09/21/2026
Life got dark for awhile. My world got small. The light began to fade and I couldn’t find her (me) anymore.
The wisdom of the years of remembering seemed to fade - just for me. Somehow, I was still able to summon them up for others, but I no longer had access.
At the same time, everything else got really big - the grief, the voices of doubt, the sorrow, the turmoil, the rage, the resentments, the disappointments, the exhaustion, the pain...oh, the pain.
Something was trying to die, to be destroyed, disintegrate, dissolve.
And another part of me wouldn’t have it, wouldn’t allow it.
These two parts fought tooth and nail.
Hair lost, fascia flared, memory diminshed, mind fogged, body exhausted, heart broken, womb cramped, cortisol rampent. Exhausted. Absolutely exhausted. Depleted.
Nervous system burnt.
Depression.
Confusion.
Grief.
The amount of tears that moved through my body and out of my eyes could have become a lake, maybe an ocean. I didn’t know I could cry so much. I didn’t know there was so much held inside of this body that needed to be grieved. I didn’t know the layers of lifetimes that have been stored in this vessel that weren’t mine to carry. I am so strong, I learned. This body is miraculous in all the ways she has protected me.
I am just starting to find the words to describe the last year and half, but the truth is, words don’t do justice to the experience. Does it ever, really?
I’m going to try anyways.
And just maybe, it will make a difference for you when you need to be reminded that what you’re going through…you are not alone.
🤍
If you’ve wondered where I’ve been, if I owe you a call or message, please know it’s not personal. My deepest gratitude for those who have held space for me during this time. I love you.