Live Now

10/11/2026

FEAR FACTOR - I was never afraid of having cancer. Yes, I was afraid that my life could be cut short, especially when I had two young children and a husband that I adored. But I was never afraid of the decease itself. I always just thought that I would be put through a lot of pain and that I would survive. So, I have, since my first cancer in 2002 and a major operation, then my second cancer in my other breast in 2017 and I felt the same since 2020 when I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Cancer. And I survived and I was never afraid. Not happy, but I knew I could take care of myself, even living alone without Lewis. But now, things have changed!!! I had a seizure last Saturday and was in the hospital for close to three days. I had lunch with a friend and went to do errands. I was leaving Wild Foods on 123rd street and Biscayne Blvd. My left hand started to shake. It would not stop shaking, and I could not get my hand on the steering wheel. I was now on Biscayne blvd and realized I must get off the road. My right hand was now shaking. I was able to turn off of the main road and get onto a small back road. I knew I had to get somewhere to park. I turned into the Wendys parking lot and stopped in front of the takeout window and the entrance to the restaurant. By this time I kept telling myself, “you cannot pass out, You can not pass out”, because I knew I had to put the car into park. I do not know how I did it, but somehow, I managed to put the car into park and even put my hazard lights on. By now my leg was shaking as well and I was out of control. A woman walks up to my window and says she called for an ambulance, and they are on the way. She said she will stay with me until the paramedics arrive. I then remember that someone was in my passenger seat telling the fellow who was now at my driver side door that I was stiff as a board and he administered a shot into my arm. I then passed out.
I was taken to Aventura Hospital. If you can help it, never be take there!!! It was one of the worst hospitals I have ever been at. The nurses were fine, they did their job and the room was a single bedroom and was ample, but the medical treatment there is not up to par. All I did was sleep while I was there. I needed to get an MRI for the brain and not until I said I was leaving “against doctors’ orders”, did I get the MRI. I left once the procedure was done and read. And the one test I should have gotten immediately was never even ordered, an EEG. Nor did they send the reports to the doctor that I authorized to get it. Yes of course, I could have come back to get a disk, but no, I did not ever want to go back to that facility.
I now cannot drive for six months in the state of Florida due to the seizure. This is going to make my life very difficult. However, I am afraid to drive at the moment anyway. I felt great when I had this seizure and there was no forewarning of its imminent arrival. But what I am most afraid of now is not knowing if another seizure is going to occur. Not knowing if when I fall, I will not hurt myself in the process. Will someone be around to help me? The foremost question in my mind now, “Is a seizure coming on?”. And to add insult to injury, the anti-seizure medicine has as a side effect of dizziness. I do not know if I am dizzy from the medicine or from a forthcoming seizure. It is very disconcerting not knowing what to expect and to have no control over one’s own body. My brain was working, but my mind had no control over my body. The memory is so vivid.
I left six days after checking out of the hospital for Costa Rica. I felt that I needed to see how the building of my house was going and I had a whole bunch of items for the house that needed to be delivered here as well. Also, I have to get back to Miami to get my Chemo next week. So, I did not have much time to play with. I initially did not feel good when I got here, but I still believe it was worth coming.
My brain MRI showed that my brain has no more tumors and the tumors that I had are all resolving from the treatment I received. My recent Petscan showed that all the existing tumors in my body are diminishing and no new tumors are visible. So, I no longer will be getting Chemo every three weeks. This time it will be three weeks and four days. Eventually the time between getting chemo will be every four weeks and not “The” protocol of every three weeks. It is my choice and I believe that it will allow me to be on this chemo formular for a longer period of time, because there will be less chemo (toxins) in my body overtime. Toxicity itself can cause a person to have to get off chemo. And right now there is no other new treatments available to me, if I had to stop the chemo I am on. If my exams show cancer regrowth, I can always go back to every three weeks. These are choices we all have; it is not up to the doctor. They can express their disapproval, but it is up to the patient to make the decisions of what will be done to their bodies. Also I question if it is the chemo that is causing the seizures. I asked, and the doctors do not know.
Yes, I am fearful, but this too shall pass. The memory will fade over time. I will continue to take the anti-seizure medicine and learn what to expect. I will try to get more sleep than I ever ever had before. I will hydrate and try not to stress out. And life will continue. It may be a bit different, but I shall survive this. I will come to Costa Rica to my new home, and I will try to live a stress-free life. I will paint, do art, swim, putter in my garden, meet new friends and love the friends and family that I already have. I will laugh, cry and cherish every day that I have the ability to open my eyes and enjoy the day!!!
Life is not merely surviving!!!!
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10/11/2026

I was never afraid of having cancer. Yes, I was afraid that my life could be cut short, especially when I had two young children and a husband that I adored. But I was never afraid of the decease itself. I always just thought that I would be put through a lot of pain and+ Read More

08/27/2026

MY HOUSE, MY HOME - I returned from Costa Rica over a week ago. I came home on Thursday and had my Chemo on Friday. It was not so bad. I have a few days or more of exhaustion and some dizzyness and then I am okay, except for the Chemo fog that decends on me. I am really unable to think very clearly. That is why it has taken me so long to write this blog. It is also the reason I have not been able to deal with some of the pressing issues that I need to attend to. But, I will survive and I have time to get to them. I have decided that I shall live for another ten years, not a day longer. From my mouth to Gods ear!!! That is if you believe that he is even listening.

So, my house is coming along beautifully. I can now see that it is really a house! A big one at that!!!! Why I need such a big house is anyone's guess. I suppose the only thing to do is to fill the house up with all my friends and family.

While I was in Costa Rica this time I had to make so many decisions regarding the layout of the house, the doors, the furniture, the tiles, and all the things that make a house a home. It was exhausting. It would have been so much more enjoyable to make these decisions if Lewis was by my side. I had fifty years with Lewis and we always made decisions together. I do feel as if he is with me at such times, but it is not the same. I want so much to see his beaming smile that tells me I made the right decision. I want to feel his arms around me to let me know that he loves me and cannot wait to enjoy our new home. But, this is not to be had. So I have to continue alone and I acknowledge that he will never leave me, he will be with me forever in my memories and in spirit.

The house will be done by the end of October. I plan to go back mid September. After my next two treatments of Chemo and a Pet Scan, a brain MRI and all sorts of doctor appointments. Then I will know if the Chemo is continuing to work. Either way, I am going to Costa Rica to finish my house. It keeps me going, it gives me something to think about other than my health.

I am going to the Berkshires. I am going to one of my dearest friend's 70th birthday celebration. How can I not go? It will be fun!!! I am once again pushing myself to go. I am as I said before exhusted. It really is only the traveling that gets to me, but I know that once I get there I will be with great people in a beautiful location and I will enjoy myself immensly!!

My doctor said I will be on Chemo until it stops working. The average person stays on it only for a year. There is at the moment no real next medication to take after Chemo. She wants me to continue to have it every three weeks. She appears to be a doctor that only sees numbers and does not see the individual, the jury is not out yet to be conclusive. But if all the cancer is out of my body after this next round of Chemo, (three doses over nine weeks), then I will demand that it be given to me every four weeks. This is when I hear from the Jury regarding my new doctor. I know that there is no studies done with this medication to see if four weeks vs three weeks diminishes its viability, so I will submit myself to be the study. I believe, without any real reason to do so, that the additional week should work and may increase the length of time that I can be on this Chemo regime. To me it is worth giving it a try. If it does work after extending the duration between receiving the medication and there is no new cancer, I may move it to five weeks. Let's see.

I want to live life. I want to live a good and fulfilling life. Like I have always said, it is not the issue of merely surviving, life is to be lived!!! I will build my house and make it a home. I will travel and see the world. I will laugh, cry and enjoy every moment of every day and I will not give up!!! Do the same!! Fight for what you believe in and do not allow a doctor or anyone or anything take from you the enjoyment that life has to offer!!!

Life is not merely surviving!!!

07/26/2026

A LOT TO TELL- So, I had the Gamma Knife treatment on two tumors in my brain, which is essentially radiation. It was not enough to have two tumors in my brain, but a small third one was found via an MRI prior to the radiation. Then less than a week later, I have brain surgery. Real brain surgery, the doctor cut open the top of my head, about four inches and removed a large malignant brain tumor. I was in the hospital for two nights. After the operation and before he sewed me up the surgeon inserted gamma chips into my brain. The chips are contained in a mesh material that surrounds the circumference of the area that was created by the removal of the tumor and they are radioactive. they stay in my brain forever. These little chips remove whatever remaining tumor cells that may have not been removed during the operation. Then ten days later, I got my first Her2 infusion. Needless to say, it was one hell of a few weeks. I was exhausted!!! Thank goodness that was really my only negative reaction to all the procedures. I slept for days and could not do much of anything.

But July 4th, the day my husband died was coming up and I had to commemorate his passing with my son. We get together and travel to a place that we know Lewis would have enjoyed and spend time together. It has been something we have been doing since he died. So, I had to pull myself together and find the energy to go. And go I went, to First to NYC and to spend July 4th with my son and fiancé. We saw the tall ships, the Airforce fly over, I went to the Symphony commemorating the 250-year anniversary of our Nation and then saw an outrageous display of fireworks. And on the 5th, we flew to Rome. Italy was great. No s**t, how could it not be? We spent a few days in Rome and saw the sights. We then drove south down the coast. We went to Napoli, Porto and the island of Ischia, where we stayed in a castle. We ate at all the best restaurants. Went to a farm and had their homemade olive oil and learned how to make mozzarella. We went to w**e tastings. And of course we went to all the ruins on the way. I was exhausted most of the days, but I pushed through. It was a marvelous trip, and my only regret is that Lewis was not with us.

Then I returned to Miami and the following day I got my chemo. I was supposed to have more radiation on my neck, because they found two spots that are cancerous in my neck bone. Of course, I can’t miss a spot. But it was cancelled pending the outcome of my chemo treatments. I was thrilled that I would not have radiation on my neck. This was located in a tricky area and could cause real harm if it went amiss. A week after my last chemo, I went for a Pet Scan to see if the chemo was doing its job. Now I was nervous!!! If the chemo was working, great. I am in the clear. But if it is not working, then I am s**t out of luck. I have gone through all the hormonal drugs that are available and there are none left to take and after chemo, there is nothing to be done, but to cut out the cancer one by one or to join a clinical trial. Not good options. You can just imagine; I was very nervous regarding the results.

I had the Pet Scan and the nurse the following morning stated that the Pet Scan showed that the Chemo was working. She said that the cancer in my chest, lungs and hip were all diminishing, but she did not want to say what will be regarding my neck. The radiologists who was going to do the procedure stated that I do not have to do anything at all and I will see them in September. My oncologist said that the results were excellent. But it was not until my Surgeon stated to me yesterday that he could not find any signs of cancer in my neck that I could actually breath.

I am lucky, I have had cancer since 2002 and stage four cancer since 2020 and I am still here and kicking. Some would say that having cancer alone makes me unlucky. But to me, I am so very lucky and blessed. I am surviving!!! And living a full life!!! I have friends and family that have shown me love, friendship and limitless kindness and compassion. These individuals, and you all know who you are, I want you to know how much I love you in return and cherish you beyond words can ever express!!!

Now that I am in the clear, I am leaving this Monday to go to Costa Rica. I will be there until the day before I need my next chemo treatment on August 7th. If I must come back every three weeks to get chemo I will. I am ready to start living again!!! Yes, I do have my issues, but I will not stop living a full life because of them and I will not allow them to dictate how I see the world. I see love, friendship and laughter and many good times to come. And that is what I will strive for. Please do the same!! Life is presented to you, much you cannot change, but it is up to you on how you perceive your life and your issues!! It is up to you to decide to find laughter, love and happiness in your life. It is out there, now go out and find it!!!

Life is not merely surviving!!!!

06/10/2026

06/10/2026

PROGRESS REPORT - I have now had three cancers removed from my brain, two by gamma radiation and the third large cancer by an operation where they drilled through my skull. My memory is coming back and I do not feel as if I am in a fog as I have been feeling for the last six months. I really thought that I was getting Alzheimer’s or some sort of dementia. It was a very unsettling feeling knowing that you did something that was totally incorrect or that you did not finish the last few steps to complete the task: it was as if the thought totally disappeared from my mind. I can now empathize with people with memory loss and how they just give up.
Last Thursday I had my first targeted Chemo treatment. Getting Chemo was always my biggest fear. I truly believe that had I gotten Chemo back in 2002, I would be dead today. Yes, Chemo was different then, all cells were targets back then. It was like using a nuclear bomb to remove one building in a small town. Many people died from the treatment alone. So, I was nervous to say the least. But I must say that having had my first treatment, I am relieved; I did not become ill, I was not nauseous, and I feel pretty good, actually.
I went to my follow up with my surgeon yesterday to find out that my most recent MRI of my brain showed that I have cancer cells in my neck, which created two small holes in my C2 vertebrae. And my team of Oncologists do not want me to wait to see if the Chemo will take care of the cancer in that area. They feel that it is in a too sensitive of an area and must be removed before it can cause irreparable harm. Which means that I now have to get radiation on my neck. Just when I thought I was over all the procedures, here we go again. So, this Thursday I go see my oncological radiologist to discuss when the procedure will be done.
It will have to be done real soon, or it will have to wait until I get back from the trip I just planned with my son. Every year on the death of Lewis, my husband, his father we go away on the date of his passing. I am going to NYC to see the 250-year celebration of NYC on July 4th and then we are going to continue to celebrate in the boot of Italy. Lewis would want us to do so.
It is important to keep perspective on what makes life worth living. It cannot only be doctors and procedures. One must have a reason to live and enjoy one’s life whenever one can. If my procedure has to wait, then I must acknowledge that they found the holes in my neck via happenstance. Therefore; in my opinion, it can wait a few weeks. I may be told differently, but I will cross that bridge when I get there.
This may sound strange, but I feel that I am damn lucky!!!! I do not feel pain, I am not nauseous, I am able to wake up in the morning and smile, I have a team of doctors that care and I have friends and family that I love and who seem to love me in return. I am still going to finish my house in Costa Rica and it will bring me joy. I will do my art there, I will commune with nature and I will find happiness and contentment. This makes the fight worth all the effort!!! If you are going through a loss, a health issue or just hard times, just remember that you should find that one thing daily that brings a smile to your lips, find that one person who supports and comforts you and remember that if you open your eyes in the morning the gods are smiling at you!!! You can make it, no matter what life throws at you!!
Live is not merely surviving!!!!

05/23/2026

I got home from the hospital yesterday. I spent two days and two nights recuperating from the operation. It has been hell of a few days. Last Thursday I had gamma radiation on two tumors in my brain.

Yes, they found another one to be removed and then on Tuesday I had my skull cut open across my head to remove another larger tumor. Then in comes the gamma chips, which they left in my brain to clear out the margins where the tumor was cut out from. These chips are radioactive and they remain so for about two weeks and any cancer cells still remaining in the cavity that they made will be destroyed.

I must say, however, that the recovery from the operation was unbelievably easy. I was wide awake when I got into the hospital room and I felt pretty good, with just a slight headache. It is hard to believe how far medicine has progressed. Neither thunder nor lightning was required.

My family with out a doubt I can rely on to care for me when and if the need arises. But it is my friends who have really surprised me with all their support and love. Real friends are the people that you get to pick as your family. I always had Lewis, he took care of me and I took care of him. I never asked anyone for any help, actually it is very hard for me to ask.

But I now realize that a good friend wants me to ask. It is really a blessing to have the friends that I have. I want to thank each and everyone of you for being there for me. I love you all!!!

Please accept this as an invitation that once the house is ready in Costa Rica, I am expecting you to arrive and allow me to reciprocate for your love and kindness!!

I will start the targeted chemo, in two weeks. I am doing it, because it is in my brain and I have no choice. The targeted chemo attacks the cancer cells located in, Her2 positive cancer, which I have. The chemo pe*****tes the brain membrane, which is incredibly important. So hopefully, I will be able to eradicate all the cancer in my body and protect my brain.

I am fighting once again and I will keep on fighting to live to see another day. Adversity comes in all forms, but you can make it. You have to take it one day at a time and look at it as if it is just another bumb in the road. But, do it with laughter and light heartedness. Find joy in the day no matter what. Accept the little rewards that come your way! I am.

HOME - I am not in pain, my brain is finally feeling as if it is working again. The hospital that I was at had great nurses, they knew what they were doing and they were kind when they did what needed to be done.

The doctors were fabulous and it was an experience no one wants to have to go through, but all in all it was an exceptional experience, life is how you look at it.

I am back, I WILL LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE and enjoy the days I have!!!
Life is not merely surviving!!!!

05/14/2026

UPDATE - I am going to get gamma knife radiation on Friday to take out the small tumor. Then on Tuesday of next week I am going in to the hospital to remove the bigger tumor. I will be in the hospital for two to three days. After all is said and done and I have recuperated sufficiently, I will be getting HER2 Targetted Chemo. Yes, I said Chemo!! I have too much cancer in my body floating around and getting into my head. I had to make the tough choice to take it and I made the choice on the fact that my brain should not be subjected to any more cancer. This Her2 treatment does pe*****te the brain barrier and works much faster. However, I am only going to agree to three treatments. I will get a Petscan and MRI after the third treatment in order to decide if I continue on it or get on the Zomeda chemo pill. Also, I am moving forward with this treatment, because my late husband voice is in my head telling me to take it. He always wanted me to do anything that would keep me alive, even Chemo. And of course, I would argue against it. But now, it appears that I do not have any choices left. So, here I am at a cross road that I never thought that I would be at. But, I know I will survive!! This is just another bumb in the road, a large bumb, but not fatal.

I am still bulding my house and I am still going to Costa Rica in July to overseer the tile placement and anything else that I can add my two cents to. The house is slated to be in move in condition by the end of September. And there is where you will find me. Enjoying nature, the monkeys and the peace and serenity. And oh yes, the company of many good and dear friends.

Life "is" merely surviving, at least for the moment!!!

My blog site: https://livenow.travel

05/08/2026

TROUBLED WATERS - Troubled waters, failing health. My Petscan came back indicating that I have cancer once again in my Liver, in my lungs and oh yes a new location in my hip. The worst finding, if you can believe that it could get any worse, It showed a Mass in my brain, which is swollen. So my thought for the past month or so that I was getting Dementia was in actuality a result of this mass. So one good result of these findings is that I will die with my mind intact. I have been put on steroids to bring down the swelling and I must say that my mind is starting to go back to its normal self. I went for a brain MRI last week and the report came back indicating that I actually have two masses in my brain. One large and one small. The small one will be removed by radiation, the second, larger one, has to be removed by surgery, because it is not solid and in a location that requires surgery. I will however, get a going away gift of Gamma cells that will remain in my brain, they are radioactive, so that they can kill off any remaining cancer located in the pocket that is left by the surgery. I wonder if when I walk into a dark room, I will glow?? I should be having these procedures sometime later next week. All joking aside, I asked and I was told, that these procedures will not turn me into a vegetable. I am aware that there are no guarantees regarding surgical procedures, but the cancer is not in a bad location and the size, even the big one is located in a fold of my brain, not next to anything that could cause any great harm. God willing!!!! Or whoever makes those decisions.

The worst part about learning about my predicament is the waiting. Not being in control. No ability to make plans. I am not going to Idaho to get my possessions that I want for the Costa Rican house. I have been told by my doctors that they do not want me flying for fear of the swelling of the mass, which could cause more damage. My dear and unbelievable friend is going to help me get what I want shipped to Florida. I must say that I have great friends!!! They have all been so supportive!! I love you all!!!! And my family has come through for me as well!! Much support, love and friendship!!!

I have still been crying, but not for myself it seems. I believe beyond all reason that I am going to get through this once again. I will be tortured for a bit, but I do believe and expect to live a good life for the next ten years! I have been crying every time I think of Lewis. That he is not with me, supporting me, and helping me make such major decisions and of course loving me with all his heart. We loved each other for over 50 years, but we were still in love till the day he died. A big difference. A major difference!

So, I am still building my house in Costa Rica. I am still sending money, via wires, to my chagrin and I am still going to go there once I am through with all of these procedures. I will now have to wait until I have my first infusion of Her2 targeted cancer therapy. It is not chemo, and it is the only choice I have. The pill I was hoping to take for the Braci cells that my cancer had mutated into will not work. They work for a person who carries the gene from birth, but it is not effective enough for a mutated gene ,which is what I have, especially with all the new cancers in my body. I will need to take the infusion every three weeks. So I will be racking up a bunch of frequent flyer miles. It is doable and I will do it!!!

As I have always said, there are no guarantees that you will wake up in the morning! So enjoy every day no matter what is going on in your life. There is always something to smile about. It could just be the mere fact that you did indeed wake up! But do not leave it at that, find happiness, tell that person that you love them, hold out your hand to someone who could benefit from your support, be there as a friend and just do something for yourself, give yourself just a portion of your day, even if it is just 10 minutes, to feel good and know that you are important!!!

Life is not merely surviving!!!!

04/22/2026

HARD EMOTIONS - Today is my 53rd anniversary, if only Lewis was still alive. So instead of celebrating the day, I am mourning the 3rd anniversary that I have spent without him. Needless to say, I am absolutely not celebrating this occasion! I still cannot wrap my head around the fact that he is really gone! I still feel as if one day I will turn a corner and he will be coming towards me. I do not know if it is wishful thinking or a coping mechanism that my mind has set into place in order to help me survive. Whichever it is, it does help until I realize that it is just not true. I think of Lewis daily, if not hourly. He is never far from my thoughts.
It is strange that since getting the news that my cancer came back, even with the good news of my cancer mutating into a Braci gene, I have been weepy. This I must state is not me. It is not my MO. That is not to say that I do not cry when there is death in the family, or there is a traumatic situation that is overwhelming, then I cry openly. But in other manageable situations I do not cry in front of people. I have not since I was about five years of age. It all started when I refused to cry in front of my father. I would not give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry. I would not give him the pleasure knowing that he had hurt me. And if I did cry I actually learned to cry silently, so no one would know. For this reason, I very infrequently, even when alone, cry. If you know me and spent time with me, I am sure you have seen me start to cry, tears fill my eyes, my mouth goes still, but then I pull myself together and stop myself from crying. So to find myself all of sudden on a daily basis crying is quite unusual. I believe my crying is due to my most recent prognosis; it really hit me hard. I am just getting so tired of this merry-go-round I am on. I am tired of fighting and worrying. I am not feeling sorry for myself. And I am not crying about my cancer, it is just the day to day remembrance of Lewis, or the small aggravating issues that arise, I seem to just break into tears. Something opened the flood gates to my emotions. And without Lewis here with me to go through this once again it really sucks!!! He is the one person who would take care of me and who would help me make the hard decisions. He was my love and support!!
I just took another DNA test this week and I will be seeing my oncologist next week. Then the following week I get a Pet Scan, then an MRI. These tests will determine if I stay on the new estrogen pill I am taking or if I go on a new set of pills that target the mutated Braci gene. At least I have a new pill to take, without the mutation I was out of medications available to me. So, I am relieved!!!
My house in Costa Rica is moving forward. By next week it will have all the walls up! It is looking phenomenal. I have a lot to do before it is finished, but I take one day at a time to accomplish what is needed. I cannot wait for the house to be done!!! I believe Costa Rica will be good for me. I will be able to rest and find tranquility there. And if this crying jag continues, at least it rains every day so no one will know that I have been crying. Life is fundamentally good, and I will persevere. I know one of these days I will run out of tears and my soul will be cleansed. I will look up and see the monkeys, the birds, the butterflies and all the beauty the world has to offer and I will once again smile!!! Find something to smile about even in the roughest moments. Look for the beauty in the world and enjoy every breath that you can take!!!
Life is not merely surviving!!!