10/08/2026
“I understand why I do this. So why can’t I stop?”
A client and I were talking recently about how much she already understands about herself.
She knows she spends more time worrying about what other people think of her than asking herself what she actually wants.
Will they like me?
Will they think I’m weird?
Do I fit in?
Am I doing this right?
She can see how those thoughts have quietly made her world smaller. They’ve stopped her from making friends, from going places she wants to go, and allowing herself to be fully seen.
And she knows where it came from. For much of her life, the message she received from people who were supposed to love her was some version of:
Who you are isn’t okay.
She was made to feel different. Unacceptable. Like being herself would always come with the risk of rejection.
And eventually, she didn’t need anyone else to say those things anymore. She learned to anticipate them herself.
That’s the part of this "work" that moves me so deeply.
Sometimes I’m sitting across from a woman who has SO much insight.
She has connected the dots and understand how the things she has been through have shaped her. She knows why she learned to protect herself this way.
And yet, a part of her is still wondering:
“If I know all of this already… why am I still doing it?”
And I get to remind her:
Understanding yourself isn’t evidence that you should be over it by now.
Understanding gives us the map.
Now you get to learn a different way forward! And that is powerful.
This is where some of the most beautiful work begins. Not with me telling her who she should become. But with us getting curious together about the woman underneath all of those old messages.
We explore... What does she want? What would she choose if she weren’t trying to manage everyone else’s perception of her? What would it feel like to walk into a room without deciding ahead of time that she doesn’t belong there?
Then, slowly, we practice, noticing the old thought and why it’s there. We co-create enough space for her to ask:
“What do I want?”
I wish I could adequately describe what it feels like to witness those moments.
To watch a woman realize she doesn’t have to spend the rest of her life proving that she’s acceptable. To see her begin trusting herself and really hear "her" in her answers.
There is so much hope here. 😊
Not the kind that says, “Just think differently and everything will be fine.” The kind we build together, one real-life choice at a time.
Please know, You can know "why" you became this version of yourself.
And with support, practice, compassion, and a place where ALL of you gets to be seen and understood…
you can learn how to live differently, too.
Rooting for your happiness always. 🌱
Heather
