Three Points Relationships

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Three Points Relationships

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Chicago area relationship therapy group led by Kate Engler. Couples/relationship therapy is our jam!

When things feel messy and complicated in your relationship, we are here to help. Tips, insights, & real life strategies because relationships are hard.

10/20/2026

It’s launch day for Gen XO!

It started as a question I couldn't stop asking myself about my marriage: Why is this so hard? I was certain the answer was that I was the problem.

But then I started seeing the same issues show up in my work as a couples therapist. Friends and acquaintances began whispering confessions of similar struggles over drinks or on the playground.

My self-questioning turned into a bigger question: Why are so many smart, capable, well-intentioned people struggling in their relationships in exactly the same ways? (The less sanitized version in my head was: WTAF is going on?!)

Unsatisfied with not knowing the answer, I spent years researching, writing, and rethinking much of what we've been taught about marriage.

And what I discovered surprised me.

The common thread wasn't that we'd all married the wrong people or somehow failed at relationships. It was that we'd all grown up Gen X, inheriting the same contradictory messages about what marriage and partnership were supposed to look like.

It's not the marriage. It's the model.

For me, that realization changed everything. I could finally stop looking exclusively at what was wrong with me—or my marriage—and start asking what was wrong with the expectations we'd inherited.

Gen X was raised on conflicting messages about gender, marriage, independence, and what it means to have it all. We were told to do relationships differently, but nobody gave us a new blueprint.
So we improvised. And, well, here we are.

Gen XO is about how we got here, why so many of us feel stuck, and how we can create relationships that actually fit the lives we're living now.

I'm ridiculously excited (and maybe a little terrified) to finally share it with you.

If you've ever looked at your relationship and thought, This isn't quite what I signed up for, this book is for you.

Gen XO is officially available today. I'd be thrilled if you'd grab a copy, share it with a fellow Gen Xer, or help spread the word. And if you read it, please let me know what resonates. I can't wait to hear what you think!

**PURCHASE LINK IN COMMENTS**

10/15/2026

What about Gen X men? Are they quiet qutting too? The answer: sort of.

10/13/2026

Most of us didn’t exactly choose the blueprint for our relationships. We inherited it.

Date.
Get serious.
Move in.
Get married.
Merge everything.
Stay together forever.

This is sometimes called the relationship escalator—a culturally sanctioned script for how adult relationships are “supposed” to progress.

And the wild part? Most of us are so deeply programmed to follow it that we don’t even realize we’re on it.

Especially Gen X. We came of age questioning authority, distrusting institutions, and priding ourselves on independence…and then many of us stepped into remarkably conventional relationship structures without ever asking: Is this actually the relationship I want?

By midlife, that question can get pretty loud.
But we tend to think we have only two choices when a long-term relationship stops fitting: Grin and bear it.
Or blow the whole thing up.

What if there were more options?

That question is at the heart of something I call Creative Relationship Redesign (CRR).

It isn’t about saving every relationship.
It isn’t about ending every relationship.

And it definitely isn’t about replacing one rigid set of rules with another.

It’s about becoming conscious of the rules you’ve been following—and realizing you’re allowed to question them.

There is a surprisingly big world beyond the relationship escalator.

I explore it in my book, Gen XO: How Generation X Inherited a Relationship Model That Never Fit, What it Cost Us, and How We Build Something Better.

Gen XO out 10/20 (LINK IN BIO)

10/08/2026

As Oprah points out, “quiet qutting” has always happened in marriage, but today we call it something else.

Monica Corcoran Haral (MONICA CORCORAN HAREL), the writer of The Cut’s viral article on the topic, beautifully explains what’s different for modern women. The Gen X women I work with strongly agree.

10/01/2026

You can always tell what we’re trying to get to the bottom of by what books just arrived.

The shelves at Three Points are a running record of the questions our clients bring in — and the ones we can’t stop asking ourselves.

For Kate, those questions came from her therapy room, her own social circle, and even her own relationship. Why did all of these people who did everything “right” still feet stuck?

That research became Gen XO!

It also became a lot of shelf space. Gen XO comes out on 10/20. Pre-order link in bio!

09/17/2026

IT’S HERE! Kate Engler’s, Gen XO, is now available for pre-order!

What happens when an entire generation inherits a relationship template that no longer fits?

As Eve Rodsky (NYT bestselling author of Fair Play) puts it:

“In this powerful, eye-opening book, Kate Engler makes visible the forces shaping Generation X relationships that too often go unseen. She debunks the myth that our problems can be chalked up to interpersonal difficulties alone and explores the outdated relationship template we inherited. With Gen XO, Engler is starting a conversation that matters. A must-read for Gen X women and men alike.”

The conversation starts now. Get your copy of Gen XO ✨LINK IN BIO

Shout out!
Fair Play + Unicorn Space Amy Cuevas Schroeder The Midst Kara Baskin

09/15/2026

Pre-order starts today for our founder, Kate Engler’s book—Gen XO: How Generation X Inherited a Relationship Model That Never Fit, What it Cost Us, and How We build Something Better!

Go to the link in our bio to find out where you can grab a copy!

09/10/2026

There can be a lot wrapped up in the end of a relationship, and it can take time to understand what you’re really holding onto. Naming what you’re grieving can help you understand what still needs to be worked through, and eventually, let go.

08/26/2026

So excited to share this sneak peak of the cover for Kate Engler's book, Gen XO: How Generation X Inherited a Relationship Model That Never Fit, What it Cost Us, and How We Build Something better. (Coming in October!)

Thank you to the wildly talented George Stevens from G Sharp Design, LLC He was able to take Kate's word-salad of ideas, likes and dislikes and turn it into something perfect--every time.

08/13/2026

Every relationship runs on a contract nobody signs — an unspoken agreement about who provides what: emotional labor, caretaking, independence, safety.

It forms early, usually without either person noticing, and for a long time it works fine. Then life changes — kids, job loss, a parent’s death, just time — and the terms stop covering the actual relationship you’re in.

Most people don’t think ‘we need to renegotiate our contract.’ They think, when did my partner turn into this person?

For a lot of Gen X couples, the contract we signed without knowing it said something like: I won’t need you, you won’t need me, and we’ll call that independence instead of what it actually is.

Address

10024 Skokie Boulevard , Ste 207
Skokie, IL
60077

Telephone

+18445466642

Website

https://threepointsrelationships.com/

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