Dr. Willough Jenkins

Home
United States
Orange County , CA
Dr. Willough Jenkins

Directions Website

Board Certified Child Psychiatrist

You are trying so hard. You deserve advice that actually helps. Child and Teen Mental Health | WHO Advocate | TV Expert

11/02/2026

Taking your teen’s phone away is often the fastest consequence BUT fast doesn’t always mean effective. As a child psychiatrist and a mom, I see this all the time. The phone becomes the default punishment for everything. Late homework? Phone. Attitude? Phone. Forgot chores? Phone. Here’s the problem. When the consequence isn’t related to the behavior, it feels unfair. And unfair doesn’t teach, it just creates power struggles. It can also backfire. For teens, their phone isn’t just entertainment. It’s their social world - their friend, their support and sometimes their lifeline. Taking it away can accidentally create isolation right when connection matters most. Instead, think: Is the consequence connected to the behavior? Does it teach a skill or just create resentment? Clear rules ahead of time work better than heat-of-the-moment punishments. Set expectations together. Decide on phone boundaries and consequences before there’s a problem. Then follow through calmly and consistently. Kind and firm beats reactive every time. If you want more practical scripts and tools like this, follow along or comment FREEBIE for my teen parenting guide.

11/02/2026

1. Your child’s anxiety is a faulty alarm system. It is not a character flaw, it is a misfiring signal. 2. Look around the family. If your child is anxious, someone else in the house probably is too. 3. Fight the anxiety kindly, not the child. Try something like “Remember how we talked about anxiety? I think that’s what’s happening here and I’m going to help you stand up to it. I know it’s hard and I know you can do it.” 4. Stop accommodating it. Every time you help your child avoid what scares them, the anxiety wins. Accommodation also sends a message that they have a real reason to be scared. The goal is not to throw them in the deep end but to push back in a stepwise fashion. 5. Catch it early. A simple CBT workbook or even just naming it out loud can change the trajectory. 6. Don’t let it fester. Anxiety grows in silence and avoidance. 7. Anxiety is not one thing. It shows up differently in different kids, different ages, different situations. 8. Anxiety is not a diagnosis, it is a symptom. Knowing if a diagnosis fits your child opens the door to the right treatment. 9. There are really good treatments for this. Not just ways to cope, actual treatments that work. 10. Anxiety is a normal human experience. The goal is not to get rid of it completely, it is to turn it down so it actually works for your child. If anxiety is ruling your child’s life, it is time to get help. Comment “scared” and I’ll send you my favorite anxiety books.

11/02/2026

Saying no to your teenager is not punishment. It is parenting. There is decades of research behind this. High expectations plus high warmth is the combination that produces resilient, mentally healthy kids. That is not my opinion. That is Baumrind’s authoritative parenting model and it is one of the most replicated findings in developmental psychology. Here are three reasons you need to be able to say no. 1️⃣Saying no is not mean. It is a message that you are paying attention. Teens with limits feel more loved, not less. 2️⃣Warmth without expectations is just permission. 3️⃣Toleing your teen’s disappointment is part of the job. A teen who is never disappointed at home is not prepared for anything outside of it. Your teenager comes to you and says they want to go to a concert with people you have never met. They want to ride with them too. Here are three ways to handle it after you’ve heard them out. 1️⃣Open the door: “I can see why that sounds fun. I don’t know these people and I don’t know who is driving. Let me meet them first and then we can talk about the concert.” 2️⃣Hold the line: “I can see why that sounds fun. I don’t know these people and I don’t know who is driving. Those two things together are a hard no from me.” 3️⃣Redirect to yes: “I can see why that sounds fun. I don’t know these people and I don’t know who is driving. What I can say yes to is dropping you off and picking you up after.” You do not have to choose between being the fun parent and being the safe parent. Saying no with warmth is both. Save this one. You are going to need it.

11/02/2026

Nobody tells you what it looks like when it's going well. Most parenting content is a list of things to fix. These are the signs I look for clinically that tell me a parent and teenager have something real between them, even when it doesn't feel like it from the inside. Your teen still comes to you when something goes wrong. Maybe not immediately. Maybe a day later, maybe sideways, maybe through a question that isn't really about the thing it's about. But they come. That is trust. They push back on you. A teenager who argues with you feels safe enough to have a voice in your presence. Silence is the thing to worry about, not conflict. They let you see them cry. Emotional in front of a parent does not happen by accident. It happens because they believe you can handle it. They tell you small things. The random story about lunch. The funny thing from the hallway. Small disclosures are practice for big ones. If they still tell you the small things, the door is open. They come back after the hard moments. After the slammed door, after the silence, after the fight neither of you handled perfectly. Repair is happening, even when it feels invisible. You are doing better than you think. Save this for the day you need the reminder. Drop a 💙 if you needed to see this today. Share it with a parent who is in the hard middle of it right now.

11/02/2026

Popularity is about status. Close friendship is about connection, and the research favors connection. A University of Virginia study followed 169 teens from age 15 to 25. Close friendship strength at 15 predicted higher self-worth and lower anxiety and depressive symptoms by early adulthood. Being preferred by the broader peer group predicted higher social anxiety by early adulthood. A meta-analysis of 233 studies also found small but significant links between youths’ friendship experiences and depressive symptoms. Feeling accepted still matters. Kids who feel welcome and safe with peers tend to do better. That feeling comes from being known by a few people, which differs from performing for a crowd. Skills worth teaching instead: Listening and asking questions Repairing things after a conflict Inviting one friend over for one-on-one time Choosing friends who are kind and supportive Your child does not need a big social circle. A couple of trusted friends is a strong foundation. Quality over Quantity. Source: Narr et al. (2017), Child Development, DOI: 10.1111/cdev.12905. Schwartz-Mette et al. (2020), meta-analysis of friendship and depressive symptoms in youth.

11/01/2026

This is one of the most common moments parents describe to me (I’m sure we remember screaming the same thing at some point), and still one of the most mishandled. Your teen is dysregulated. The door is slamming. You're standing there with a wave of your own big feelings. What you do in the next ten seconds matters more than the fight that came before it. Here's what not to do: Don't match the volume. Don't force the conversation right now. Don't lecture about respect. Don't stand outside the door negotiating. All of these escalate their nervous system that is already maxed out. Here's what works instead: Say one calm sentence through the door, then actually leave. Something like: okay, I'm going to give you some space. I love you. I'll be downstairs when you're ready. Then go. Don't hover. Don't text. Don't send a sibling to check. Let the storm pass without an audience. A teen in that state is flooded. The part of their brain that can reason is offline. Anything you say will not land, and might create more damage. By stepping back, you are modeling the exact skill you want them to build. You can have a big feeling without doing something destructive. Come back within an hour or two, not a full day. First something low key before addressing the fight. A snack outside their door, a casual text, a hey, want to come watch something. You're signaling that the relationship is still intact and their anger didn't break it. Repair happens later, when they're regulated. You can say: I want to understand what that was about when you're ready. Then you wait. This takes practice. It is also the single biggest de-escalation move I teach parents. Save this for the next time a door slams. What's the hardest part of staying regulated in those moments?

11/01/2026

1. Do not say, Listen to your mom. Model listening to her. When you show respect, they learn respect. 2. You never need force or intimidation. You can be firm without being frightening. 3. Teach them how to lead, but also teach them that it is perfectly fine to let others lead too. 4. Coach with encouragement instead of critique. Teen boys crave your attention, so notice effort, not only struggles. This especially applies to athletic coach dads. 5. Let yourself cry in front of them. They learn what emotions men are allowed to have by watching you. Which is all emotions. 6. Respect their identity exploion. They are not lost. They are mapping who they are, just like you once did. 7. Show them how to ask for help, including getting therapy. 8. Stop holding them to the standards you had at their age. The world is completely different now, and they do not need a repeat of your childhood. 9. Be a father, not only a fun dad. A father carries the mental load and shows maturity. A fun dad only shows up for the easy parts. 10. Let them make mistakes. Confidence grows when you stop overcorrecting every part of their ride. You made mistakes too. Your son is watching you more than you realize. Give him something worth watching. Follow for more parenting tips from a board certified child psychiatrist. Credit to .adhd__ for the collaboion on this one

11/01/2026

They start dressing differently, talking differently, and pulling away from things they used to love, and as a parent, it can feel really unsettling to watch. Your instinct might be to point it out, call it out, or try to pull them back to who they were before. Here's what I need you to hear: identity in adolescence is not fixed. It is something teenagers are actively figuring out, and relationships often become a big part of that process. Sometimes that means trying on new versions of themselves, and sometimes it means over-adjusting their personality, their interests, and even their values to be liked, accepted, or kept in a relationship. Not every change you notice is something to be alarmed about, but when a teenager starts consistently losing their sense of self over time, that is something worth paying attention to as a parent. The goal here is not to control the relationship or shut it down. The goal is to help your teen stay connected to who they are within it, and that happens through quiet, curious questions her than pressure or ultimatums. Questions like: "What do you like about who you are when you're with them?" or "How do you feel after you spend time together?" Awareness is what helps teenagers find their way back to themselves. Not lectures, not criticism, not control. Just a parent who keeps showing up, keeps asking the right questions, and trusts that their kid can hear them.

11/01/2026

1. “They still knocked, even though there was no lock on my door.” Not the gesture. Teens said it was the pause before entering that told them their “no” would actually be respected. 2. “I got a bad grade and instead of lecturing me, they asked how they could support me better. They said they knew it didn’t reflect what I was capable of.” Naming the ability instead of the mistake is what decided whether they showed them the next bad grade too. 3. “One time they just said, ‘I think I got you wrong,’ and that meant more than any ‘sorry.’” It told the teen their character was still being reconsidered, not just their behavior in one moment. 4. “I told them something really dark once and they didn’t freak out on me.” A friend’s self-harm, a breakup, a fear. Parents who stayed level, instead of visibly panicking, got told more the next time. 5. “My dad sent me a meme every single morning. He still does.” Note it’s not a logistics text or one demanding a reply. A small ritual that had nothing to do with managing the kid, just proof they were thought about. 6. “Some of my best talks with my parents happened in the car, when nobody had to look at each other.” No eye contact, no agenda. Multiple teens named the car as the place they opened up, if the parent didn’t fill the silence. 7. “Even during the worst stretches, we still ed jokes and laughed.” Humor didn’t disappear when things got hard. Teens said that was proof the relationship could hold weight without breaking. 8. “They had their own friends, their own stuff going on. It actually made it easier to talk to them.” A friendship, a hobby, a hard conversation of their own. It made the relationship feel less like surveillance. 9. “When I was in a bad mood, they didn’t spiral with me.” The parent stayed steady instead of matching the teen’s spiral. That steadiness is what teens leaned on later. 10. “They had rules and I hated it at the time, but looking back that’s how I knew they cared more than my friends’ parents who let everything slide.” The rules weren’t the point. What landed years later was that boundaries equal investment and care, not control.

Address

Orange County, CA

Website

http://www.willoughjenkins.com/

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when Dr. Willough Jenkins posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.