09/11/2026
Step 1: Pause
Don’t immediately react. Create a little space between what you feel and how you respond.
Step 2: Observe
Ask yourself: “What’s happening inside me right now?”
”Am I becoming defensive, withdrawing or trying to be right?”
Step 3: Get curious.
What lies beneath this reaction?
Is it hurt, fear, insecurity or an unmet need?
Step 4: Choose vulnerability.
Instead of expressing your protection, express your truth.
Try: “I’m noticing I’m feeling defensive. What’s underneath that is that I feel hurt / ashamed, and I’m finding it difficult to express that.”
This then opens up the conversation for both parties to engage in conscious, heart led conversation which supports the healthy development of the relationship, increase connection and facilitates another valuable step forward of individual and collective growth.