10/18/2026
These two mares are pair-bonded. This is Leda, on the left, and Summer on the right. The reason that horses are so good for humans, is that they are capable of deep and long lasting relationships.
If left alone, without human interference, they will stay together their entire lives. Wild horses have been studied, and the results were clear, generations of mares would stay together, grandmothers, aunts, mothers, daughters...for decades. They would move back and forth between stallions, but stay together as a band.
Skydog Sanctuary has demonstrated through their efforts to reunite mustang herds, that they not only remember one another, but grieve when they are separated. Some stallions simply die of loneliness, if separated from their lead mare.
Why is this important? Because if we are trustworthy and provide our horses with respect and the care they need as domesticated animals, then we can be their pair-bonded partner. This does not mean they won't choose a horse as well, as my two mares have demonstrated, but that they will take care of us, remember us, grieve for us and seek out our company.
When humans decide horses no longer have value, or are no longer meeting the humans needs, many will thoughtlessly separate pair bonded horses/mules/donkeys, sending them to new homes through sale or auction. These animals are quite sensitive to these changes and can develop behavioral patterns such as "buddy sour" and become "marish". And sadly, these horses are then moved around even more.
What would happen if we humans, supposedly of higher emotional intelligence than horses, took some time to allow these new additions to the herd, the opportunity to learn safety in our care? To provide a consistent routine, spend time with them out in the pasture, watch their movements with the new herd, and actually invest in them on the ground, without putting a bunch of pressure on them under saddle immediately? We might be surprised at the "new" horse we purchased, no longer exhibiting spooky behavior, buddy sour, or marish behavior. The behaviors are often a result of grief, confusion and no time to reset their nervous system to calm and safety.
I don't believe it is soft for a human to actually be intelligent about the animals that we have in our care. Dignity and respect, an allowing for separation and grief, can and will create for you a better partnership with your horse. It does take effort and time, but it is worth it.
Honor these animals and their depth of relationship. They will run faster for you, take care of you on the trails, jump higher, and meet you at the gate without treats if you simply notice and invest in a relationship with them.