Anne C. Totero, LMFT

10/15/2026

10/13/2026

Luke was 9 years older and always called and showed up until he couldn’t anymore. I took his pup in and loved her for 8 more years after he passed. And life still moves on which is confusing and part of it.

10/13/2026

Thank you to the Kenosha Public Library for offering options like this at our local libraries. What, you’re wondering? The 🎃 cake pan is a rental! I am trying it out for this upcoming weekend as we’re having a Halloween family event! And it worked perfectly.

“Is it safe?”

You still wash out and sanitize it. Even if it’s washed and sanitized. Do it again!

Inspect for scratches!

Check for rust and residue.

Dry it thoroughly and use it thoughtfully.

These are great ways to try out baking without all the expensive pans and frosting tips! How cool.

What else is for rent? There are games, keyboards, cooking and baking supplies, and so much more. And also an amazing selection of books. I’m reading Sarita by Natalie Musgrave Dossett. What have you been picking up or reading at your local lately?

10/12/2026

ADHD is not a shield from accountability or a crutch for avoiding responsibility.

Your diagnosis warrants understanding, your struggles call for support, and your actions still have consequence.

Is it a medical diagnosis? Yes.
Does it add barriers to daily living? Yes.
Is it a reason you’re impacted? Yes.
Is it an excuse to not take ownership and action? No.

ADHD is treatable.

10/09/2026

Hello, all.

I’ll be launching my ADHD group therapy curriculum that I began at UW Health and now moving it to The Family Institute at Northwestern University starting January 2027.

This is a cohort-based group therapy with a seasoned clinician and ADHD Specialist. 10 weeks and utilizing executive functioning skills, CBT, and DBT.

Referrals will be invited now and will be ongoing, so send anyone starting 10/9/2026. The client will call our registration team at 847-733-4300 and tell them they’re interested in the Adult ADHD Group with Anne Totero.

I will take insurance BCBS PPO, United, out of network, and self pay options.

I’m licensed in both Illinois and Wisconsin so virtually clients from both states can attend!

This will have virtual and in-person options. The person does need to be formally diagnosed with ADHD and 18+, out of high school timeline.

You can message me directly for any questions!

Anne

10/07/2026

As a social scientist and therapist in every fiber of me, even as I wrote my book was to capture the nature of people in simplest forms. And a lot of people in the comments say “I feel for the lamb” or “I’m the lamb.” No. Most of us are the wolves and actively being the wolves. “I’m kind and help everyone.” When you’re well. Yet to survive, what would you do? “I’d help others.” A lot of us on social media platforms have not felt deep struggle. Not pain, let me be clear. Pain, yes. STRUGGLE. If we’re sitting and posting or commenting online? You aren’t in imminent risk or life or death struggle. The kindest, most humble people I’ve met in a therapy office or real life is people who have had nothing or no one to call theirs. That’s the lamb. They’ve already been drained from resources and choose to still be present. The lamb isn’t submissive or permissive. Those jaws will get tired and they’ll survive. Sometimes they don’t. And the personal lack of accountability and insight that most of us are the wolf, is both nature to protect ego yet also lack of accountability. I had to know I have the wolf as my nature to consider the lamb and become more like the lamb. But I’m not the lamb. And most of you aren’t the lamb either.

10/06/2026

Of The Empty I think is an AI assisted band and I’m unsure how much yet I’m not too bothered by AI as a tool when it surfaces songs like this. My clients with are using every last part of themselves to feel better. And managing relationships and stress and work and even the weather change - it’s a lot.

10/06/2026

Your burnout is not your personal failure. And you still have to take accountability for your part in it.

Burnout is often discussed as if it’s an individual problem: Manage your time better, practice more self care, become more resilient. And burnout doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Chronic workload expectations, insufficient resources, lack of autonomy, unclear expectations, workplace culture, caregiving demands, the salary doesn’t match the effort given, and prolonged stress can all contribute. Sometimes the environment is a contributing factor to the problem. Telling someone to simply become “more resilient” in an unsustainable environment misses an important part of the picture.

Also, recognizing systemic factors doesn’t mean we have no agency. Accountability is different from blame. Accountability means getting curious about the patterns that may be keeping us stuck: Saying yes when our body can’t give anything else and to say no, consistently overfunctioning, tying our worth to productivity, avoiding difficult conversations, refusing to delegate, or waiting until our bodies force us to stop. These behaviors often developed for understandable reasons…and they can still be behaviors we need to change.

We cannot self care our way out of every unhealthy system. And we also cannot always wait for the system to change before we start protecting ourselves. Burnout recovery often requires holding two truths at the same time: Some of what contributed to your burnout may have been outside your control. And some of what happens next is within your influence. That isn’t blame. That’s agency.

10/06/2026

“I only have a master’s.”

This statement can be common in academic spaces related to psychology or therapy.

Only?

I’d like to spend a few minutes to remind those saying “only” what a master’s level clinician goes through educationally to treat their clients.

1. 4 years of an undergraduate degree
2. 2 years full time in a graduate program or up to 4-5 years part-time
3. MOST of the time, unpaid internships on top of that.
4. 2-4 years post-graduation direct contact with clients to earn in-training hours towards licensure
5. A national exam
6. Obtaining licensure with all requirements then you can independently treat
7. Once obtained, most states require 30 continuing education hours every two years.
8. And master’s level clinicians are starting to have license portability yet it’s still a newer concept. We are paying and applying for each state.

That’s at least EIGHT YEARS of training and education to treat independently. And then continuing that education to provide quality, ethical care.

The professional hierarchy in psychology can be demeaning. And it’s showing up in how we’re paid by insurance companies, at our career jobs, and more. The symbolic value re: degrees in universities and academic healthcare is there. Yes, I know my limitations with a masters. That’s not the same thing as recognizing our worth with a master’s degree. Another way to break this cycle of thought is a reminder to not to equate degree level to clinical competence.

Saying “only” next to master’s degrees can also reinforce that hierarchy. Intentionally or not.

Let’s consider, “I’m a master’s level, independently licensed clinician.” “I have a master’s.”