Doherty Relationship Institute

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Doherty Relationship Institute Bill is an internationally recognized professor, researcher, writer, speaker, consultant, and democracy builder. www.dohertyrelationshipinstitute.com

Bill Doherty, Ph.D., and Elizabeth Doherty Thomas, MS, LAMFT run this multi-pronged organization whose mission is to broaden the cultural conversations around marriage, therapy, divorce reform, and other mental and medical health topics.

Leaving a marriage doesn't mean leaving ourselves behind.Our patterns, reactions, and contributions come with us.Discern...
10/17/2026

Leaving a marriage doesn't mean leaving ourselves behind.

Our patterns, reactions, and contributions come with us.

Discernment Counseling helps each spouse look honestly at what they bring to the relationship before deciding what comes next.

What about me would come with me?

10/15/2026

Divorce ends a marriage. It doesn’t automatically end the patterns we brought to it.

Without understanding our own contributions to what went wrong, we risk carrying them into the next relationship.

That’s why personal contributions are a foundational goal of Discernment Counseling.

What about me would come with me?

"I’m not in love anymore" can sound like the end of the conversation.In Discernment Counseling, it can be the beginning ...
10/14/2026

"I’m not in love anymore" can sound like the end of the conversation.

In Discernment Counseling, it can be the beginning of a deeper one.

What does that feeling mean? What happened along the way?

And what might each person need to understand before deciding what comes next?

10/12/2026

“I’m just not in love anymore.”

That feeling is real. But it doesn’t have to be treated as an inexplicable fact that ends the conversation.

There can be something worth exploring underneath it, not to talk someone out of how they feel.

Before we challenge someone who is considering divorce, we need to understand what brought them there.Being deeply heard...
10/10/2026

Before we challenge someone who is considering divorce, we need to understand what brought them there.

Being deeply heard doesn't mean agreeing with everything they believe.

It creates room for deeper exploration, including questions they may not have considered.

10/08/2026

Before challenging someone who is seriously considering divorce, deeply understand why they’ve gotten there.

Feeling understood can create room for challenge, exploration, and new possibilities.

Including the possibility that there could still be a marriage to save.

When one spouse is unsure about staying married, convincing them to "just try couples therapy" may not be the best place...
10/07/2026

When one spouse is unsure about staying married, convincing them to "just try couples therapy" may not be the best place to start.

Discernment Counseling gives that spouse space to be where they are while also supporting the spouse who wants to save the marriage.

Sometimes the first step isn't couples therapy. It's figuring out whether both people are ready for it.

10/05/2026

Don’t sell couples therapy to someone who is ambivalent about staying married.

Their leaning-in spouse may already be saying: “Just give couples therapy a chance. I know we can fix this. I’ll change. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

If the therapist joins that pursuit, suddenly the leaning-out spouse has two against one.

And that can make them dig in, to become clearer about what they want for the marriage. That’s one of the dynamics Discernment Counseling was designed to avoid.

Ambivalence isn't always a problem to solve.When someone is unsure whether to stay in their marriage, that uncertainty c...
10/03/2026

Ambivalence isn't always a problem to solve.

When someone is unsure whether to stay in their marriage, that uncertainty can hold important information about what they've experienced, what they want, and what they still need to understand.

Discernment Counseling doesn't rush past the ambivalence. It creates space to explore it.

10/01/2026

We tend to treat ambivalence like a failure to decide.

But when the decision is whether to stay in or leave a marriage, uncertainty may contain questions worth taking seriously. Could this marriage be salvaged?

Could couples therapy be different from what we tried before? What if I don’t want to work on the marriage right now, but I’m also not certain I want to end it?

In Discernment Counseling, divorce ambivalence isn’t a problem to get rid of.

It’s the work.

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Saint Paul, MN
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