09/14/2026
The mortality rate of a Glasgow Coma Scale 7 with immediate intubation in my condition is about 89%. Of the remaining percent who do survive, only very few recover to a decent outcome. Basilar skull fracture only occurs in 4% of severe TBIs. This is the most serious type of skull fracture, and involves a break in the bone at the base of the skull. Cerebrospinal fluid leaks happen in about 20% of those cases, the leaking lasted till after I went home even. A second assault to an already injured brain is catastrophic and my recovery never was back to baseline. An intracerebral hemorrhage is so serious that about half of people who have it die in the first few days. Most survivors have long-lasting brain damage. Head trauma can result in multiple severe intracerebral hematomas and oh how many bleeds I had.
I’m a statistic person for the fact that I like to see things out loud.
Those are my numbers and there’s so many more than just those.
“It doesn’t define you.”
Except it does.
It’s every part of me and who I am today.
It controls all of it and dictates my every move and decision. It’s all of my past, present and future.
I’ve refused to accept my new normal and I credit that to how far I’ve come but I exhaust myself searching for relief every night. I’m 14 years into the nightmare and while I’m endlessly grateful for so much and so many of you, I hate this day with everything in me.
Chronic infections, so many medications. Botox, rehab, appointments. The pain. I’ve tried to explain it as a live wire. It feels like I’m holding onto a live wire. Or my nerves. They’re the live wire. I sleep with heat packs every night because the spasticity. It hurts. I can’t relax. It’s like a constant bad leg cramp all over my body. I hate Botox days but it helps so much. I eat right, exercise, research, so much research and trials only to end up the same every night. Trying to make to the next day. The seizures. The blind spot and double vision. The loss of independence.
It could be worse. It HAS been worse.
Don’t be mistaken though, I give everything I’ve got every single day. I figured if I’m I’ve got to stay here I might as well leave my mark like a toddler with a permanent marker on white walls. I’m gonna change the world while I’m here. I promise. Thank you all for being in my story that we’ve flipped the script on.
Happy 14 years to everything I miss so much.
A moment in time, 14 years ago.
ED Provider Notes 9/14/2012: This is an otherwise healthy 20-year-old female who presents by help flight helicopter from scene where she was riding a horse without a helmet, fell and had a significant traumatic brain injury with skull fractures, intraparenchymal contusions, subarachnoid bleeding and significant swelling of the right ventricle. She was comatose on arrival with severe concussive seizures. Her grandfather and boyfriend did several rounds of CPR with chest compressions. She began breathing spontaneously with moving arms and legs but certainly not purposefully. Patient is currently unresponsive. The eyes have a significant 7mm dilation of the pupils with a tendency of a right upward gaze deviation. No focusing. GCS is 7 and she was intubated for airway protection. She was met by full trauma team present for trauma surgery. The patients father was present and indicated agreement and consent. She will be sent to intensive care unit for ongoing monitoring. I spoke with Dr. Teff from Neurosurgery, who placed the intracranial pressure monitor. Family questions were answered and they were assisted by a member of the pastoral care staff to the intensive care unit.
