10/04/2026
It’s been one year since you left me Earthside…
There was a time when I truly didn’t know how I would live without you here. I feared your passing for years, knowing it would devastate me to my core, and when the day came, it did.
For a while, everything felt like an empty, dark pit of sadness. I felt lost without you. A part of me still does.
I still think about one of our final moments together. I looked into your eyes, and as clearly as if you had spoken aloud, I heard you say, “It’s time.”
I didn’t want it to be time. I wanted more hours. More days. More years. More of you. But beneath the heartbreak, I knew you were telling me you were ready.
And somehow, I still feel you with me. Guiding me. Protecting me. Conspiring on my behalf in the spirit realm. Sending the right people my way, guiding animals toward me, opening doors I can’t yet see, and leading me deeper into the work you first nudged me toward.
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about life’s dualities. Maybe that’s part of why the idea feels so connected to you. Your black and white fur always seemed to hold both at once. Light and dark. Two truths existing side by side.
This is one of my favorite times of year. The leaves are changing, the air is colder, winter is approaching, hockey season is here. So many little things I love are returning.
And yet, today, I’m just sad.
It’s strange to hold so much beauty and grief at the same time. To feel grateful and heartbroken. Comforted and lonely. Excited for what’s ahead and still deeply missing what was.
But maybe that’s part of being human. Letting sadness and joy coexist without needing one to cancel out the other.
One year later, I still miss you more than words can say, but I still feel your love everywhere.
Maybe it was time to let your body rest. Maybe it was time for our relationship to change form. Maybe it was time for me to trust that love can still guide us, even when we can no longer reach out and touch the one we love.
And maybe part of honoring you now is continuing to find joy in this life, love deeply, and carry forward the joy you brought so naturally while you were here.
I’ll love you forever, Fender🖤🤍