10/10/2026
Trigger warning: su***de and sexual assault
🩷 World Mental Health Day — Behind the Smile 🩷
Most of you know me as the loud, sarcastic, sometimes inappropriate nail tech who loves making people laugh.
But what most people don't know is that I've spent most of my life hiding pain behind humor.
Mental illness has been part of my life for as long as I can remember. My mom struggled with severe mental illness, was hospitalized regularly, and attempted su***de when I was just a toddler. I witnessed things no child should ever have to see. I was also sexually assaulted as a very young child.
My dad was always the strong one. The person who held everything together when everyone else couldn't.
And then I lost him to su***de.
His death taught me just how much pain even the strongest person can hide. Unfortunately, instead of teaching me to speak up about my own struggles, it taught me how to hide them, too.
I became the funny one. The strong one. The person who takes care of everyone else while silently falling apart herself.
Today, I live with Bipolar I disorder and battle depression. And after losing my mom on January 1st, this year has been especially difficult.
Some days I feel unstoppable. Other days, getting out of bed feels impossible. But I'm a mom, a wife, and a business owner. Life doesn't stop because I'm struggling.
So I show up. I laugh. I make inappropriate jokes. I do nails.
And most people would never know the difference between my best days and my darkest ones.
Therapy has helped me tremendously, but one of the hardest things I've had to learn is how to be vulnerable. For most of my life, vulnerability felt like weakness. Even now, my husband is really the only person I feel comfortable letting see me when I'm not okay.
And honestly, posting this is terrifying.
Because I've spent my entire life perfecting the art of looking okay, even when I'm not.
I'm not sharing this for pity. I'm sharing it because I know what it's like to grow up surrounded by mental illness, lose someone to su***de, and then find yourself fighting your own battles.
I spent years learning how to hide my pain. Now I'm trying to learn how to stop.
I'm still grieving. Still healing. Still struggling some days. But I'm here, I'm trying, and I'm slowly learning that I don't always have to be the strong one.
So please, check on your strong friends. Your funny friends. The ones who always seem to have everything together.
Because sometimes the people who are best at making everyone else feel okay are the ones who have spent a lifetime pretending they are.
🩷 Nichelle
