10/30/2026
Nobody talks about the grief of being a working mom.
Especially when you're a self-employed mama.
The late nights. The early mornings. The projects that need finishing. The clients who depend on you. The constant feeling that you need to keep going because if you stop, everything else stops too.
And somewhere along the way, your self-worth starts getting wrapped up in how much you accomplish, how many people you help, and whether you've managed to keep everyone happy.
But then there's your children.
The fun runs. The parent council events. The glow dances. The classroom activities. The little moments they look into the crowd hoping to see your face.
And sometimes, you're not there.
Not because you didn't want to be. Not because they weren't a priority. But because you were working. Because another family needed you. Because there were obligations you couldn't walk away from.
Today, I was faced with that reality.
My own child was upset because I couldn't physically be there for her. And although I was showing up for her in other ways, I wasn't there in the way she needed me today.
And that hurt.
It hurt because I was giving a piece of myself to another family while wishing I could be in two places at once.
There's a particular kind of grief that comes with that.
People often assume that because you're self-employed, you have flexibility. And yes, sometimes we do. Sometimes I can pivot my day and be there when another working parent can't. But there are also days when I absolutely cannot move things around. When my work doesn't come with paid time off, sick days, or someone else stepping in to finish what needs to be done.
Whether you work for yourself or someone else, so many of us are giving pieces of ourselves away every single day.
And I think what makes this even harder is the messaging we constantly see.
"The most important thing you can give your children is your presence."
And yes. I believe that wholeheartedly.
But do you know what else is important?
Making sure your children have a roof over their heads.
Making sure there's food in the fridge.
Making sure the lights stay on, the rent gets paid, and there's enough gas in the car to get everyone where they need to go.
Nobody wants to talk about the mother who has to choose between paying a bill and buying groceries.
The family that skips a car payment to make rent.
The parent who falls behind because their child was sick and they had to miss three days of work.
The mother working two jobs back to back, or even three, who is still being told that she needs to be more present.
Or the family that has budgeted every single penny, cut every possible expense, and still comes up short because the bare minimum costs more than they bring home.
These are not hypothetical situations.
These are real families. Real mothers. Real fathers.
These are people I know. People I support.
And sometimes, this is me too.
There are seasons when families are drowning. There are seasons when we're finally catching up, but catching up means sacrificing something else.
Sometimes two incomes aren't enough anymore.
And social media has a funny way of making us feel like everyone else has figured it out.
We see the photos of parents attending every school event, volunteering, taking their children on outings, making memories, and seemingly having it all together.
What we don't see is what's happening behind the phone.
We don't see the unpaid bills, the exhaustion, the arguments over money, the mother crying in her car, or the parent trying to figure out how to stretch what's left in their bank account until Friday.
And we certainly don't see the grief that comes with having to tell your child, "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I can't be there today."
I teach my children that they are a priority. I want them to know that they matter more than any project, any client, or any amount of money I could ever make. But they don't always get that in those moments
But I also have to provide for them.
And sometimes those two responsibilities collide in the most heartbreaking ways.
I can love my children with every fibre of my being and still disappoint them.
I can be a good mother and still miss something important.
I can spend my days supporting other mothers and families while quietly struggling with the very same things I help them navigate.
Today was one of those days.
And I don't have a beautiful lesson to wrap this up with.
I don't have a magical solution about work life balance, ( hell I can't find that) better scheduling, or making more time.
Because sometimes there simply isn't any more time to give.
Sometimes you're already doing everything you possibly can, and it's still not enough to meet every need, every expectation, and every responsibility.
That is a grief in itself.
So today, I just wanted to say something to the mother who missed the school event. The dad who couldn't make the game. The self-employed parent answering emails after everyone has gone to bed. The family trying desperately to catch up financially while feeling like life is passing them by.
I SEE YOU.
Not just the parts of you that are productive. Not just the sacrifices you make or the bills you manage to pay.
I see the parent underneath all of it who wishes they could just be there.
I see the love behind the hard decisions.
And I see how much it hurts when doing what you need to do for your family sometimes means missing out on being with them.
I wish we talked about this more.
Because behind so many working parents is someone who isn't choosing work over their children.
They're trying desperately to make sure their children have everything they need, while grieving the moments they can't get back.
And today, I'm one of them.
❤️ Cristina
I SEE YOU – Life Doula Services
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