10/20/2026
When I ask people this question, the most common answers I hear are calm, followed by happy.
And that makes sense, because when we feel anxious we want to feel calm. And when our children are worried, scared, or overwhelmed, we naturally want to help them feel better, so we find ourselves saying things like, "Calm down... take a deep breath... count to ten... think of something happy... don't worry."
And while there's certainly nothing wrong with wanting to feel calm, I want to offer you a different way to think about anxiety.
In my work, I've found that the most powerful antidote to anxiety is not calm, it's TRUST.
Trust in others and the world around us, yes. But mainly trust in ourselves and our ability to handle what comes our way, even when we don't know exactly what that will look like.
Anxiety thrives in uncertainty. The unknown feels scary because we don't know what will happen or whether we'll be able to handle it.
Trust, on the other hand, gives us something to rely on. It's grounded in our knowledge, our experiences, our relationships, and the skills we develop along the way.
Think about a time you faced something new, challenging, or scary. Imagine being able to tell yourself, "I don't know exactly how this will go. It might be uncomfortable or hard. But I trust myself to figure things out. I trust that I can handle whatever comes next."
That is the opposite of anxiety.
Trust doesn't take away the worry. It gives you something steady to stand on while you're feeling worried and helps you through to the other side.
I'm not suggesting we need to know everything, feel confident all the time, or never experience anxiety. That's not real life, nor should it be the goal. But the more we can return to that internal sense of "I know I handle this." the more grounded and capable we feel.
And this is exactly what we want to help our children develop.
How do we help children build inner-trust?
Not by constantly providing reassurance.
When your child comes to you feeling anxious, your instinct is probably to lean into reassurance. You answer their questions, explain why they don't need to worry, try to solve the problem, and reassure them that everything will be okay.
Of course! You love them and want them to feel better. You also have more experience and you can see things they can't yet see.
But here's what I want you to consider: Constant reassurance helps your child temporarily feel better without helping them build the skills to handle the next moment of uncertainty.
And I'll take it one step further. Repeated reassurance can actually get in the way of those skills developing, because a cycle forms where your child increasingly looks outside themselves for comfort and certainty.
And if you have an anxious child, you know how this goes. That momentary relief they get from your reassurance is short-lived. Within minutes, sometimes seconds, they're back with another question, another worry, looking for another dose of reassurance.
Of course, your child needs to know they can rely on you. Your presence and support matter tremendously. But supporting your child doesn't mean filling in every blank or resolving every worry.
What we want is for children to look both outward and inward. It's not only one or the other. It's learning to rely on others and themselves.
Because ultimately, the goal isn't for your child to stop needing reassurance. It's for them to develop a sense of inner trust that doesn't depend on someone else constantly telling them everything will be okay.
