09/23/2026
Have You Noticed - Every moment of our lives we are answering these 4 questions- sometimes consciously but most often unconsciously.
1. What am I focusing on?
2. What am I making it mean- What am I feeling because of that meaning?
3. State of Being- Who am I being in relationship to it?
4. What action naturally follows from that state?
State of being precedes action, but repeated action also reinforces state. It becomes a feedback loop rather than a straight line.
1- What am I focused on- What I have or what’s missing, what I can control or what I cannot control?
If there are two things you can focus on - what you have or what’s missing. Which do you spend more time focusing on?
Most people focus on what’s missing.
Another pattern is - do you focus on what you can control or what you can’t control?
Which do you tend to focus on more?
Most people tend to focus on what they can’t control.
Some people are focused on both things - they focused on what they’re missing and what they can’t control.
How are you going to feel?
If your brain is constantly focused on, what’s missing, or what you cannot control how can you ever sustain happiness no matter how successful you are?
It is impossible.
2- When we focus on something we automatically give it meaning.
What am I making it mean- that meaning strongly influences the feeling that follows-I didn’t get the job- Is this the end or the beginning? Is God punishing me? Is this why this happened or is this problem a gift from God to help me grow?
If you think it’s the end of a relationship. Are you going to feel the same way, act the same way as you would if you think it’s the beginning of a relationship- NO.
3- State of Being- Who am I being in relationship to it?
You can take the same action ( #4) from fear, obligation, resentment, or from love, clarity, self-trust. So state of Being comes before action. Action alone doesn’t necessarily change state.
4-What action naturally follows from that state? What are you going to do?
Two people can encounter the exact same type of situation and move through it in a completely different sequences internally.
One person thinks: I didn’t get the job.
Meaning: I’m failing. I’m not good enough. They hated me.
Feeling: discouragement, shame. Self judgement
Action: withdraw.
Another: I didn’t get the job.
Meaning: That wasn’t mine. There’s something better waiting for me, I need a different approach or to sharpen a few skills.
Feeling: disappointment, but not defeated.. and also curiosity.
Action: regroup, make adjustments or improvements and try again.
Same event. Different focus, different meaning, different emotional state, different action.
