09/08/2024
Itās something I would not wish on anyone. Life changing events happen, but those are mostly by choice. Relationships, starting a family, new jobā¦ those are life changing events. šÆ
When it comes to unexpected life changes, we adapt, at least as best as we can. So youāre maybe wonderingā¦ I drove. Whatās the big deal?
When it comes to a traumatic brain injury, symptoms can hang around for years. Case in point my current situation. Iāve been dealing with this since 2020. I have had to adapt to my limitations. And it sucks. I used to be able to do what I wanted, when I wanted, wherever I wanted. Now itās a reconnaissance mission to sus out the environment, will there be flashing lights, are the floors reflective, will there be sirensā¦ you get it. Itās exhaustingly inconvenient.
So yesterday I drove the longest distance I have since 2020, in hopes that maybe it would be better(ish). Iāve driven short distances within my reach, on residential roads to avoid over stimulation.
What I felt by the time I had to pull over was as if I had an army of ants crawling inside my eye sockets, biting and stabbing my eyes. My ears were ringing and I started to tremble. Itās not fear. Iām not scared of driving whatsoever. It was the information overload that your brain processes without you realizing it. So my peripherals were seeing lines zooming, the whooshing sounds of a guardrail, the sounds of passing semis. Then the feeling of the road, shoulder checking, all of my senses were firing. If someone would have fartedā¦ that would have been the end.
But hereās what Iām saying. Our brain does so much. We take it for granted. But once you have a brain that canāt handle the extra processing, defense mechanisms are put in place.
Yesterday was a sh*tty experience that let me know I still have recovery to make. So I continue to fight for my therapy from WCBā¦ and am trying to make the best of my life possible. I miss my independence, and this shook me.
So even though itās not visible to anyone else, and itās been lingering. Itās real to me, it sucks, but I keep going. I have to.
