05/14/2024
Soooo I had a post about Taylor Swift's new album + female rage go viral the other day. And I spent quite a lot of time deleting comments from men like "Feminism is cancer / odd how these women always seem to be angry or upset about something / hope all the feminists enjoy growing old and dying alone." 😂
But man, there were a TON of hateful comments from women, too, in addition to completely pointless debates, and it brought to mind another of my favorite Taylor lyrics from "Mad Woman."
"Women like hunting witches too / Doing your dirtiest work for you."
It makes me so sad when women unknowingly become instruments of patriarchal values by tearing each other down for no reason.
I expect a certain type of man to comment on things that weren't meant for him, to crash a party that clearly he wasn't invited to, but it's so hard to comprehend why women feel the need to be petty and cruel to each other. Actually, it isn't hard to comprehend. We were bred for this—to turn on one another and make ourselves weaker as a result.
So here's a gorgeous, refreshing contrast. There is another kind of woman, and these are the kind of women I write for, speak to, connect with, the kind I want to build community with.
Today my girls and I were shopping, and we had a tearful and deep dressing room conversation, as often happens when women and girls try on clothes and are confronted with body image issues we can't seem to escape. We apparently were noisy enough (shocking, for those who know me 😉) that it was quite easy to eavesdrop on us.
As I left the dressing room to gather more items, a woman in her twenties who was shopping with her mother stopped me. "Are you the mom who was in the dressing room with her daughters? You are doing such a great job. You are saying all the right things. I just wanted you to know."
I teared up and thanked her. After yet another round of clothes and more intense body positivity pep talks, a mom walked out of the dressing room and actually put her arms around me. She told me she was sorry for eavesdropping but she wanted me to know what a great job I was doing. When her own daughter emerged, she hugged me, too. After my own girls came out, we stood and had a beautiful conversation with these complete strangers, where we talked about how difficult it is for girls and women, how important these values and topics are. We talked about what it feels like to "find your people."
We left with new friends. These are the kind of women I want in my world. These are the women who are building beautiful things together, changing conversations, and raising strong girls. Earlier that day I met a new mom in a restaurant bathroom, asked her how she was doing and praised her for being brave enough to take an international flight with her infant daughter to meet family members. We talked about sleep and sanity and jumpsuits for tall women. I always, always make a point to connect with women—to tell them they aren't alone, that they look fantastic, that they are doing amazing work. And I always walk away from our conversation, even if it was only two minutes long, feeling better.
As for the ones who make a point to stop and leave rude comments on strangers' Facebook posts? As Taylor would say, "Trash takes itself out, every single time."
From this joyful, grateful "Mad Woman," Happy Mother's Day. Keep being brave and strong and gloriously kind to each other. It matters.
