09/28/2026
In SBIRT (Screening, Brief Intervention, Referral to Treatment) training today. I was able to take this quote in more fully.
“Don’t try to make someone change. Create a conversation where they feel safe, supported, and empowered enough to explore change for themselves.”
I have absolutely tried to make people change. If I’m being really transparent, there have been times when I have tried to force change.
Especially when I care about someone and I can see them struggling, I can very quickly move into problem-solving, fixing, intervening, managing, and overfunctioning. I can see what I think would help, and then work way too hard trying to get them there.
This is something I’ve been working on personally for a while, so hearing it framed this simply in a professional training was impactful for me today.
I can listen. I can ask good questions. I can offer information, resources, rides, support, encouragement, and connection. I can help create the conditions where change feels possible.
But I cannot do someone else’s changing for them.
And boundaries are part of that, too. Supporting someone does not require me to exhaust myself, abandon my own needs, or keep doing more because they are not ready or able to do their part. I am allowed to step back. I am allowed to rest. I am allowed to take care of myself while still loving someone very much.
Sometimes the work is supporting another person. Sometimes the work is tolerating my own discomfort when I cannot fix what is happening.
Sometimes, especially if it's someone close to me personally, I may even need to take space.
I understand that support, boundaries, and letting go of control can all exist at the same time. Balancing all that is another thing. It's a journey, for sure.