The Gift of Recovery for Me

11/02/2026

When I think everyone else needs to change, that usually means I do.

Needing Some Recovery

Why do you notice the little piece of dust in your friend's eye, but you don't notice the big piece of wood in your own eye? Matthew 7:3 ICB

This past weekend there was a big Halloween event at City Hall. There were people outside doing trunk-or-treat, tables and booths set up inside, and families everywhere. While I was there, a little girl pulled the fire alarm while her mother stood there watching her. The mother actually laughed like she was proud of what her daughter had done. I remember thinking to myself, "That woman needs some recovery." A little later, I noticed another woman with two young children. She was all decked out in a Halloween costume, but her kids were wearing regular street clothes. Again, I thought, "She needs some recovery." I see people doing things all the time that make absolutely no sense to me. They are seemingly oblivious to the consequences of their actions or how their behavior affects other people. And I find myself thinking, "They really need some recovery."

Then it hit me. Maybe I'm the one who needs some recovery. Here I was, walking around a Halloween event, evaluating other people's behavior and deciding who needed help. I was even having full-on conversations with them in my head, giving unsolicited advice they hadn't asked for and couldn't even hear. I've learned in recovery that when I start doing this, it's a pretty good sign that I need to get my focus back where it belongs. On me. I’ve learned that I need to keep my nose on my own face. I may have an opinion, but that doesn't mean it's right. And I definitely don’t need to share it. I don't know their stories, and if I'm not invited, it's really none of my business. It’s no longer my job to fix everyone. I have my own problems to work on. That is quite enough for me.

I know I need some recovery. So, what do I do? I do a spot-check inventory. I ask myself, "Why is this bothering me? What's my part, and how can I change it?" I, on purpose, make myself think of something good and positive. I make a gratitude list in my head right there on the spot. I pray and ask God for His help. The first thing on my gratitude list is that I now have these practices. I caught myself mid-thought. I didn't say anything stupid I would regret. I don't owe any amends. Those are big wins for me. And that's the gift of recovery for me.

Reflection: Am I spending more time noticing what other people need to change than examining what God wants to change in me?

10/30/2026

God doesn't have to change our past to bring healing to our hearts.

The Dad I Never Knew

He heals the wounds of every shattered heart. Psalm 147:3 TPT

When I was 25 years old, my biological father passed away. I was living in California at the time, and he lived in Ohio. I took a week off work and flew out there to settle his affairs. My parents had divorced before I was two, and I never really had a close relationship with my dad. Growing up, I wanted to write letters to him, but my mother told me that my dad couldn’t read or write. Because of that, I never wrote him letters. What would be the point of writing to someone who couldn’t read them? He came to visit us every year, staying at my grandmother’s house for a few weeks over the summer. Me and my siblings would take turns spending time there with him. But that was the extent of our relationship.

While I was going through his house after his death, I discovered something that changed the way I saw him. I found letters he had received and written. He had books around his house that obviously had been read. My dad could read and write. What I was told about him all those years wasn’t true. I also found his Bible. You could tell he read it regularly. Looking through some of his writings and letters, I learned that he had given his life to Christ. That profoundly affected me. I was sad because I felt like I was robbed of the chance to know him this way. I also felt guilty, because I could have called or tried harder to connect with him. But I didn’t, because like most twenty-somethings, I was focused only on myself. I had given my life to the Lord when I was 15 years old. Here was something we had in common, something meaningful that we could have talked about. We could have shared our faith, talked about God, and perhaps developed a really close relationship. Instead, I was finding out about it after he was gone.

For a long time, I was angry at my mom for lying to me about him. I felt cheated out of knowing my father. When I got into recovery and started working through the Steps, this painful situation came up very early on. I resented her for what she did. I couldn’t change what she told me. I couldn’t undo the past or get back all those years I had lost. What I could do was change how I responded to those feelings. I didn’t want to feel pain, anger, and resentment anymore. As I prayed and asked God to help me work through the Steps with my sponsor, these feelings began melting away. Forgiveness crept in and filled the void. As I continued, peace and love soon followed.
Sometimes I still get sad when I think about it. But then I get cheered up when I consider that I will see him again on the other side and we will have much to catch up on then. That brings me great comfort. Working my recovery has allowed me to look for and embrace the good while letting go of the pain, resentment, and guilt of the past. And that’s the gift of recovery for me.

Reminder: God doesn't have to change our past to bring healing to our hearts.

10/28/2026

Recovery isn't just about going to meetings and working the Steps. It's about letting God change me and how I live.

A Spiritual Awakening – Evidence of Change

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Step Twelve

Lately I've been thinking about the spiritual purpose of recovery. Recovery is a spiritual program. The goal isn't simply to work the Steps, attend meetings, or become knowledgeable about the program. The goal is to experience a spiritual awakening and develop a closer relationship with God. Step Twelve says that, having had a spiritual awakening, I'm to carry this message to others and practice these principles in all my affairs. Not just in recovery meetings. Not just with people who understand the program, but in all my affairs. That means outside of the rooms of recovery.

That includes my family and coworkers, and the people I encounter every day. It's relatively easy to talk about acceptance, forgiveness, humility, and surrender in a room full of people who are trying to practice those same principles. But how do I respond when someone is rude to me? When I don't get my way? When things don’t go according to my plans? How will I know that I have had a spiritual awakening? My thinking and my behaviors will change.

I remember one of the first people who caught my attention when I came into recovery. His name was Andy T. He had many years of sobriety, and I heard him share at a beginners meeting. What struck me wasn't how much he knew about recovery. It was his relationship with God. He talked to God, and God talked to him. He sought God's direction in everyday situations. He had something I wanted. It wasn't religion. It was a real relationship with God. I began to understand that God wasn't just someone I turned to when I couldn't handle things anymore. He was someone I could develop a relationship with, someone who could guide me and change me. And that's what recovery has helped me do. I couldn't change myself. If I could have, I would have. But I couldn't. I needed God's help, and I still do. My part is to be willing. Surrender to Him. Then take the actions the program teaches me. God's part is to change me from the inside out.

How do I know He's changing me? Because I don't respond the way I used to. I don't have to manipulate people, control situations, demand my way, or react emotionally to everything that happens. I can accept things I cannot change, make amends when I'm wrong, and choose to do the next right thing. I'm not perfect, and I haven't arrived. I still need to surrender every day. But I have experienced real change. And with that change has come something I spent much of my life looking for: peace and serenity. The goal of my recovery isn't simply to become better at working a program. It's to improve my relationship with God, allowing Him to continually change me into the person He wants me to be, so that I can carry this message to others. And that is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer: God, help me to continue to surrender my thinking and my actions to You, even when it’s not easy. Give me Your strength to do the next right thing. Help me to carry this message to others. Amen

10/27/2026

Pain Is a Motivator

The kind of sorrow God wants makes people change their hearts and lives…
2 Corinthians 7:10 NCV

I entered the rooms of recovery when the pain of remaining the same finally became greater than my fear of change. Some people call this hitting bottom. That was certainly true for me. For years, I lived with emotional pain, hurt, fear, and frustration. Hitting bottom motivated me to seek recovery, but hitting bottom didn’t automatically change me. I desperately wanted things to change. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. But just because I was hurting didn’t mean I was changing. I recognized that something was wrong, acknowledged how miserable I was, yet still continued doing the very things that kept me miserable. I know because I did it for decades.

There's a familiar illustration about four frogs sitting on a log. One of the frogs decides to jump off. How many frogs are left on the log? Four. That's right, four. The frog only decided to jump. He didn't actually do it. I can relate to that frog. I knew I needed to change, and many times I decided to change. But deciding to do something and actually doing it are not the same thing. It’s like making a New Year’s resolution. You think about it and make a decision, but then comes the hard part. Doing it.

When I first started attending meetings, I listened to people share and learned about the Twelve Steps. But that wasn't enough. Sitting in a meeting didn't automatically change my thinking or my behaviors. I realized I wasn’t going to get this by osmosis. I had to actually work the Steps, in order, with a sponsor. I began journaling, writing inventories, and confronting things about myself that I had avoided for years. Every dirty, bloody, ugly thing. There were tears, pain, and anguish. Believe me, if I could have found serenity without going through all that, I would have. But I couldn't. I had to do the work.

Today, I understand that pain can motivate me to seek help, but it cannot do the work for me. I can want a better life, pray for things to change, and recognize everything that's wrong, but at some point, I have to put action behind my willingness. That's what working the Steps taught me. God could change the things I couldn't change on my own, but I had to become willing to surrender and follow His direction. And I'm still doing that today. I'm not where I want to be, but I'm a whole lot further down the road than where I started. The pain got me in the door, but working the program is what changed me.

Prayer: God, thank You for using the pain of my past to bring me to a place where I was willing to seek help. Give me the willingness and courage to take action and do my part. Help me to trust You with the results. Amen.

10/26/2026

Just because I can only see two options doesn't mean those are the only choices I have.

What Are Your Options? – More Than Yes or No

The spiritually hungry are always ready to learn more, for their hearts are eager to discover new truths. Proverbs 18:15 TPT

My sponsor used to ask me this a lot, especially in the early days of my recovery. I would call him whenever I was spinning, uncertain, frustrated, or feeling out of my control. He would listen to me and then ask me a question. “What are your options?” I would tell him I could do this or that. One extreme or the other. He would then ask me, “Do you have any other options?” Honestly, that would annoy me. I would think, “I just told you. I could do this or that. Weren’t you listening?” I really didn't know what he meant. I had black-and-white thinking. Also called all-or-nothing thinking. He was trying to help me to be open-minded and consider that there are other possibilities. I didn’t get it at first.

He was patient with me and kept pressing me. He would ask, “Could you do this? Could you do this other thing?” He would suggest things I never even thought about. Almost every time, there were options that I hadn't considered. What my sponsor helped me see was that I usually had many more options than I originally thought. Everything wasn't just yes or no, all or nothing. There were often other possibilities somewhere in the gray area, between the two extremes. I never liked the gray area. It was always confusing to me. But that's exactly what my sponsor was teaching me. There are almost always more than just two options. And if there were other options, then that meant I had choices.

I remember a situation at work when I was told to do something I didn't want to do. It went against my personal beliefs and values. I didn't know what to do. I needed my job and didn't want to get reprimanded or fired. I thought I either had to go and participate in this event or get in trouble. I could not see anything else. I was stressed out. When I talked to my sponsor, he kept asking me, “What else could you do?” When I got off the phone with him, I had a few different options to try. The one I chose was to speak with my boss and tell them how I felt. I was excused just like that. No questions asked. Wow. I never even thought about talking to my boss. It seems obvious now, but back then I didn't share my vulnerable feelings with anyone. Especially people at work.

Today, when I face a situation and don't know what to do, I ask myself that same question. What are my options? I've learned that just because I can only see two choices doesn't mean there aren't more. I have to slow down, pray, and think things through. I start to consider new and other possibilities I might have missed. I ask God for wisdom and direction. I don’t have to stay stuck believing there are only two choices, the right one and the wrong one. Many times the option I choose is one I would never have even considered before. That is the gift of recovery for me.

Reflection: Am I limiting my choices because I haven't considered other possibilities?

10/22/2026

I don't have to be perfect to go after something I'm good at.

Good Enough Is Good Enough

No, dear brothers, I am still not all I should be, but I am bringing all my energies to bear on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, Philippians 3:13 TLB

I was watching a movie this weekend. It was one of those sappy Christmas movies. You know the type. I love them. Don't judge. The reason I love them is because I usually feel better afterward, and this one was no different. One scene was worth the price of admission alone. A lady was explaining what motivated her to change. She started saying yes to things she normally said no to, which led her to a group where people showed up as they were, without trying to impress anyone. She saw God's love there. Then she said something that really got my attention. “I thought if God could love me without making me earn it, then maybe I don’t have to wait until I’m perfect to go after what I am good at.” I stopped and replayed that scene several times. I took instruction from what she said. It was a moment of recovery for me.

That scene impacted me because I've recently been doing some intensive step work on this very thing: that feeling of not being good enough. I'm finding that underneath those feelings is a way of thinking. When I allow that thinking to come in and I give in to it, even just a little, those old feelings come rolling in and can be overwhelming. I'm uncovering how much this character defect has influenced my decisions and contributed to many of my disappointments and failures.

That's why the line about not waiting until you're perfect hit me so hard. How many times had I not pursued something I really wanted because I thought I wasn't good enough? I never applied for certain jobs because I thought I wouldn't get them. Never sought promotions because I thought I would fail. Never tried to buy a house because I assumed I would be turned down. I had already decided I wasn't good enough before I even tried. And that comes right back to my core issue. My thinking. For years, I blamed that thinking on the things that happened to me when I was younger. Those experiences certainly contributed and were probably the main reason I developed that thought process. But I'm no longer that little boy. I don't have to stay that way. I can change.

Like that woman in the movie, I started saying yes to new things. I came to a recovery group where I saw God's love in action. But after all these years in recovery, I'm only now recognizing my part in continuing that way of thinking. Working through the steps and letting go of past resentments was difficult, but letting go of the thinking behind my core issue is much harder. It affects me every day in the here and now and influences the decisions I make about my future. I don't have to remain hostage to those old feelings. I've probably worked through the Twelve Steps twenty times, but this is my first intensive Fourth Step focused on not feeling good enough. As I address it, it loses its power bit by bit. I'm already seeing changes in my relationships I'm not even trying to improve. I'm working on improving me and growing closer to God. That's it. I feel hopeful again, and I'm excited about what's coming next. By repeatedly working through the steps, I am getting better. And the more recovery I have, the more recovery I am able to grasp. The weller I get, the weller I can get. And that is the gift of recovery for me.

Reflection: What could I do today that I've been avoiding because I thought I wasn't good enough?

10/20/2026

I make things harder than they need to be when I try to do things my own way instead of following the instructions.

Following the Instructions

Those who reject what they are taught will pay for it, but those who obey what they are told will be rewarded. Proverbs 13:13 NCV

I recently bought a bookshelf for my daughter, and it came with those familiar words, “Some assembly required.” You know what I mean. This wasn't just an ordinary bookshelf. It was a circular bookshelf that spins, so it was more complicated to put together than a simple square one. Before I started, I read through the instructions. I didn’t just look at the pictures. I actually read all the words. As I followed the instructions step by step, everything came together perfectly. When I finished, I stepped back to admire my handiwork. I looked at the bookshelf and thought about how easy it was to assemble. All I did was simply follow the instructions. They said it would take about two hours to assemble, and I finished in about an hour and forty-five minutes.

That's when I had an aha moment. A few months earlier, I put together a patio swing, and that experience was completely different. The instructions said it should take about an hour and a half. But I remember looking at the instructions, focusing on the pictures, and thinking, I've done this before. No big deal. I figured I knew what I was doing. But several times during the assembly, I found myself having to undo something I had already put together because I had gotten ahead of the instructions. There was another step that needed to happen first, or a crossbar or support that needed to be installed before I could move on. So I kept having to take things apart and redo them. That patio swing took me five hours to assemble! The difference wasn't that one project was necessarily easier than the other. It was that I followed the instructions with one and tried to do things my own way with the other. I realized how much time and energy I had wasted on that patio swing simply because I hadn't followed the instructions.

I started thinking about how life in recovery works the same way. When I follow the instructions, things seem to go better. When I take the recommended prescription as prescribed, I usually get the desired results. I don't waste nearly as much time and energy having to undo things or go back and do them over again. For example, when I work the steps in order with a sponsor, I find that things go really well. But when I try to do them on my own, out of order, or without a sponsor, I often find myself having to go back and do things over again. I get disappointed because I'm not getting the results I was looking for. I've found that the same thing is true in my relationship with God. When I follow His instructions, things seem to go better. When I take the time to pray and seek Him, I find that my relationship with Him is real and vibrant. But when I don't, He seems distant. The truth is, God hasn't moved. I'm the one who has changed positions, not Him. So today I'm going to practice following the instructions because I like the results I get when I do. And that's the gift of recovery for me.

Reflection:
Where in my life am I making things harder than they need to be because I'm not following the instructions?

10/19/2026

I am learning to stand up for myself. It's new and not always pretty.

Being Goaded

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. Proverbs 15:1 NLT

This past weekend someone I work with made a derogatory comment to me that called into question my character and work ethic. This was not the first time I had heard comments from him, and they had been bothering me for a while. Usually I would walk away, maybe make a joke about it, and then think about it over and over afterward. This time I decided to speak up for myself instead of carrying resentment. I told him, “I don’t appreciate what you said about me. It is not accurate, and I don’t appreciate you talking that way about me.” He defended what he said, and I became aggressive. I got in his face, pointed my finger at him, and told him to stop talking about me. Another coworker saw the exchange and told us, “You two knock it off. You’re not representing the brand well.” I knew immediately that she was right and apologized to her. Then he told me to walk away. That pushed another button. I felt like he was trying to boss me around and have the last word, so I told him, “Just keep your mouth shut,” and walked away.

I’m not happy about how I responded. Getting in his face was wrong. Needing to have the last word was old behavior. I am absolutely a hot mess and still a work in progress. That is why I am in recovery. The good news is I don’t have to stay like that. I can change. Working the steps has taught me to ask, What is my part? Why did I react that way? I realized this was about me and my core issue. His comments stirred up that feeling of not being good enough. And because I had never really dealt with his previous comments, resentment started building. When this happened, I was not only reacting to what he said that day. I was reacting to everything I had been carrying with me.

I wanted to respond in a healthier way. I didn’t want to just stew about my hurts and then tell anyone who would listen how I was wronged. I wanted to stand up for myself face-to-face. That part was healthy new behavior. Unfortunately, because it was new and I didn’t really know how to do it, I overcompensated and fell back on what felt comfortable. Old behavior. I am not sorry that I wanted to speak up for myself, but I do regret how I did it.

A couple of days later he called me and apologized. I apologized to him for being aggressive. We talked, and I learned that some of the comments I had heard secondhand and thought were about me were actually about someone else. He also acknowledged that what he had said directly to me that day was not accurate. I started to see how easily resentment had settled in. I had been seeing this person as an opponent and was on guard against him. Even though it was ugly, I was still able to recognize my behavior, identify my part, apologize for what was mine, and deal directly with the person instead of carrying it around or gossiping about it. I still need to learn how to stand up for myself in healthier ways, but I have started and I am making progress. That is the gift of recovery for me.

Reflection
How do I address it when someone wrongs me so that resentment doesn’t fester?

10/14/2026

Change of View

Start Listening I'm learning that my resentment toward others usually has more to do with my own hurts than anything they've actually done. What a shame - yes, how stupid! - to decide before knowing the facts! Proverbs 18:13 (TLB) A few years back, I was assigned to work a weekend tournament. After completing my games on Saturday, I received a call from the tournament director telling me I was not needed for Sunday because my games had been given to another umpire....

Start Listening I’m learning that my resentment toward others usually has more to do with my own hurts than anything they’ve actually done. What a shame – yes, how stupid! –…

10/14/2026

I'm learning that my resentment toward others usually has more to do with my own hurts than anything they've actually done.

Change of View

What a shame - yes, how stupid! - to decide before knowing the facts! Proverbs 18:13 (TLB)

A few years back, I was assigned to work a weekend tournament. After completing my games on Saturday, I received a call from the tournament director telling me I was not needed for Sunday because my games had been given to another umpire. Then, the following weekend, I was bumped from a tournament I had already committed to, and once again the games were given to the same guy. I was upset because I had been replaced. About a month later, my partner got sick, and this same umpire was called in to relieve him. During the game I watched the way he worked, and I noticed every little mistake he made. I compared myself to him, thinking he wasn't as good as me. “Why would they choose him instead of me?” I was critical of him and it showed. I was curt with him. I'm sure I was a peach to work with back then.

Last weekend, I found myself working with this same umpire again. I wasn't looking forward to it. I still had the same opinion of him that I'd formed years earlier. That began to change when we started talking. Or more correctly, when I started listening. He asked me about myself, and I told him a little about me. Then a thought came to mind. It sounded a lot like my sponsor, but I know it was God. “It is pretty rude to just talk about yourself and not ask anything about him.” So I did. That's when he started telling me his story. He said I looked familiar and asked if we'd worked together before. I shared with him a brief summary of our history. He seemed truly upset about it. He said he never intended to take anyone's games and didn't know mine had been taken away and given to him. He even apologized for it. I realized I had misjudged this man. After listening to him for just a few minutes, I started to see him as a person instead of my opponent.

As I listened, I realized that I had blamed him for something that wasn't his fault, and I had developed a resentment over it. Thinking that this guy was chosen over me pushed my buttons. I felt like I was not good enough. And since I never dealt with it back then, it just hung out and grew. In my hurt and trying to make myself look better, I even made disparaging remarks about him to other people.

After listening to him, I realized I really liked this guy. We share many of the same interests and have had similar life experiences. I had viewed him only through the lens of my own hurt. I'm sincerely grateful that God allowed us to work together. He has given me the opportunity to change my thinking and not remain the same old person. He also gave me an opportunity to make amends. And I did. On top of all that, there's a bonus gift. I have a new friend. This is what working the Twelve Steps and applying the principles of recovery looks like in my life. God is changing my thinking, and that changes how I treat other people. And that is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer: God, help me to listen instead of making assumptions. Show me when my own hurts and character defects are affecting how I see and treat others. Give me the strength and courage to change my behavior. Amen.