09/11/2026
Every year on September 11, I feel it.
Living 20 minutes from the Pentagon, I can remember almost hour by hour where I was sitting that morning. What I was watching. What I was feeling.
At the time, I was working in the office of a private girls' boarding school.
As everything unfolded, we were given an important responsibility - “keep our emotions in check.”
We had young women around us who were scared and confused. We couldn't add to the chaos. We needed to be calm. Steady. Reassuring.
Meanwhile, my dad was on a plane that morning flying from Boston to Washington, D.C.
And for a period of time, we didn't know where he was.
I was scared. I was heartbroken. I was uncertain.
But I also felt like I couldn't fully express any of it.
And I remember how quickly the emotion underneath began to change.
Fear became anger.
Anger about what was happening.
Anger about the uncertainty.
Anger that I couldn't express what I was actually feeling in the environment I was in.
25 years later, I understand something about that morning that I couldn't have articulated then:
Emotions don't simply disappear because we ask them to. They often find another way to show up.
And that matters far beyond that day.
It matters in our marriages.
In our friendships.
In our families.
And especially in how we lead.
Fear can show up as control.
Hurt can show up as withdrawal.
Stress can show up as impatience.
Insecurity can show up as defensiveness.
And sometimes anger isn't anger at all.
It's the emotion we can see sitting on top of something much deeper.
This is why self-awareness is one of the most important responsibilities we have as leaders.
There are absolutely moments when leadership requires us to regulate our emotions. September 11, 2001 was one of those moments for me.
But regulating emotion isn't the same as ignoring it.
Mature leadership means being able to ask:
What am I really feeling underneath this? And how is it influencing the way I'm showing up with the people around me?
Today, I am reminded that we never fully know what another person is carrying underneath what we can see.
Maybe that's reason enough to listen a little longer, judge a little less quickly, and give each other a little more grace.
Remembering the lives lost, the families forever changed, the unity and the extraordinary courage and humanity we witnessed that day.
We will never forget. 🇺🇸
Every year on September 11, I feel it. Living 20 minutes from the Pentagon, I can remember almost hour by hour where I was sitting that morning. What I was watching. What I was feeling. At the time, I was working in the office of a private girls' boarding school. As everything unfolded, we were give...
