10/19/2026
You keep calling it “keeping the peace.”
But you are anxious in your own home.
You check their mood before you speak. You rehearse simple conversations in your head. You stop wearing certain things, seeing certain people, or saying what you really think because you already know what it may cost you later.
Slowly, you start questioning your memory, your decisions, and whether you are the problem.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and this belongs in our mental-health conversation.
Domestic violence is not always physical. It can look like threats, humiliation, pressuring or forcing s*x, controlling the money, monitoring your phone, tracking your location, cutting you off from people, or making you afraid to say no.
Not every disagreement is abuse.
Abuse often involves a pattern of power, control, and fear. But one act of physical or s*xual violence, strangulation, or a serious threat should never be dismissed because it happened once.
Living with fear and control can affect how you think, sleep, concentrate, and make decisions.
That does not mean you are weak.
It means you have been spending your mental and emotional energy trying to stay safe.
If this is you, hear me clearly:
You are not foolish for loving someone.
You are not responsible for another person’s choice to abuse or control you.
You do not have to prove how bad it is before asking for help.
You do not have to decide your whole future today.
One safe next step still counts....
From a phone or device, you can contact an advocate and say:
“I am not ready to make a decision. I need help understanding my options and staying safe.”
If this made you think of someone you love, do not lead with, “Why don’t you just leave?”
Try:
“I believe you.”
“Do you feel safe today?”
“How can I help without making decisions for you?”
They may already live with someone who controls their choices. Your support should not feel like more control.
In Onondaga County: Vera House 24-Hour Support Line, 315-468-3260
Nationwide: 800-799-SAFE (7233), text START to 88788
Immediate danger: Call 911.
You have had enough people telling you what to do.
The next safe step should be yours, with support that listens instead of taking over.