09/23/2026
Yesterday they planted Todd’s maple. Today I drove out to sit with it and talk to him.
The mountains behind it were turning red. As I pulled in, the sky went dark and it started to rain. I hugged that tree in the rain, sang to it, let my tears fall on the trunk. Sometimes you just need something to hold onto.
Today is the fall equinox — one month and one day since Todd passed. Dark sky, rain... and then a few songs later as I held the tree, the clouds parted, the sky turned blue and the sun shone.
Equal night and equal day. A precipice. A turning point where we shift from more light to more darkness and turn inward. A time to turn into the soft.
I asked myself what I want to harvest and what I want to let go of.
I want to harvest your love and support. I accept it — your thoughts, prayers, texts, showing up at my door, meals, cards, care packages, donations, all of it. I feel it. Thank you.
I don’t know if I’m ready to let go of anything yet. But I know I have to focus on the things I can control and being present. I turn inward, get still, spend time in nature, and move. To accept both the light and the dark. To accept this present moment — the only one I have any control over.
For now I just want to hug the tree and hug my son and hug all of you.
Bodhi needed a home day yesterday — this has been so hard on him — so we snuggled, hiked Ferguson with Jenna and built little rock cairns by the stream, cleaned drawers, cleaned the car, and went to his parent-teacher conferences. His teachers are so loving and supportive. He went to school today no problem.
I also got to my F45 class and handled a lot of things at home. Todd’s cremation will happen Thursday in Santiago, Chile. It took a while to get to this point. We’ll have a little ceremony over video. Our dear friend Pachi and her mom will be there in Chile to hold space with love.
There’s a lot to do and so much help holding me up. Thank you.
If you ask if you can help, don’t be surprised if I give you a task. Or save you for a future one I haven’t thought of yet. Haha. Lots of love friends. Todd Passey
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