09/06/2023
Amen. Listen to your horse when they're whispering to you. If you don't hear them until they're screaming at you the damage can be irreversible. They try so hard to please, even when they're physically struggling to do the job without showing their pain. Desperate to hide what ails them. Asymmetry in their body, feet that aren't balanced, saddles that don't fit correctly, old injuries or conformation faults all take a toll on their bodies. Especially over time. Over time the compensatory patterns show up in other parts of the body, and you feel like your chasing its origin. Listening and investigating, layer by layer to find what makes them happy and comfortable to do their job is the kindest thing you can do for the partner who gives you everything. Sometimes a simple job change can do so much for their mental and physical health too. First and foremost, just listen. They are ALWAYS telling us something.
I’m still processing all I learned from Bellus’s dissection. It gave me a closure I’m extremely grateful for, because as you can imagine, it was a very hard decision to make. Putting a beloved horse down is never easy, but there are always the complicated feelings of guilt, wishing you’d done more and known more, regret, and mourning for the life you know your horse deserved. I think I did the best I could, but facts are facts- he suffered, and didn’t deserve it.
The one thing I am certain of is that he was an incredibly generous, beautiful soul. Upon discovering the details of his body, I am also certain that horses are experts in surviving at any cost. Bellus was in chronic pain and thus chronic stress- my priorities might have been good posture and bend and the like, while his were just surviving.
I am confident in saying that we must do better in understanding. We have to take interest in what lies under the skin before we can take the reins and insist on forward, or bend, or collection, because without an idea of the inner workings of a horse, we have no way of monitoring the damage possible.
The things I’ve seen will change me forever - places his body remodeled, places that adhered, places that atrophied, places that were unable to function. It was never a question of not wanting to - it was a case of unable to.
I don’t believe we shouldn’t ride them, or that any refusal is a reason to quit.
But I firmly believe we need to be brave enough to face the repercussions of our ignorance, no matter how well meaning. I believe we have to face our every flaw squarely and stare it down until we are what a horse needs.
They are so generous - you know this only as a nebulous idea until you stare directly at the evidence of all a horse gave even without the ability. The least we can do is give back half that much in growth, in knowledge, in personal change.
The horses deserve it
