to reach back into our own experience with loneliness so we can understand and connect. Affective empathy, feeling something along with the person who is struggling, is a slippery slope toward becoming too overwhelmed to offer meaningful support.
Again, empathy is a tool of compassion. We can respond empathically only if we are willing to be present to someone’s pain. If we’re not willing to do that, it’s not real empathy. And the lack of real empathy is 100% a major threat to civilizations.
Thank you to Toni Nova for this powerful reminder.
