11/03/2026
"The worst atrocities are committed by those who have absolutely no doubt that they are on the right side." — Sofo Archon
For a long time, I thought I was on the right side of every equation in my marriage because my intentions were pure. I’m the kind of person who always believes anything is possible, who sees the good in everyone, and who wanted nothing more than to lift up my partner. I thought being his loudest cheering squad, wanting him to have the perfect job and feel good about himself, was the definition of being a good wife.
What I didn’t realize then is that playing the cheerleader for someone who doesn’t believe in themselves can actually do the opposite of help. It can suffocate them.
When you put expectations on people they can't uphold because they don't yet possess that inner belief, your enthusiasm doesn't elevate them—it overwhelms them. The harder I cheered, the heavier the weight became, and the lower they felt, because you have to believe you can do it first. You have to believe it’s right for you.
It takes two to tango, and hindsight is a clarity like no other. I know what I’m guilty of: loving someone for who they could be instead of meeting them where they were, and letting my absolute certainty of "trying to help" cross the line into pressure.
To anyone else who has ever carried the crushing weight of trying to love someone into believing in themselves: you aren't alone, and your heart was always in the right place. But true growth starts from the inside out, and no amount of external cheering can replace an inner spark that isn't lit yet.
