09/10/2025
Silencing Desire: Sexual Expression and Relational Wellbeing in Later Life
As people age, intimacy and sexuality often change in form, but they remain important to emotional connection and overall wellbeing. Sexual expression can still be a meaningful part of identity and partnership, yet many older adults hold back from expressing their desires or needs.
A 2023 study by Træen, Hansen, and Štulhofer examined this through the idea of sexual self-silencing—withholding one’s sexual thoughts or feelings within a relationship. The researchers compared older adults in Norway and Croatia and found that this tendency was common across both settings. Regardless of culture or gender, self-silencing was linked to lower sexual satisfaction, poorer relationship quality, and reduced life satisfaction.
Interestingly, men reported higher levels of self-silencing than women. This finding challenges the assumption that men are always more expressive about sexuality. It suggests that aging men may also feel constrained by ideas about masculinity, emotional restraint, or physical change. For women, silence often reflected cultural messages about modesty or the expectation that sexuality fades with age.
These patterns highlight the value of communication in later-life relationships. When partners can speak openly about desire, comfort, and change, they tend to maintain stronger emotional closeness and better wellbeing. Silence, on the other hand, can create misunderstanding and distance.
For practitioners working with older adults—therapists, doctors, educators—the study reinforces the need to include sexuality in conversations about health and aging. Many older people appreciate the chance to discuss intimacy when it is approached with respect and normalisation rather than embarrassment.
Recognising sexual expression as part of wellbeing helps challenge the idea that intimacy belongs only to youth. Desire and connection evolve, but they do not disappear. Encouraging openness about sexual needs can strengthen relationships and support a sense of vitality at every age.
References
Træen, B., Hansen, T., & Štulhofer, A. (2023). Silencing the sexual self and relational and individual well-being in later life: A gendered analysis of North versus South of Europe. Sexual & Relationship Therapy, 38(4), 622–637. https://doi.org/10.1080/14681994.2021.1883579
